


Online Conquests

by yeolinski



Series: Whiskers and Deedee [1]
Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Banter, Best Friends, Cybersex, Daniel is a gentle top, Daniel trying to quit smoking, Dick Pics, Explicit/Graphic descriptions, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Grinding, Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Seongwoo is witty, Sexting, Sexual Experimentation, Some Humor, Texting, boys having feelings, cliches, i'm sorry i'm old, is cybersex/cybering still a term, oblivious Seongwoo, playful ongniel, some clay sculpting, they sext maybe twice but probably only one time counts lmfao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-08 00:21:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 43,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14092929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolinski/pseuds/yeolinski
Summary: DestroyerD: wow you’re really struggling with this, aren’t you? lolWhiskers: gimme a moment, it’s hard to type it all downDestroyerD: I’m guessing it’s less of a physical thing, thenWhiskers: NoWhiskers: WellWhiskers: Yes and noWhiskers: Both..(this was supposed to be a sexting au, but it got out of hand)





	1. Whiskers

**Author's Note:**

> Translation into **Chinese** available here: [线上攻略](http://cirdohconcealed.lofter.com/post/3da626_12da2acd) by the amazing [@1topanchelsea](https://twitter.com/1topanchelsea)!
> 
>  
> 
> guess I was inspired by all the **ongniel texting aus** on twitter, I loveeee those!  
>  But Photoshop isn't really my forte, and writing is, so here we go! 
> 
> idk how long this is going to be, but it's probably not going to be VERY long lol (like maybe 4/5 chaps?) I didn't finish it yet... but I already know what ending I want and all that, so I feel positive that I will.  
> (also scratch what I said about this not being very long, this first chapter is like 8k LOL it'll be long wordcount-wise, but like... not long chapter-wise? okay? lol the notes i write never make sense, just ignore this)
> 
> * this isn't edited, so if you find anything worthy of mentioning, be my guest :>  
> ** this isn't fully texting au, like other stuff are happening too, so if that's what you're hoping for. You've been warned.  
> *** Everybody are in college and of legal age, thus able to drink/hook up.  
> ****This work is rated **explicit** for a reason! Please don't read it if that's too much for you. :)

 

“Listen, dude, start slow.”

“Oh my god.”

“No, for real, this is a good idea, just listen, Seongwoo, okay?” Jaehwan is drunk out of his mind.

It’s saturday.

Seongwoo is kind of drunk, too. Confessing his problems out in the open seemed like a good idea. He did not expect Jaehwan to squint at him and start his own advice column.

It’s like a freaking lost episode of ‘hello counselor’.

“Okay? Seongwoo? Start slow. Just don’t watch gay porn, okay, because that’s a dumb way to start anything, trust me. All you see is a bunch of ripped men with hella round butts, it’s so distracting from the whole ‘am i gay’ agenda. So, like, don’t do _that_.” He puts a hand onto his shoulder, a gesture that’s probably supposed to be encouraging and supportive, but just comes off as Jaehwan not able to steady himself correctly on the floor.

Seongwoo sighs.

“Also, don’t do the mistake of inviting over a hooker, because boy—” He makes a loud bristling sound. “That’s, like, the most common mistake.”

“Why do you sound so experienced about this? Since when are _you_ experimenting with men?”

“Stop questioning me. I know stuff. I’m friends with Daniel, and he’s a bi. So I know things you can’t even imagine.”

Seongwoo sighs again, the ‘my friend daniel is a bi’ card is on the table every time Jaehwan is talking about non-straight issues. It’s like a free-pass on giving his opinion about issues that he shouldn’t have an idea about, because he has one friend that’s a bi.

It’s like Daniel has experienced all gay things in life, and Jaehwan knows all about them.

Which is wrong, because otherwise Seongwoo would’ve known about it, too. Being Daniel’s best friend and all.

“Basically, what you have to do is to find an equally inexperienced dude to experiment with. They’re called fuckbuddies. It’s, like, a thing nowadays. I heard that it’s a thing.”

Seongwoo kills down the urge to sigh for the third time, because Jaehwan is just drunk as fuck and doesn’t take his sighs as exasperation. So he just sips some more of his beer. “Let me guess, you volunteer as a tribute.”

Jaehwan laughs, as if he made a joke, and slaps his chest; “Of course not, but I know someone who will. I know somebody who would fit snugly between your cute little buttcheeks and is prissy snob in dire need of a blowjob. I present you,” he even makes drum noises, to hype himself; “Minhyun!” He even points.

Minhyun turns towards them at the sound of his name, half-curious-half-judging, but Seongwoo shakes his head and mouths ‘drunk’, mentioning his head toward Jaehwan. He casts a judgmental glance at him and rolls his eyes away, placing a hand back onto Jinyoung’s nape as he joins back into the conversation he was having beforehand.

Jaehwan jabs his elbow into Seongwoo's stomach painfully and says “Huh? Huh? How about that? I bet that’s a piece of gay equally virginal flesh you’d love to bang. Ain’t I the matchmaker - I should totally be a matchmaker - oh my god, I could open an agency. And stuff. Oh my god, it’s a startup idea.”

“I’m not dating Minhyun. Or being fuckbuddies with him. Or with anybody. We’ve been friends since diapers.”

“You’re not fun.” Jaehwan is tounging at his straw, while scanning the room for other victims. He’s drinking rum-and-coke with more coke than rum. Jisung’s instructions, because last time he was holding Jaehwan over the toilet until 6am in the morning. Well, today is probably going to be the same, anyway.

Seongwoo tries to guess how many beers he had himself. Not nearly enough to excuse talking about feelings with Jaehwan. He could’ve probably had a much more enlightening with _literally_ any body  else at the party. Even people who he doesn’t know by name. The guy who fall asleep at the couch, for god’s sake, looks like a better conversationalist. He should have expected it. This happens every time Daniel leaves him with Jaehwan.

Speaking of the devil, Jaehwan’s eyes fixate dangerously on Daniel as he spots him across the room.

Daniel - the reason for Seongwoo’s woes.

Unlike them, _lightweights_ , Daniel is nursing his probably sixth beer and looks like he still can have another one. He’s participating in an active conversation, smiling wide, and talking with hand gestures, cheeks rosy.

He naturally fits in, even between new people, because he’s open and genuine and approachable. It’d be hard to hate him if met face-to-face.

It’d be hard to hate him at all.

It’d be even harder not to crush on him.

Good thing he held his tongue about _that_ , because there’s nothing drunk Jaehwan likes to do more, other than making large juicy drunk declarations to a room full of people. 

“Okay, buddy. I have just the thing—”

“No.”

“Listen - okay, this is brilliant. It’s revolutionary, and other people too.”

“What other people?”

“Daniel.”

“Oh my god.” Seongwoo places the cold beer to his cheek, trying to find a willing babysitter among the crowd to relieve him out of the Jaehwan-duty.

“He does! He does! I swear! I saw it! There’s, like, this site. And you basically chat with people, and it’s like tinder, but you don’t have to put pictures or anything. It’s just texting. And it’s like an in-your-area sort of thing, and if you want to meet up, it’s up to you. Like a no-strings attached chatroom thing. God - what was the name? Gays-for-days? Ways-for-gays? Cockpit? Sausage-party-dot-com?”

“You’re a horrible person, you know that?” Seongwoo tells him, and Jaehwan pretends he didn’t hear it and makes up more gay cliche phrases from the top of his head, until Seongwoo decide to just walk away and leave him to himself, but Jaehwan drapes a heavy hand around his shoulders, wobbling slightly, and spilling his drink everywhere.

“You need to drink and loosen up more, man. Hold up - Daniel!”

Seongwoo holds onto his elbow, to stop him, but the deed is done, and Daniel raised his head.

Seongwoo hates everything, right now.

“Daniel,” Jaehwan pushes through some girls to get to him, holding Seongwoo by his tee as he goes. He says his name with a fake british accent, that doesn’t even sound british, just sounds like he’s drunk and needs to go home and sleep it off. “Daniel,” He says again, with an air of finality; “What is the name of that site?”

Daniel raises his eyebrows, as if urging him to elaborate.

“Where you’re hooking up. That site.”

That’s _exactly_ what Seongwoo wanted to hear right now. He takes a long gulp of his beer.

Daniel snorts dismissively; “What is this for?”

He tugs Seongwoo's sleeve; “My buddy over here—”

“Nope. No. He’s drunk.” Seongwoo is shaking his head.

“—Wants to hook up with a guy, too.”

Jihoon and Guanlin who are sitting to Daniel’s left, immediately burst into giggles like the pre-teen freshmen they are, and the girls across Daniel on the couch fall into chatter while staring at him, and Seongwoo wants the ground to swallow him whole. Just open up and swallow him. Like, right now would be great. Any minute, now.

Daniel doesn’t laugh, though, he just looks surprised and slightly amused, as he glances between them, trying to decipher if it’s true or not. He’s cool like that. Accepting.

“It’s uh - out.kr - but I don’t really hook up there. It’s more for chatting.”

“See? I told you it’s some really cheesy gay phrase.” He mostly looks proud of himself for remembering that part.

Seongwoo puts his hand through Jaehwan's hair affectionately, because he means well, even though he’s an asshole.

“What do you need an app for?” Jihoon asks Daniel; “I refuse to believe somebody is actually rejecting you.”

“Maybe he’s shy.” Guanlin suggests.

Seongwoo wants to know too - because all things considered, he and Daniel never talk about that. They’ve been best friends for 3 years now, give or take, literally in each other’s butts for 24 hours a day, seven days a week - but they have those odd topics. Strange phases, and weird periods, where Seongwoo isn’t sure what’s happening and why, and he never dares to ask either. It always gets peculiarly tense or awkward or both. It’s like an intimacy issue, but not exactly, and he can never pinpoint a reason to it.

They were having it just this week, too. After they accidentally fall asleep together on the couch in Daniel’s dorm. Which is why Seongwoo was babysitting Jaehwan instead of sitting between Guanlin and Daniel.

“Nah, it’s just… hassle free. There’s no pictures, too. All you have to do is put a name and an icon from a limited variety one, and that’s it. It’s… easy. I— uh-” He turns to Seongwoo distractingly, all of the sudden; “Why were you talking about that?”

“Because, I just told you! Seongwoo--ommff!” He covers his mouth, just in case.

 _“Buddy_ , you need to lay off the rum.”

Jaehwan bites his hand, and springs up, clearly about to announce something outrageous (“Seongwoo wants dick!” most likely), so Seongwoo tackles him down back onto the couch; “Shut up because I got the kind of dirt on you that would make you piss your pants. And I'll send it directly to Minhyun's phone.”

“No, not to my mortal enemy!”

Seongwoo sits on him, just so he won’t get any ideas.

When Jisung comes to fetch him home, an hour or so later, Jaehwan is already sleeping between Daniel and Seongwoo, cheek squished and mouth opened. Like a toddler. Jihoon and Guanlin spent a good amount of time on stacking cups on his head, and Daniel wrote “return to minhyun if found” on his other cheek.

Jisung sighs dramatically, and Seongwoo helps him to get him to the car.

“Next time just don’t let him drink.”

“You were the one bartending.”

“I was not. I was just by the drinking station because none of you can hold your liquor. Somebody needs to be the adult. Jesus, there’s going to be a river of puke in our bathroom tonight, he’s not even conscious.”

“But — nobody took advantage of him! And we took care of that! Because we’re such good friends! Looking out for his virtue and all!”

Jisung looks back at Jaehwan on the back, with the marker slightly smudged on his face, and his hair all over the place, then back at Seongwoo; “Yeah, thank you for that.” He revs the car.

“Drive safe!” Seongwoo waves.

Jisung shows him the finger out of the window.

Seongwoo snorts and is about to get back to the party, when he bumps onto Daniel at the door, who was just leaving.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“I was, uh, just… Are you going home?”

“Yeah. Just grabbing my—” Daniel holds up his jacket to him, and Seongwoo smiles.

“Such a gentlemen.”

“Woojin left, too. I think Minhyun is here, though… somewhere, but I can’t find him. So I’m heading home, too.”

“What time is it?”

“Around 2am.” There’s an unlit cigarette hanging on his lip as he watches him put his jacket on, hands in his pockets.

They head out, in relative silence, and Seongwoo bumps his shoulder onto his; “Want to crush at my place? It’s closer.”

“Nah. Not today.”

More silence. Seongwoo hates this. It feels like there’s something unsaid hanging between them, and they can’t really figure out what.

They turn a corner, their arms brushing slightly. Seongwoo nibbles at his lower lip.

“Ugh - did you finish that thing for crafts?”

“What, the sculpture?”

“Yeah.”

“Almost. Still needs a few things added. Let me guess, you didn’t even start?”

“I’m good at the painting part of art. Not the… physical… mud-pie part.”

“It’s clay. Just get your hands in it and…” He makes a weird obscene gesture with his hands and Seongwoo laughs and mimics him, as if he’s grabbing onto tits or something.

It gets quiet after that, but it’s saturday, and they pass some girls who giggle at them, one of them calling out “Hi!” even though they clearly don't know each other.

Daniel smiles back, looking after them, as _they_ look after the two of them, then looks back at him, narrowing his eyes ever so slightly.

Seongwoo gets it. The dyed grey hair, and the earring, and the leather jacket. The broad shoulders and the way he carries himself, with an air of aloofness - all the things wet dreams are made of.

Except Daniel isn’t exactly like that. He’s actually gentle, and goofy. He likes to mess around. There’s a softness to him, that can’t really be explained; the way he plays with Seongwoo’s hair, or when he holds a hand to his nape - and at least _that_ , that’s something Seongwoo doesn’t have to share with anybody else.

“Are you back at it?” He asks before he can help it.

Daniel raises his eyebrows at him, and Seongwoo reaches for the cigarette in his mouth, trying to take it out, but he holds it with his teeth.

Seongwoo tears it out. Daniel spews the butt of it at him, and Seongwoo pushes him. He laughs.

“You promised you’re quitting.”

“I am. This is just…” He scrunches his nose. “It relaxes me to feel the weight of it. It’s not lit.”

“You just need to find something else to preoccupy your mouth with.”

He wanted it come off as casual - it _is_ casual. It could be. Gum. Toothpicks. Jellies. But his mind has other ideas, and it takes Daniel a moment too long to actually reply, which means he thought about something else, too.

“Like?”

“Gums. Toothpicks. Jellies.” Seongwoo recites from the list of excuses his mind already printed out for him; “You like jellies.”

He hums. “I can’t just chew on jellies all the time. My teeth will rot.”

“Not if you brush your teeth like a good boy.”

“I can be a good boy.” Daniel takes out another cigarette and hangs it on his mouth; “Just not with jellies.”

It’s a counter attack, that’s what it is, and he even looks smug about it.

Seongwoo snorts, but doesn’t say anything for a moment.

Thank god his dorm is across the corner.

“So… what was that thing about? With Jaehwan?”

Oh. They’re talking about that.

Peachy.

“Nothing. He was just drunk.”

“Nothing?”

“Nothing.” Seongwoo can literally see the windows of his room from where they are, shuffling slowly down the street.

Safe haven. He can just run ahead and yell bye, and try to forget this ever happened, but at the same time, he wants to tell him. To talk. About things. So he does. He says; “Just…” immediately regrets it, and trails off.

For a long time he thought he’s just man-crushing on him. Daniel is slightly younger. They’re both Art major, same year - Seongwoo specializes in traditional art, he’s good with watercolors and portraits, and his commissions always get snatched right off the bat. Daniel majors in design. He’s good in forms, shapes, and creating stuff. 3D stuff. Sculptures. All the teachers adore him, and he’s pretty popular around campus. When they got paired up during freshman year, it was literally all Seongwoo wanted to do. To be with him. All the time.

Even Jisung called it a man-crush.

Except it wasn't just some man-crush. It was _a_ Crush. Crush with a capital C. A crush- _crush_. The kind of toe-curling, lip-biting, schoolgirl crush, except with additional NC17 content. He could spend a whole day with Daniel during class, then head back to the dorm, and think about him for hours, during homework, in the shower, before bed. It starts platonic, but in his head, Daniel’s hands would always go the extra mile. Mundane scenarios would turn into dirty fantasies with the right prompt. Simple smiles or hugs that he’d repeat in his head would turn into slow, mindblowing, intense kisses that would make him hear ringing in his ears. And sometimes he’d just find himself wishing - for anything, anything at all.

Those thoughts are drowned during the day; muted, because he has a thousand of things to distract him. But during the night they’d resurface, uglier, more desperate than ever, and by definition; _not friendly_.

It could be the reason why he and Daniel could talk about anything - other than _that_. Topics like sex and past girlfriends turned into sensitive subjects that Seongwoo needed special maneuvering around, and waking up with Daniel’s hand draped around him because they pulled an all-nighter could make them awkward for a week.

“Just?” He urges all of the sudden, and Seongwoo doesn’t know how to phrase himself for a moment, the alcohol in his body making it difficult to stop himself from blurting something dumb out.

Except they’ve reached the dorm, and Seongwoo can bid his farewells and pretend nothing happened, the way they always do.

He doesn’t. He stops and turns to him, avoiding Daniel’s eyes for a moment, then saying; “It’s - ugh. It’s probably dumb. That’s why I think it’s nothing. It’s just that… college is perceived as a time for you to explore boundaries and experience things. And I don’t think I’ve done that enough. Or at all.”

There. It’s out in the open. And he said it in a way that won’t have to make things weird. He deserves a pat on the back.

“So you talked to _Jaehwan_ about it?” Daniel is somewhere between amused and speechless.

“Yup.” He smiles bitterly, then snorts because it does seem kind of funny now that he's mostly sobered up. “It seemed like such a good idea after the fifth beer. This is why you need to look after me when I drink. I’m a lightweight.” Shifting the blame at Daniel always makes him feel better. Brattiness always works out for him; somehow with Daniel, it's a winning move.

“You’re lucky he didn’t get up a table and started making poems about how gay you are.”

“Am I? It seemed kind of funny when he was doing it to you.”

Daniel sniggers and looks down the road they came from, just to avoid his eyes.

“You sure you don’t want to crush at my place? It’ll take you, like, 20 minutes from here. And there’s no buses this late.”

“Positive.” He takes the cigarette out of his mouth, and plays with it for a moment; “That site - it’s… well… if you’re looking for girls, you’re not going to find any there.” He hangs it back on his mouth.

“That’s kind of the point, though. Because I’ve been with girls.”

Daniel nods lightly, as if he got what Seongwoo is trying to say, and then it occurs to Seongwoo - that Daniel goes there. It’s his turf. It’s where he heads to jack off. Anonymously, too.

It’d be kind of odd if your bestie was there, too.

“Listen - I’m… I’m probably not going to go there. If that’s what you’re worried about. I wouldn’t even know what to chat about. Jaehwan was just suggesting it as an idea on ‘how to start slow’, along with ‘don’t invite male hookers’ and ‘don’t watch gay porn, that’s intimidating’ and obviously it’s where you’re…” He trails off when Daniel finally meets his eyes.

It’s dark and the streetlight barely helps. He should've just gone up. His heartbeat picks up. 

“No, you should. You definitely should.  I’m not worried about that at all. I can take a break from it. And you don’t have to chat about anything. As much as I hate to admit it, Jaehwan was right about it being a good place to start. Not everybody there are trying to get off. It’s just a chatroom. There’s plenty of people there, too. So chances are you’ll never even find me.”

“Yeah - but… It’s really - weird? No? It’s weird. It's a dumb idea.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb.” Is all he says, shuffling slightly from one leg to another. “It’s worth a try. What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Seongwoo bobbles his head left and right in uncertainty, as if he doesn’t want to openly oppose it, but has yet to be convinced to do otherwise. “Don’t smoke the minute you’ll pass the corner.” He changes the subject.

Daniel plays with the cig at his lips, making it go up and down with his teeth, as if he’d nodding, but then grins, wide and open.

“I’ll know if you do.” He warns.

“Now I’m not quitting to spite you.”

Seongwoo hits his shoulder, not too hard.

Daniel hits back, chuckling.

They stay there for another moment; talking about some assignment they had the past week, and then he’s gone. Seongwoo hates himself for racing upstairs, just so he could see Daniel before he passes the corner.

His cigarette is still unlit on his lips. Before he turns he glances back, and smiles when he sees him at the window, half of his body hanging out of the window, and raises his middle finger at him.

Seongwoo snorts and nibbles at his lip for a moment, then decides to risk it and send him a message.

**Self: Good Boy.**

The reply is instant.

**Daniel: I’m smoking as we speak, you just can’t see it.**

**Self: Then turn back and show your face. You’re like a minute away from the corner.**

**Daniel: ::smirking cat emoji:: can’t, too tired**

**Self: then you’re not smoking.**

**Daniel: I am!!!!1**

**Self: proof pic, then.**

**Daniel: ah, the phone’s battery is dying.**

**Self: cute.**

**Daniel: goodnight hyung**

Seongwoo wants to text a bit more, but doesn’t want to push it, either. They had a long weird week, as it is.

**Self: sweet dreams ::moon emoji::**

 

.

 

A long warm shower, and the comfort of his blankets should be enough to knock him out after a night a drinking, but instead he has _thoughts_.

Thoughts like; Daniel heading to the chat one last time before taking a break. That sort of thoughts.

That’s actually the only thought.

It’s so alone in his head, it’s echoing off the walls, loud as hell.

It was an odd hanging-in-the-air conversation. Seongwoo didn’t say he’s definitely not doing it. Daniel didn’t say he’d definitely stop. He probably will, because he’s the type of person who would give something up for a friend. But it’s rather early; sometimes he stays up until 4am.

He springs out of his blanket, kicking the blanket away and pulls his laptop to his lap.

He chews on his nail.

He really shouldn’t.

It’s a ridiculously dumb thing to do. He should just go to sleep.

Except he’s wide awake and too alert to even think about it. Just the possibility of having to talk to Daniel without the ‘best friend’ stamp looming over them, excites him. Without him knowing who he is.

But thing is that’s a total breach of friendship rules out there.  

But he wants to.

It’s not like he’s even specifically turned on, yet. He’s not. He’s just… intrigued.

He wants to see what’s the fuss is all about.

If he knew it existed before, he probably would’ve already done it, just for the kicks.

He types it in before he’s able to talk himself out of it.

Chances are Daniel probably went to sleep. Yes. Definitely.

The site loads. It’s pastel purple page, and in the center there’s the logo; a minimalistic vector of a closet with one of the doors opened.

Very original.

There’s also an option to type a name.

Seongwoo writes ‘kitten_ong’ because that’s his go-to option, most of the time. Except now. That’s probably not wise. There’s no way Daniel won’t recognize it.

His family name is also pretty unusual - and last thing he needs is nasty rumours circulating about him. He doesn’t want it to be completely anonymous and random, either, though.

It’s probably dumb that he’s even loitering on something like that, but he can’t help it.

If a chance to text Daniel is going to present itself - even though it probably won’t, it shouldn’t, it _can’t_ \- he does want his nickname to be memorable. Maybe it’s better if it’s not memorable.

Maybe it’s better to not login, at all.

He goes with _Whiskers_. He has to choose an icon, and most of them are vectors from the same set of minimalistic design as the logo. He goes with a cat. Suits the nickname.

It gives him several customization options, like location, reminds him he can change the theme whenever he wants to. And can refresh the site to log back in with another username.

A chat window loads. And messages immediately flood on the screen.

Even though it’s well after 2am, the chat is quite alive and kicking. Some guy is talking about coming out to his parents. Others are consulting him. Others are talking between themselves.

Somebody greets his presence with “Welcome Whiskers!” and 3 others follow suit, and Seongwoo has no idea what the hell is he supposed to do.

Greet back?

For a moment he watches a conversation developing into an argument, and then his computer tings, and a new chat window opens on the tab bar of the site. 

From a certain **Mr.Cum**. Who sent him his very erect but not all that big penis.

Seongwoo snorts and closes the chatroom.

More private messages follow.

As expected, most of them are looking for hookups, some just want pictures of his junk. A person who called **LacyStockings** asks if he likes to wear stockings when he masturbates. Another guy asks him if he’s bi or full gay. Somebody sends him a meme.

Seongwoo finds himself replying to some, and ignoring others. He chats with a dude called **TheProfessor** who clearly has a student kink, but then it gets weird when he tells him he’s an actual professor in the university - he doesn’t even hide it - and promptly starts asking him what his major is, and what classes he’s taking and what are his grades.

Last thing he needs right now is to talk about his grades.

The dude that keeps on sending him gay-related memes and it makes him laugh, and another dude keeps on sending him pictures of his hairy asshole.

Seongwoo wonders if there’s a block option.

There’s currently 108 people in his area who are in the chat, and the main window is hard to follow, since a lot of people are talking about a lot of things.

Somebody is giving away puppies (good families only!).

Somebody wants a daddy to spank him.

Somebody is watching Taboo and Tom Hardy makes him _a fucking mess_.

It’s all very… well… opened. And it is really hassle-free.

Seongwoo gets what Daniel likes in it. It kind of feels like their social group chats where Jaehwan always sends selcas and fishing for compliments, and Jisung is always exasperated, and Sungwoon thinks they’re a bunch of losers, Daehwi rants about his teachers, and Jinyoung comments about _everything_ with three dots. Except it’s anonymous and you can talk about _whatever_ you want.

He can write ‘I want Daniel’s dick’, for all he cares.

He looks through the nicknames on the side menu, thinking he might recognize Daniel, but nothing really springs up at him.

He scrolls around a bit.

Then decides to quit.

Then decides to stay.

Then decides to quit.

Then the **memedude** sends him another meme. **69Bum69** asks him if he likes getting tied up. Some other dude asks him how old he is.

 **DestroyerD** sends him a simple _Hey_.

Seongwoo almost closes the chat, but then decides, for the heck of it, why not. It can’t be worse than the hairy asshole guy.

**DestroyerD: Hey.**

**Whiskers: Hi.**

**DestroyerD: We have the matching icon. :)**

Seongwoo glances up, and yeah, they do. He’s probably just trying to make a conversation. It’s an odd combination of a name to icon, but he supposes it doesn’t really matter.

**Whiskers: Hey, we do! :)**

**DestroyerD: You a student at the uni?**

**Whiskers: Yeah. U?**

**DestroyerD: Me too.**

Aaaand that’s it. He should probably ask a question too, but he doesn’t really know what to ask. He isn’t even sure if he’s gay.

He’s not even sure if he’d like to do something with a guy that isn’t his best friend. Which is all sorts of disturbing when you put it like that.

**DestroyerD: You new around here?**

**DestroyerD: I mean, at the app.**

**Whiskers: Kinda. How can you tell?**

**DestroyerD: Dunno. Never saw your nick before.**

**DestroyerD: And you’re also not talking in the main chat, so I got curious.**

**Whiskers: isn’t this whole thing supposed to be anon?**

**Whiskers: I could be literally any other person using a new nickname.**

**DestroyerD: People tend to use the same nicks, tho.**

**Whiskers: Huh.**

**DestroyerD: Yeah. Girls tend to play games like that. Guys are more straightforward. That’s why I like it here. It’s bullshit free.**

Seongwoo wants to oppose it, because not all girls are like that, and guys play games too - but instead notices another detail.

**Whiskers: So you’ve been with girls?**

**DestroyerD: Yeah, I’m bi.**

**DestroyerD: You?**

**Whiskers: Is it allowed to say that I don’t know yet?**

**Whiskers: That’s sort of why I’m here.**

The guy takes his time answering. Maybe he should’ve said he’s gay. But what was the point in lying? What is the point in being here at all?

He checks the side bar for the nicknames, literally scanning for anything Daniel-esque.

He supposes that once he’ll find it, it’ll immediately jump up to him. There’s a few that sound like it might be it - but nothing definite.

Daniel’s nickname in kakaotalk is Danik, and his gmail is CatPaboDanik - somehow Seongwoo assumes he’ll use something along those lines.

God, what is wrong with him? Does he really wants to ruin things with Daniel that much?  So if he finds him, then what? How would he even face him the next day? He’s basically grasping at straws at this point.

The dude answers and it tings and flashes on the other window.  

**DestroyerD: Just how new are you to the app?**

**Whiskers: First time.**

**Whiskers: Be gentle with me.**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**DestroyerD: I’ll try.**

Seongwoo feels bad for logging off all of the sudden, but he doesn’t feel like chatting either any longer. He’s not sure what he was thinking at all coming into the chatroom.

**DestroyerD: So, I take it, this is your first time texting at any gay app?**

**Whiskers: I guess, yeah.**

**DestroyerD: Did you ever sexted/cybered before?**

Seongwoo sighs.

It’s not like he didn’t expect it.

That’s the whole point of the app. To hook up. Anonymously. With other guys.

And this dude isn’t any different.

He’s probably turned on that Seongwoo didn’t even do it before.

Seongwoo feels kind of crossed and done. No wonder Minhyun always tells him that he gets bored easily. He really does.

**DestroyerD: You don’t have to answer that. I was just curious.**

**DestroyerD: We don’t have to talk about stuff like that - we can talk about whatever you’re comfortable with.**

He’s really making an effort, he’ll give him that. Treating him with silk gloves, so to say. Well, he did say he’d try. Seongwoo sighs and decides to answer.

**Whiskers: It’s fine.**

**Whiskers: Yeah, I did that a few times. Just with girls.**

**Whiskers: My girlfriend and I would do that. When we couldn’t meet. And some random hookups.**

**DestroyerD: So why the sudden interest in guys?**

Seongwoo rubs his sideburns, trying to think how to answer. Then leans back on his pillow, and draws the computer to his belly.

**DestroyerD: You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.**

**Whiskers: There’s a guy I think I like.**

**Whiskers: I don’t know if it’s just a weird phase, or a man-crush. Or if I actually want him.**

**DestroyerD: Well**

**DestroyerD: It’s not rocket science**

**DestroyerD: Do you jack off to him?**

**Whiskers: Yeah**

**DestroyerD: Do you jack to other guys, too?**

**Whiskers: well, not guys around me, no.**

**Whiskers: Maybe occasionally to some guy, or a celebrity**

**Whiskers: And guys in porn**

**Whiskers: Not to friends.**

**Whiskers: I never thought about that, actually, my mind just goes pretty blank once i’m in the mood**

**DestroyerD: Is he your friend? Or just like… a hyung you know?**

**Whiskers: No, not a hyung.**

**Whiskers: A good friend.**

Seongwoo feels both ashamed and embarrassed. Crushing on your best friend and waiting for him to notice you. An overused movie plot. The oldest cliche in the book.

**DestroyerD: How long did you like him?**

**Whiskers: I don’t know. Around 2 years. I liked him before, too, obviously, just…**

**Whiskers: I couldn’t admit it for what it was, maybe.**

**DestroyerD: I see.**

**DestroyerD: I think it’s safe to say it’s not a phase if it’s been going on for two years lol**

**Whiskers: Lol**

**DestroyerD: what do you like about him?**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lower lip. Where does he even begin? _Everything_ seems too general. But it really is _everything_.

Even the things that annoy him about Daniel are kind of likeable - it’s just things that he accepts as a part of him, no matter how annoying they are.

When he thinks about it - really thinks - it’s probably the way Daniel carries himself. His attitude.

He’s carefree, but not _thoughtless_. Easygoing, but not irresponsible. He can crack the lamest joke or giggle about something for half an hour, and then the next minute, he can be intense as fuck, almost downright chill-inducing. Seongwoo really likes that about him. But he has no idea how to explain that in a way that makes sense, in a way that is coherent, and doesn’t sound like he’s just spazzing at the keyboard like that cat meme.

**DestroyerD: wow you’re really struggling with this, aren’t you? lol**

**Whiskers: gimme a moment**

**Whiskers: it’s hard to type it all down**

**DestroyerD: I’m guessing it’s less of a physical thing, then**

**Whiskers: No**

**Whiskers: Well**

**Whiskers: Yes and no**

**Whiskers: Both.**

Physical attraction is easier, he supposes. There are certain things he thinks about when he touches himself, certain things he secretly moons over, and fantasizes about.

**Whiskers: I suppose the go-to would be the broad shoulders? Or the height?**

**Whiskers: I like his hands, though. They’re roughly the same size as mine. But where my fingers are long and scrawny - his are bigger and wider.**

Seongwoo bites his lip again just imagining Daniel’s touch.

**Whiskers: His grip is firm and steady, you could tell that he’s fit, that his hands are strong - but whenever he touches me**

**Whiskers: he’s always so**

**Whiskers: gentle**

**Whiskers: sometimes we’d just stand somewhere, and he’d just brush the back of his fingers down my arm, up and down, down and up**

**Whiskers: It drives me crazy**

**Whiskers: And he’s not even doing that on purpose, he’s just tactile like that**

**Whiskers: I just always find that part of him ridiculously sexy, how he’s capable of being so tender with me. I don’t think any of my guy friends is that soft with me.**

**Whiskers: Okay, that was total word vomit**

**Whiskers: And now I also sound like a total freak lol**

He nibbles at his lip again, pretty hard, until it hurts.

He’s fucking excited to finally talk to somebody about his goddamn crush on Daniel.

Even if it’s just a stranger online, somebody who doesn't know jack about him or Daniel- and yet, it's exactly what he wanted the entire time. All his friends are Daniel’s friends. And discussing that sort of thing feels like committing a social suicide. Even people who might understand, like Daehwi or Jisung - he can’t imagine their reactions to it. He can’t even imagine himself speaking to somebody about this - because it might be nothing at all. It feels as if the minute he’ll entrust this with somebody, it’ll be over. Like a secret that isn’t worth a thing anymore if it’s out in the open.

But instead it’s… liberating. To finally discuss Daniel in a way he has only allowed himself to think about.

**DestroyerD: Fuck**

**DestroyerD: No.**

Seongwoo waits for a moment for him to continue.

When he doesn’t, he starts typing a question, ask what he meant by that, but a new message finally appears;

**DestroyerD: That’s really hot.**

**DestroyerD: That you notice such things**

**DestroyerD: About him**

It’s oddly complimenting. That somebody thinks that. And kinda hot that _he_ thinks it’s hot.

It’s weird - it only occurs to him _then_ that he’s talking to an actual person. Not a fellow cat icon, or a immature porn account name, but a person with needs and hopes and his own shit to deal with. Somebody who probably has a crush or an ex, he thinks about too. Somebody who can get turned on by things.

Somebody who's just like Daniel and him.

**DestroyerD: It’s not weird at all, that you like his hands**

**DestroyerD: I mean, I don’t think it’s weird.**

**DestroyerD: I think he’d be turned on by that, too**

**DestroyerD: If he’d know**

**Whiskers: Does it turn you on?**

**DestroyerD: Yeah**

Seongwoo asked but has no idea what to do with that information. He contemplates on what to send for a bit too long, and the dude writes a message before he can:

**DestroyerD: Does that make you uncomfortable?**

**Whiskers: Not particularly.**

**Whiskers: What are other things that turned on?**

**Whiskers: Turn /guys/ on, I mean.**

**Whiskers: lol asking for purely research purposes.**

**DestroyerD: Of course, you are. lol**

**Whiskers: I am! I don’t think any of my guy friends would answer this seriously, and I don’t even know how to approach the subject lol**

**DestroyerD: There’s a lot of things**

**DestroyerD: Can’t talk for every guy, tho, just for myself?**

**DestroyerD: I like it when he forgets to style or comb his hair and comes to class with messy bedhead, and glasses. His style is very neat. He likes clean, tidy lines, and soft sweaters. Sporty comfortable clothes. That sort of thing. So when he’s a little destroyed… like, if he had to pull an allnighter to finish something, or if he just woke up, and he still a bit disoriented - that really turns me on.**

It can be the alcohol - but it’s almost easy to imagine Daniel on the other side of the chatroom.

He’d sit on the bed in his tiny dorm-room, that always smells like earth and wood. He’d be wearing pajama pants, and the window will be open, even though he’s freezing, a lit cigarette sitting on the windowsill, burning out, because he forgot about it as he types.

His fingers almost itch to paint it.

**DestroyerD: I like how he allows himself to be a bit more bratty with me, even though he’s technically older. When we’re alone, sometimes he says things, does things - that are almost obscene to me. He knows exactly what buttons to press. Most of the time I feel sort of challenged? Maybe not challenged but more provoked? I think he knows. He must know the sort of power he has over me, so he does it on purpose.**

**Whiskers: He sounds like a fuckboy.**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**DestroyerD: He’s not. He’s the sweetest, most generous person I’ve ever met.**

**Whiskers: You’re sugarcoating it, he’s a douche if he does it on purpose**

**DestroyerD: LMFAO**

**DestroyerD: I think he just… doesn’t know yet what he wants.**

**DestroyerD: Lately things are… difficult between us. Because of that. I also don’t want to push him. We’re in a good place right now. Just - sometimes things get awkward. It can even be really small things? But I’d have to take a second to kill my urges down lol**

**DestroyerD: For example, his body type is lean, but not muscular, he doesn’t have a crazy six pack or anything, he just looks so effortlessly good when he does things, though. Whenever his shirt rides up… there’s a trail of light brown hairs going down the waistband of his underwear. My sanity just jumps out of the window lol, I can’t even think straight**

Seongwoo can’t help but put his own hand on his abdomen. Never in his entire life, he’d thought somebody would consider that hot or erotic.

**DestroyerD: I never grew hair in that particular part of my body lol**

**DestroyerD: Do you have any?**

**Whiskers: Yeah, I have some**

**DestroyerD: What do they feel like?**

He allows his fingers go underneath his shirt. The hair there is soft and fine. Seongwoo never really taken the time to touch it.

**Whiskers: Kind of feels like peach fuzz**

**Whiskers: lol**

**DestroyerD: Do you like being touched there?**

Seongwoo continues grazing his hands through it; it’s not like there’s too much to touch, anyway.

His ex used to hate any form of body hair beside the one on her head. It made him very self conscious of it, when she commented about it negatively, but because he’d  been single since he broke up with her, he forgot all about it, and shaving seemed so unnatural anyway. Fuck her.

Now that it’s there, and he touches it, it sends little spikes of pleasure downwards. It’s definitely an erogenous zone he hasn’t fully explored yet. His body feels hot, the tips of his fingers itchy.

**Whiskers: I never really… considered that place as erotic before.**

**Whiskers: but yeah, it feels good**

**DestroyerD: Are you touching it right now?**

**Whiskers: Yeah**

He realizes he wasn't breathing until he pressed enter, and an odd shaky exhale escapes his mouth.

**DestroyerD: Fuck**

**DestroyerD: I wish I could touch it, too**

He stares at the chatroom, willing it to make sense, for the situation to make sense, for the heat on his cheeks to pass. Except it grows even worse, and he feels it spreading to his ears and his neck.

**DestroyerD: I know exactly how I would. Because I know exactly what you’d like.**

**Whiskers: kinda arrogant, aren’t you**

**Whiskers: you don’t even know me**

**DestroyerD: I know enough.**

**DestroyerD: I’d be so gentle with you, so good**

The thing is, Seongwoo knows the dude on the other side of the chat is probably only looking to get off. He’s a conquest, even though it’s just online. Seongwoo’s sorta virginal at this, and doesn’t know if he’s even ready. He’s probably already touching himself, because he thinks it’s hot.

But it’s not all that one-sided, because he can’t help it, either. He can’t help but imagine Daniel saying that. He can almost hear his voice. He can’t help but imagine him with his hand down his pajama pants. In his dorm room. He can’t help but wish he’s chatting with him, and Daniel is thinking about him while texting.

**Whiskers: Yeah?**

**Whiskers: What would you do?**

He sends one of his hand downwards, to stroke himself through his sweatpants.

The fabric is harsh on his skin, but feels weirdly muted on his cock.

He hasn’t done that in a long while; touch himself before he even removed his pants or underwear.

But he feels a little hesitant and cautious - like there might be a catch, after all. Like it might be a prank, and somebody might be watching him, like he’s back in high-school, and someone might open the door to his room.

**DestroyerD: I’d run my the tips of my fingers underneath your shirt. All the way down from your shoulders.**

**DestroyerD: And I’d be slow, even slower when I’ll run my fingers through the hair on your abdomen.**

**DestroyerD: I’ll make you feel every strand of hair.**

If he had any control over the situation, now it’s gone.

He almost wants to throw his head back and just get off, but instead he follows the instructions on the screen, sending his hand slow down his abdomen. Probably a bit faster than what destroyerd means, but his boxers feel tight and uncomfortable and he wants them off. He wonders if Daniel would touch him like that, if given the chance. He wants to touch himself how Daniel would. Fuck, he’d definitely go slow with him.

**DestroyerD: Once I’ll reach your boxers, I’d use my thumbs to draw them down.**

**DestroyerD: Little by little.**

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

**DestroyerD: I’ll take my time with you.**

**DestroyerD: I’ll stop right before it’s off**

**Whiskers: fuck**

**Whiskers: no**

**Whiskers: I can’t**

**DestroyerD: Sure, you can. I’ll make sure of that. I’ll plant my hand on the base of your cock first, I’d want to feel every inch of you though the fabric**

He can imagine it, Daniel’s hands, big and warm, his touch would be gentle on his crotch, searching, probably trying to please.

**DestroyerD: Fuck, I’d be so good to you**

**DestroyerD: I’d adore you the way you deserve**

Daniel would say something like that, too, something nice instead of dirty.

Something intense and genuine and tender.

**Whiskers: yes**

**Whiskers: please just**

He’s aware he’s not all that coherent, but he no longer remembers what he wanted to send originally. He can only use one hand, because the other is on his crotch, because he’s impatient, and lacks any sort of discipline when it comes to that, because it’s much more real than any daydream or extensive fantasy he had of Daniel.

**DestroyerD: Are you close?**

**Whiskers: Yes**

**DestroyerD: Then let me help you with that.**

He pulls his dick out, and shudders when he clutches onto it.

**DestroyerD: Would you want me to go slow?**

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

He even mumbles it, even though he vaguely understands the other person can’t hear him.

**DestroyerD: Or quick and rough? Would you trust me to spread your legs and do what I want?**

Seongwoo’s fingers are shaking as he types.

**Whiskers: slow**

**Whiskers: go slow**

**Whiskers: go like you would on your crush**

**DestroyerD: I’d ruin you, if I could**

**DestroyerD: I’d know exactly where to touch**

**DestroyerD: I’d stimulate you till your thighs shake**

**DestroyerD: Would you like that?**

**DestroyerD: to lose yourself with me?**

Everything that comes after that is a blur. He only focuses on touching himself, and doesn’t bother being coherent. He doesn’t even remember what he writes, or if he does. He throws his head back, and closes his eyes, and just imagines Daniel on top of him. God, after that last hour, that just feels _right_.

Like how it should be.

His orgasm is fast but harsh and he clutches onto his sheet with his free hand. He can almost hear ringing in his ears from how hard he cums.

He feels a bit empty once the last shudder leaves his body. His lower lip is abused from extensive chewing, and he can’t stop stroking himself for another minute or so, trying to settle his thoughts during a rough afterglow.

His face still feels like it’s burning, and his chest rises and falls heavily, when he finally opens his eyes. It’s hard to come down from that sort of high.

**DestroyerD: You okay?**

Is the last message in the chat.

**Whiskers: Ye**

**Whiskers: Yeah***

**Whiskers: Fuck**

**Whiskers: How are you so good at this?**

**DestroyerD: I’m not all that good**

**DestroyerD: I just say what I usually would**

**DestroyerD: guess we’re just compatible :)**

**Whiskers: compatibility for sexting**

**Whiskers: I must have been living under a rock**

Seongwoo draws the computer back to his belly after it fell a bit to the left, sighing lightly. He wipes his hand on the sheet, not bothering to find his wipes.

His whole body is sluggish and he struggles to pull his pants back up.

It’s well past 4o’clock, but he kind of feels like staying until his afterglow completely passes. That’s the worst part of doing things alone.

**DestroyerD: It could happen.**

**DestroyerD: Not every time I talk with some dude I cum this fast lol**

**Whiskers: lol**

He goes over the conversation, wondering why. He wasn’t awfully talkative.

Now that he reads it - he wasn’t at all. Bare minimum. Lots of pregnant pauses.

The other dude did all the talking.

He never even mentioned his own dick.

**Whiskers: uh**

**Whiskers: I’m sorry I wasn’t a really active participant**

**Whiskers: I don’t really know what to say**

**Whiskers: I don’t know how to word it correctly.**

**DestroyerD: That’s okay**

**DestroyerD: I don’t mind it**

**DestroyerD: It’s your first time here**

**DestroyerD: And you’ve never been with another dude too**

**DestroyerD: It’d probably be a turn off. To think about somebody else’s dick. At first.**

**Whiskers: Actually, no.**

**Whiskers: I don’t mind it all that much.**

**DestroyerD: Oh.**

**DestroyerD: Well, you can always do better next time.**

**DestroyerD: If you want.**

**Whiskers: Are we going to have a chat-date?**

**DestroyerD: lol yeah**

**DestroyerD: Just use the same nickname. I’ll find you.**

**Whiskers: Okay**

**Whiskers: Cool**

**Whiskers: Yeah, we can do that**

**DestroyerD: Okay lol**

**DestroyerD: ugh**

**DestroyerD: we don’t have to err sext**

**DestroyerD: We can just chat**

**DestroyerD: idk why this went south so fast**

**Whiskers: It’s okay lol**

**Whiskers: no harm done**

**Whiskers: well some harm was done to my sheets, mostly**

**DestroyerD: ::blushing emoji::**

**Whiskers: i’ll send you the laundry bill**

**DestroyerD: ah, the perks of anonymity finally working for my favour**

**Whiskers: Why are they only working now? What if you’re a disfigured bald man with syphilis? Anonymity fixed that. And all the other things you don’t like about yourself.**

**DestroyerD: I like everything about myself**

**DestroyerD: I’m perfect**

Seongwoo laughs, because that’s what Jaehwan go-to phrase, and everybody got the bad habit of mocking him, come the occasion. Even people that barely knew him. Maybe this guy knew him, too? He was going to their university, after all, and living close by. Fuck. 

**DestroyerD: It’s pretty late ::yawning emoji::**

**DestroyerD: my eyes are just slipping shut**

**Whiskers: lol sweet dreams**

**DestroyerD: Goodnight**

Seongwoo shuts the laptop and shoves it off, rolling over onto his belly, and groans.

He remembers from sexting with girls. God, so much cringe. He used to hate doing that. He remembers having to read online how to prep the ground, and examples of what to say.  He remembers how long it got him to get into the right mood. But just now, the shift in the mood was quick, almost like somebody flipped a switch off, and then they were back talking normally.

Maybe it really is easier for guys.

Maybe it’s just because he’s intoxicated.

He picks up his phone, and goes through his photos until he finds some selfies he took with Daniel. One is the two of them laughing about something. The other is both of them showing their tongue to the camera. One is a bit blurry because Daniel pushed him, the next one had them both with chopsticks in their nose.

He snorts and ruffles his hair in frustration.

Fuck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :> yes so um  
> yeah okay  
> feel free to find me [here!](https://twitter.com/yeolinski) I don't bite, I'm new, and I'd love to have some new friends!


	2. Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff happen. 
> 
> ***This work is rated explicit for a reason! Please don't read it if that's too much for you. :)

**DestroyerD: I actually never told my parents**

**DestroyerD: not blatantly, I mean**

**DestroyerD: I don’t think they ever cared enough about my sexuality**

**DestroyerD: whenever i brought a girl up to my room, my mom would know that she’s a friend if I left the door opened, if the door is closed, she wouldn’t come in.**

**DestroyerD: once I brought a boy home, and closed the door, and my mom got the hint lol. On the weekend she was like ‘do we need to talk about condoms?’ and i was like ‘pls no, mom, let’s not’ lol**

**Whiskers: what did you do?**

**Whiskers: with the boy?**

**Whiskers: I mean**

**Whiskers: lol okay that was a dumb question**

**Whiskers: sorry if i’m nosy**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**DestroyerD: i was still in highschool so not much**

**DestroyerD: We just played video-games and made out**

**DestroyerD: in high-school everything seemed so urgent**

**DestroyerD: like ‘now or never’ sort of feeling**

**DestroyerD: he was the kind to pretend he doesn’t know me in school, to avoid a mess**

**DestroyerD: Honours Student**

**DestroyerD: He was so scared of getting bullied lol when in reality nobody actually cared**

**Whiskers: when I was in highschool, I was crushing on that chick from mass effect 2**

**Whiskers: lol i thought girls in my class are hideous compare to her**

**Whiskers: and the girls thought that i was hideous, too.**

**Whiskers: It was all very mutual**

**DestroyerD: dude ::laughing emoji::**

His sunday is spent in bed, with a light headache.

He wasn’t drunk enough for a hangover - He usually gets it only if he gets real wasted the night before. But the headache persists. When he’s not in bed, he’s by the aisle in his tiny room, sitting on the only chair in the room, painting. He needs to finish up his commissions, headache or no. Nothing really happens that sunday, either way.

In late morning, Jisung send a picture of Jaehwan passed out in his underwear on a messy bed, one of his hands hanging off of bed on the floor. His face is all squished, and he looks pretty green, despite not being conscious. “We survived the night!” he announces festively, as if it’s a cause of celebration. Minhyun sends an emoji of detergent spray and a judging face.

That’s pretty much the highlight of the day.

He’s tempted to text Daniel. Several times. But yesterday still makes him feel like all his organs got rearranged into new positions. So somewhere after dinner, when it’s too dark to paint, but too light to go to sleep, he logs back into the app.

He expects the dude from last to night to be absent, but before he can even go through the list of names to search for a nickname that would scream ‘Daniel’ at him, DestroyerD’s private chat window already pops up between the others.

The conversation is so light and comfortable, that he can’t even tear himself away from the screen to pee. They flirt a little, but in a lazy, half-assed way - but mostly they just talk.

 _Talk_.

Talk about subjects he can only wish he had the courage to bring up with Daniel. Whenever something like that comes up, they both shut down for some reason. Maybe it’s an intimacy thing? Maybe it’s because he’s crushing on him, and Daniel can tell? Maybe it’s because it’s hard for him to open up.

Even his ex had a rough time going past the layers. And when she did, she didn’t stick around for much longer. Maybe it’s because Seongwoo wants, wants, _wants_ him so much. Whenever he hears Daniel is hooking up, or having somebody new in his life, no matter how brief - it’s always from somebody else, before he hears it from Daniel himself. Almost like they’re not close enough to talk about such things. It like a tiny prickle reminding him about this huge unspoken thing hanging over them, like somebody keeps on picking at his scabs.

But anonymity - anonymity erases that. He’s not talking to Daniel. Not to Jisung. Just to some other dude. A  stranger who doesn’t care enough to judge. A stranger who has answers and questions of his own. A open-minded outsider, who has a fresh opinion on everything.

And Seongwoo asks, asks because he can. Asks because he knows those type of questions are not easy to answer face to face. Just because he knows it’s not something you’d talk about in a casual conversation; maybe only with Jisung and Minhyun, after 3am and one bottle too many of soju.

**DestroyerD: so no underage sex stories?**

**DestroyerD: how boring**

**Whiskers: shut up**

**DestroyerD: okay here’s a question! when was the first time you had sex?**

**Whiskers: I was working part time for a year after I graduated high school**

**Whiskers: gas station**

**Whiskers: night shifts were long and boring**

**Whiskers: there really wasn’t much to do with the other clerk lol**

**Whiskers: I think she liked me**

**Whiskers: at least I hope so**

**DestroyerD: What? What do you mean ‘i think she liked me’? You didn’t know?**

**Whiskers: Yeah, I didn’t know**

**Whiskers: She was very upfront about not wanting a relationship**

**Whiskers: and that we don’t go public with it**

**Whiskers: She said it’s /just/ sex.**

**DestroyerD: Was that really okay with you?**

**Whiskers: I don’t know how to answer that**

**Whiskers: I was horny and barely after high-school**

**Whiskers: she was maybe 5 years older?**

**Whiskers: She was somewhat sexy, I guess**

**Whiskers: She had huge tits, and she’s always wear a button up, and I found that sexy**

**Whiskers: personality wise? I don’t know. She was a history major in college, and she recently graduated, and all she could talk about is history and politics**

**Whiskers: And although I have an opinion on /everything/**

**DestroyerD: hear, hear**

Seongwoo snorts.

They’re chatting online two nights, and he already made an impression of a person who talks too much.

**Whiskers: asshole**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**Whiskers: I mean - because she was my senior, she’d have this notion that I shouldn’t interrupt her, and that i can’t disagree. I really hated that.**

**DestroyerD: So you didn’t like her at all?**

**Whiskers: I think maybe the correct way to put it is that I didn’t like her /enough/.**

**Whiskers: There really wasn’t any… sparks or anything**

**Whiskers: Nobody popped confetti after I came**

**Whiskers: Nobody opened a bottle of champagne and congratulated me on losing my virginity**

**Whiskers: No fireworks in my honour**

**Whiskers: I was just expecting… something. Anything.**

**DestroyerD: It wasn’t special**

**Whiskers: Yeah. It felt… empty.**

**DestroyerD: Do your regret it?**

**Whiskers: I don’t really know**

**Whiskers: By then all my friends were already devirginized, and I felt like I was missing out. She taught me how to behave and what to do. She was very clinical about it all.  It felt so awkward at first. It was much better with my first girlfriend after that. Like - at least I knew pee doesn’t come out from her vagina. They don’t explain enough of that stuff in Sex Ed lol**

**DestroyerD: Let me rephrase that**

**DestroyerD: would you think it would’ve been more special if it were with your current crush?**

**Whiskers: how is that a re-phrase of what you asked lmfao ::thinking emoji::**

**DestroyerD: I mean**

**DestroyerD: Do you think it’d be more special with your current crush?**

**Whiskers: I don’t know. Maybe.**

**Whiskers: I know that he’s different**

**Whiskers: From all my other crushes or relationships, he’s different**

**Whiskers: not just because he’s a guy, but because… I can feel a spark from the smallest touch.**

**Whiskers: because he’s a friend before he can be a lover. Because I want to do everything with him, and I’m also comfortable doing absolutely nothing with him, just being together. I never had that. And I can trust that he’ll understand me, even if I’ll do something stupid.**

**Whiskers: I’m just so… into him, and we share so many things in common, that it’d be easier to count all the things that I don’t.**

**Whiskers: So it’s already more special than any of my past relationships**

Seongwoo writes that before he thinks it, but it’s true.

All his girlfriend, all his hookups - they were girls who approached him first. Girls who were interested and assertive enough to pique his interest. He just ran along with it, most of the time. He was interested, sure, but not pining over them like a snotty school girl. And if they broke up, they broke up, he wouldn’t be sending drunken texts at 3am to his exes like Sungwoon, telling them that it’s their loss, and sending a dick pic to prove it.

Perhaps that’s why Daniel is so different. Because for the first time Seongwoo is the one who wants. Wants and wants and wants, and wants so much his head is spinning. He wants to preserve it, because they are so good together. So right. They feel invincible when they team for things, and Seongwoo wouldn’t trade it for the world, even if it meant erasing any trace of a fleeting feeling he ever had.

He rummages for a snack in the drawers, before crawling back under covers, prepping the laptop on top of his chest.

**DestroyerD: sorry had to fight my roommate**

**DestroyerD: you still there?**

**Whiskers: yeah**

**Whiskers: why did you have to fight your roommate?**

**DestroyerD: he scolded me for screaming at such a late hour.**

**Whiskers: lol why were you screaming**

**DestroyerD: no reason lol**

**DestroyerD: my toe hit the furniture**

**Whiskers: sorry, man i know how much that hurts**

**DestroyerD: you have no idea lol**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip, then decides to just ask. What could possibly be the harm? he already asked worse things today.

**Whiskers: What about you? Like, your first time?**

**DestroyerD: Last year of highschool. She was a bit of a tomboy. Hair always messy, pants underneath her skirt.**

**DestroyerD: I loved her, but she wanted to attend a college in Busan, and wouldn’t consider Seoul’s colleges an option even. We tried making it long-distance when I moved here. But that lasted for a month. Because she got jealous over girls liking my instagram and all that, and just broke it off.**

**Whiskers: My crush had that happen to him too during the first year. I don’t really know the details, but he was really broken hearted. And started dating/hooking up with everything that crawled up to him. I didn’t know him that well, so I thought he’s the kind of dude that makes a lot of bad decisions and has a lot of stds. :(**

**DestroyerD: loolllll**

**DestroyerD: i’m**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**Whiskers: It only occured to me I was crazy jealous much much later. But by that time I think I even sabotaged a few lol he got over it after the first year tho**

**DestroyerD: is that so?**

**DestroyerD: What did you do?**

**DestroyerD: wait no don’t answer that**

**Whiskers: lol it wasn’t something totally bad**

**Whiskers: some girl asked me to tell him that she’ll be waiting for him behind the faculty building. But we scheduled to work on a project at that time. So I never told him lol we ate ice-cream after studying when it was like below freezing point outside, it was a really nice day and I don’t regret a thing**

**DestroyerD: oh my god lol**

**Whiskers: Also at some party a girl might have asked me if he’s single, and i said sure but then proceeded to imply he has a really horrible std lol**

**Whiskers: i was a bit tipsy, i even came up with a clinical name for it**

**Whiskers: she totally ate it up**

**Whiskers: I think she even told her friends**

**Whiskers: I was so proud of myself**

**DestroyerD: pls stop**

**DestroyerD: I’m crying lol**

**DestroyerD: you’re ridiculous**

**Whiskers: when he first hooked up with a guy, that’s when it really hit me**

**Whiskers: my first thought was “okay cool, i didn’t know that, but i’m totally cool with that”**

**Whiskers: and my second thought was “but why not me?”**

**DestroyerD: but you only seriously started thinking about whether you like boys now**

**DestroyerD: maybe he thought you’re straight or not interested**

**Whiskers: Don’t excuse him!**

**Whiskers: He could’ve offered**

**Whiskers: Or something.**

**DestroyerD: hello long-time friend, can i copy your homework for advanced calculus, and while we’re at it, also suck your dick?**

**Whiskers: LOL oh god, i’d probably have an aneurysm if that happened**

**DestroyerD: friend, we going out to friend x’s birthday party at 8pm, but afterward i’d like to eat you out**

**Whiskers: okay fine you win**

**Whiskers: when you put it like that, it sounds dumb, but maybe if the moment is right. DestroyerD: If he asked you out now, would you agree?**

Seongwoo takes a moment to think about that.

It’s a terribly horrible thought.

And he has absolutely no idea what would be the answer.

**Whiskers: I don’t know.**

**Whiskers: I’m scared.**

**DestroyerD: Scared? Because he’s a guy?**

**Whiskers: No**

**Whiskers: okay maybe that too**

**Whiskers: but mostly because… I don’t know how to explain this in a way that doesn’t sound like I’m an asshole.**

**DestroyerD: Do take your time**

**Whiskers: lmfao it’s not like that**

**Whiskers: I’m scared if we do start dating or hooking up - nothing would happen from that. We’d just drift apart eventually, the way I did with my past girlfriends, because it’d be awkward to become friends again after our penises touched. Or something. Maybe this feeling lingers just because I can’t have him.**

**Whiskers: And I don’t want to lose him.**

**Whiskers: I want him in my life. I don’t want to mess this up. It’s one of the only things that I did right so far.**

**DestroyerD: I see.**

**Whiskers: Well, what about you?**

**Whiskers: Why didn’t you ask your crush out?**

**DestroyerD: confused straight idiots is a global aesthetic**

**DestroyerD: want to get asked**

**DestroyerD: but don’t know how to answer**

**Whiskers: LMFAO ARE YOU SHADING ME**

**DestroyerD: yes**

**DestroyerD: yes I am**

**Whiskers: LOLLL**

**Whiskers: asshole**

**DestroyerD: idiot**

**DestroyerD: you’re an idiot, whiskers, seriously**

**Whiskers: I wonder,  do you call me that in your head?**

**DestroyerD: well I don’t know your name**

**DestroyerD: so yeah**

**Whiskers: I call you DD**

**Whiskers: like Dee-Dee from Dexter’s Laboratory**

**Whiskers: Did you ever watch that?**

**DestroyerD: okay, seriously, this isn’t funny anymore**

**DestroyerD: the way you think is just ridiculously cute, you know that? I’m just sitting here with a dumb smile on my face, fuck**

**DestroyerD: DeeDee lmfao**

**Whiskers: lmfaooo I couldn’t keep calling you DestroyerD - what does the D stand for? Dick? Really? That’s like PornHub.com user name of a 13 year old. I hope it’s at least as big as you imply, because otherwise I’ll just be disappointed**

**DestroyerD: okay I think we’re done with this conversation**

**DestroyerD: :: image attached ::**

He sent a meme of ‘well that escalated quickly’ and it makes Seongwoo laugh.

**Whiskers: Considering how confident you are, I’d give you around 5 inches**

**DestroyerD: lmfao we were just talking about a cartoon! You gave me a nickname from a cartoon!**

**Whiskers: then it’s 4 inches lol**

**DestroyerD: I did watch Dexter’s Laboratory :(**

**Whiskers: 3 inches?**

Seongwoo snorts when no reply comes.

**Whiskers: 2????!?!?**

**Whiskers: So all this confidence is overcompensating?**

**Whiskers: Wow**

**DestroyerD: :: middle finger emojis::**

**DestroyerD: If you want to know, you can always ask for a pic**

**DestroyerD: I can do one right now** **  
** **DestroyerD: But you’ll have to ask for it politely.**

**DestroyerD: Using ‘please’, and afterwards ‘Thank You’.**

**Whiskers: Yeah, maybe some other time :)**

**DestroyerD: chicken shit**

**Whiskers: lollll**

 

**.**

 

His headache develops into a persistent migraine that he wakes up with every morning.

Monday is okay, but Tuesday - Tuesday morning is _hell_.

Although the headache might be magnified because he’s jittery with nerves.

It’s not even 8am, he’s waiting at the usual corner turn of the main street, it’s freezing, his palms are sweating, and his legs feel weak, so he’s leaning on the wall.

He’s about to meet Daniel, and he has no idea how to act.

He’s not even sure what the hell is he worried about, it’s not like Daniel got a notification on his phone that said ‘your best friend jerked off with some stranger online with the thought of you! Congratulations, bro!’ - so he should just be casual.

Because nothing really happened, except he can’t bring himself to calm down.  

There’s also some guilt in there, somewhere, for doing that, and another part of his brain is screaming at him to just blurt everything out to Daniel the minute he comes within hearing range.

Except none of that really happens.

Daniel bumps into him at the turn, and immediately hugs him.

A long, hands-on, warm  _embrace_.

Which at first is a bit terrifying because - _okay_ , they’re doing that now, but then Seongwoo just _melts_. It’s so easy just to lean into him and wrap his hands around him. Feels like a wrong made right. Like the most natural thing in the world. Even his headache dulls from the high the endorphins bring.

It’s not like they never hug before, either. They hug. Just not upon meeting each other, maybe? More of a _half-hug_ or _arm-slung-on-each-other’s-shoulder_ hugs.

The hug right now is not that at all; it's strong and tight, and makes him feel safe and protected. Seongwoo absolutely loves that. Daniel smells like toothpaste and aftershave. And honey. He always smells a bit like sweet, natural honey. And there’s this trace of a fresh marlboro packet.

He sneaks his hand into his pocket to find it.

“You can’t be trusted, Daniel. I’m confiscating this.”

“I had half a cigarette. Half! I swear!” He laughs and draws back, grinning wide, but not attempting to take it back. Then they walk to class, like nothing happened; Daniel is talking about how League of Legends can’t be fun without Jaehwan screaming profanities into the mic. Seongwoo wonders out loud if pretending to pour alcohol would work next, since clearly diluting it doesn’t.

He almost keeps on waiting for it. A showdown, of some kind - but nothing comes. In fact, he has a great day. It’s not even 6pm when he opens his laptop, and types in an address - the all too familiar nickname is still there, so Seongwoo sends a message first “ **so are you a bot or something? Why are you always here?** ” to which he gets an instant reply: **DestroyerD: wouldn’t be super cool if you were talking with the first AI, and it was korean** **_and_ ** **gay? I mean, imagine /that/.**

When the weekend draws closer, he can proudly say that he got _out.kr_ down to a science.

The app is already sitting on his phone, constantly in the background, just in case his new penpal would like to talk when they’re _not_ talking.

He learns how to mute users and how to block ip addresses of perpetual exhibitistic offenders who really love flaunting their hairy junk. A convenient ‘stay invisible’ option that allows him to ghost his way through the chat, and only be spoken to when he speaks.

There’s sometimes cool chatting sprees, where people share experiences, or funny stories. It’s almost like a reddit, but only for men, some of which aren’t even gay and have no idea what they’re doing on a gay chat. Some users are especially worth following for because they create threads or amazing chatting ideas.

But mostly, he keeps coming back for _DD_. He tries making an effort to talk with other people but it’s quite minimal, and the truth is he’s uninterested in most conversations. It should be a red flag - that he wants to talk solely to him, and the rest of the app is just a perk to come along with it.

Although they flirt some, and talk some - no dicks-out action occurs, even though Seongwoo finds himself anticipating it. It’s exhilarating that he can just get shit off his chest, like that. Ask anything he wants, and get away with it, without changing the person’s opinion of him.

It also fills the void.

Because usually, if he can’t actually be with Daniel, he’s texting Daniel and getting involved in his day. On mondays, since they don’t have any classes together, he’d be glued to his phone - but they don’t text at all on monday (which is perhaps why he was so nervous on Tuesday in the first place). The same thing happens on Tuesday, too, even though they do interact in class.

Even on wednesday they don’t really text; Seongwoo sends a few shots of the homework they are due in on Thursday and they discuss that for a while, but then their kakao chatroom just stays cold and silent.

If an outsider looked at this, he’d think that the situation is deteriorating - except Seongwoo thinks the exact opposite.

The past week, he and Daniel had maybe 2 pregnant pauses in conversation, and literally no awkwardness. Maybe they needed that break - maybe they needed some time away from being inside each other’s butts all day.

And maybe it’s just because he’s talking to DD. That might sound dumb, but during the last few days, talking to a complete stranger had brought a noticeable change. Almost like sharing that chatroom became a healing experience. Like therapy. Perhaps he needed to get shit off his chest way sooner. Or perhaps the reason is completely different - it’s entirely possible that because DD shares so many circumstances with Daniel, that he feels like he knows _Daniel_ better.

Which sounds totally insane - but is actually quite on the nose.

He feels ready to tackle down topics he didn't feel ready before. He knows how to approaches things. He knows when not to back down.

He doesn’t even realize how much that’s true until Thursday happens.

Thursday - he can already feel the cold in his bones. He’s not coughing, yet, but there’s a runny nose, and his headache was translated into a morning fever. It’s nothing a cold caplets can’t solve.

He’s a bit sluggish the entire day, though, disinterested in conversations around him, and daydreaming about dying on his bed.

After lunch, they’re having separate conversations with seperate people; Daniel sitting at the back, on top of the lunch table, his crazily long legs outstretched before him, laughing at something Jihoon is talking about, while patting his pockets. He scratches his thighs and knees with his fingers, and keeps biting onto his lip. It’s obvious that he’s thirsting for a smoke at this point, he was all itching yesterday, too.

Seongwoo rummages around his bag for the packet he confiscated and fishes one out, before handing it over.

It was either this, or he’d buy a new one after classes are over. He knows Daniel's behavior patterns like his five fingers. 

Daniel looks confused for a moment, then looks up to him, with this extremely soft, touched expression, as if he’s about to cry.

“You’re the only thing that makes sense in this entire universe.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Seongwoo sighs; “Well, it was a good effort. You almost made it through a whole week. I’m very proud.”

Jihoon makes a noise from the back of his throat, but Seongwoo gives him a half-glance.

Daniel hooks one of his fingers on the belt loops on Seongwoo’s pants and draws him in, the smile spreading on his lips, more sinister.

Seongwoo swallows the lump in his throat but doesn’t shrinks back - he’s not entirely sure why. If this was a week ago, he would’ve.

But now?

Now, no.

“How did you even know I was thirsting for one?”

“Magic.”

“That’s some hella magic.” He relieves his fingers off the cigarette, by bending his head a little and picking it up with his mouth. “I appoint you as the guardian of the smokes. Since you’re clearly good at this job.” He lights it without even tearing eye contact.

“Pfft, if I was appointed to it, you wouldn’t have that in your mouth.”

“What would I have in my mouth, then?”

“A jelly, Daniel.”

He laughs, and tugs him by the shirt even closer, so he could imitate him with an annoying nasal voice; “ _A jelly, Daniel._ ” because that’s what seven year olds do.

“Ask yourself if you deserve that cigarette.”

“I do.”

“You don’t.”

“I _do_.”

He reaches out, but Daniel holds it out of his reach.

“Hey, no, this thing is burning, you’ll hurt your delicate fingers, hyung.”

When he tries again, he switches it to another hand, literally sniggering.

Seongwoo squints at him.

He tries to squint back, but he’s grinning too wide, and his eyes just disappear.

Seongwoo can’t really reach it anyway, so he just shakes Daniel’s arm until it threatens to fall off or burn out, whichever comes first. Daniel catches his other arm, twists it - a bit painfully, until he’s forced to buckle into his chest. He’d probably put more effort into resisting any other day, but today he’s lethargic at best, and Daniel’s arm is heavy, but not too much, warm and oddly comforting.

“Aw, asshole.” He shoves his elbow into his chest, but although it clearly hurts, he still continues to hold him.

He puts his other hand, the holding a cig, on his forehead. “You’re hot.”

“You only noticed now?”

He laughs; “That too, but I mean - temperature-wise.” He checks his cheek, too. “You okay?”

“Okay enough to kick your butt.” It’s such an empty threat, because he’s not even trying to loosen a grip, just leans his cheek onto Daniel's arm.

“I’m literally holding you in a deadlock.”

“I can shove this elbow even deeper into your vulnerable organs.”

“My organs are manly and tough.”

Seongwoo digs his elbow even deeper into his stomach and he immediately changes his mind and loosens his grip; “Okay - okay - you win—”

Except before he can fully let go, somebody is slurping loudly right beside them, and they both turn toward the source of noise.

Jihoon is finishing his strawberry milkshake, looking somewhere between amused and weary at the same time. When he realizes he got their attention, he lets go of his straw; “No, please - don’t stop on my account.”

Daniel lets him go, and Seongwoo straightens, though unhurriedly.

“I was just wondering what decibel of slurping I’ll have to reach to get noticed. Note to self; pretty loud.” Jihoon adds, taking another slurp of his milkshake, and when Daniel makes a face at him, he holds his hands up; “Slowly walking away now.”

They watch push him way into the crowd of chattering students for a moment, and then Seongwoo hits Daniel’s hand.

Out of surprise the cig drops.

Daniel stares at it, then at him. “You killed it.”

“You killed it. With _ungratefulness_.”

“I can still technically pick it up.”

“You won’t.”

He only kind of gets it when he’s already working on an oil commission in his dorm room, alone. He has no idea what he’s doing, because his head is just _gone_ for the day, but he needs to finish at least a part of it. The color scheme is a bit wanky, and the object he’s painting looks odd, but it’s enough.

And then it just sort of strikes him over the head while he’s holding a brush.

They don’t touch each other like that. It’s so eerie - but they don’t. They only get handsy when they’re drunk or when they don’t notice - but _that_ , that was not usual behavior for them. They don’t _do_ that. They don’t have affectionate skinship moments - that’s just not something they do, and if that was ever to happen, they’d get all uncomfortable on each other, and avoid each other for days.

Now that he actually thinks about it, friends don’t loop their fingers on friends’ pants, what _the fuck_ was up with that?

He groans, drops his brush and just plops onto his bed loudly. His brain feels foggy; like it got turned into a mush, or fumes, or mush that made fumes. He rolls around for a moment, before realizing that it’s probably because he’s having a fever.

He looks toward the small kitchen area near the entrance of the room and groans because that’s where the cold medicine is at.

He’s just too tired to think. Correction - he’s unable to think _straight_ anymore. Even that trail of thought makes him sorta laugh, because he definitly does not think _straight_ anymore.

_What would I have in my mouth, then?_

Jesus, how did he not see the sexual connotation in _that_.

He fishes his phone off the stand.

**Whiskers: give me some tips**

**DestroyerD: tips?**

**Whiskers: yeah seduction tips**

**Whiskers: for bi ppl**

**DestroyerD: Hmm**

**DestroyerD: you can google it, but I think the thing that works best is gurgling your spit really loudly**

**DestroyerD: that really turns us, bisexuals, wild**

Seongwoo laughs, and turns onto his belly.

**Whiskers: shit. That’s it? That’s all I needed to do all along to get his attention?**

**Whiskers: I’ve been asking the wrong question all along.**

**DestroyerD: Oh, I just thought of another thing**

**DestroyerD: because we bisexuals are actually lizard people wearing human suits**

**DestroyerD: A mating call still appeals to us**

**DestroyerD: Or a mating dance**

**DestroyerD: omg yes a mating dance**

**DestroyerD: do a mating dance**

**DestroyerD: it has to be super embarrassing, too**

**Whiskers: I know just the thing, oh my god**

**Whiskers: I’m a pro at popping**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**Whiskers: but seriously tho?**

**DestroyerD: idk, man**

**DestroyerD: there is nothing sexier than you being yourself**

**DestroyerD: and if that doesn’t turn that person on, fuck them**

**Whiskers: Argh :((**

**Whiskers: I feel like dying**

**DestroyerD: Why?**

**DestroyerD: Dying because of a good cause good or dying because of a bad cause?**

Seongwoo was planning to tell him about what happened with Daniel earlier, and that he’s sorta sick, but as he types in the long text, he just feels like he’s done for, and his eyes are just slipping closed.

**DestroyerD: ?**

**Whiskers: sic**

**Whiskers: going to bed**

He’s satisfied with that for now, they can talk later.

He shoves his face into the pillow and just blacks out.

 

.

 

He wakes up briefly during the night a few times, only to take off his clothes and get into the covers, or to turn off the heating, and then to turn it on, and then to actually take his cold medicine because he can’t breathe with the snot clogging his nose.

It’s already pretty light that last time he wakes up, but there’s no sun yet, just dim grey clouds outside his window.

His belly feels like he had something he didn’t agree with; but at least he feels more collected, despite feeling like his body is about to combust. His limbs just feel heavy and weak, like he can’t move them, and opening the refrigerator just gives him the heebie-jeebies, even though technically, he is hungry.

He should be getting ready for morning class, but the possibility of that happening is below zero, at this point.

He dives face first into the bed, for another nap.

When he wakes up next it’s raining and he wants to die. His hair feels greasy, his throat feels itchy and tastes like something died in there, and has been rotting for well over a week.

His phone is buzzing on the stand, but he doesn’t catch the call.

It’s Daniel.

Jisung called him, too, earlier, like around 8am-ish.

Daniel actually called him 4 times.

And sent him like bazillion messages.

**Daniel: dude**

**Daniel: it’s cold where are you?**

**Daniel: ???**

**Daniel: I’m going to class**

**Daniel: If you forgot to wait for me and you’re already in class, you’re dead to me**

**Daniel: you’re not in class :((((**

**Daniel: Seongwoo, answer your phone dammit**

He even got messages on the app.

**DestroyerD: it’s like 7pm lol**

**DestroyerD: Wait, sick?**

**DestroyerD: sic = sick?**

**DestroyerD: ???**

These were from last night. There were one from this morning.

**DestroyerD: hey, man**

**DestroyerD: I’m kinda worried since you stopped replying yesterday, you okay?**

Seongwoo sighs, but then Daniel is calling again, and he answers him with a loud nasal groan.

“Finally. What the hell, Seongwoo.”

“I’m sick.” Seongwoo complains, and then realizes how nasal and hoarse his voice sounds.

“Fucking unbelievable, I thought you died or something.”

He’s outside somewhere, there’s car honking, people talking. And he’s walking. Seongwoo can hear the shuffle of his favourite army boots.

“Hold that thought for, like, an hour. I might be dead by then.” He says, rolling onto his back and groaning in the process. He actually feels sort of okay, for now, but that might be the medicine talking.

Daniel is quiet for a moment, then says; “You sound _bad_. I knew you were hot yesterday.”

“I keep telling you, I was hot for years. How did you notice this only yesterday?”

“Your voice sounds messed up. I’m almost at your dorm.”

“What? Why? Wait, don’t we have class now?”

“Ditching. Stay alive for another 10 mins.”

“Dude, no, don’t come, you’ll get sick, too.”

“Unlike some people, I’m less susceptible to get sick every flu season.”

“I can’t believe you’d say that. After all we’ve been through. Jabbing at my immune system when I’m dying. This is the lowest you can sink, Daniel.”

Daniel chuckles, voice sounding a bit gruff. “I see you didn’t lose your funny bone, yet. You’ll survive. Don’t fall asleep.”

He hangs up.

Seongwoo looks around the room. It looks like a mess; his armchair where he usually stocks clothes ( _that had been worn once or twice but still can be worn again before they go to the laundry , but aren't clean enough for the closet_ ) is at full capacity. His kitchen area looks like it’s seen better days, and he didn’t clean up his aisle and art stuff, so there’s the smell of oil colors in the room. He shoves some clothes haphazardly into the closet, and then closes the door before they fall out, before deciding that was too much work for one day, and crawling back into the covers.

Daniel won’t stay for long anyway, he still has afternoon classes.

Daniel doesn’t even bother knocking, which is annoying, because Seongwoo doesn’t remember ever telling him the code to the lock. What’s more annoying is that Daniel is going to see him with his bed hair all sweaty and greasy, and smell his _sick-people_ smell, and find out that he’s not sexy, and he didn’t think about all that until he's already at the door.

“Where is my favourite patient?” He exclaims and hits the lamp switch.

Seongwoo didn’t even realize it was that dark in the room. He’s noisy; he came with a few plastic bags, and his coat is squeaky from the rain.

“Ugh, not so loud.” He covers his face in the blanket. “Just go away.”

“Did you eat something?”

“No.” His voice is muffled by the blanket but Daniel hears him.

“Did you eat something since _yesterday_?”

“I’m not hungry.”

Daniel pulls the blanket until it comes off of his face; “I bought some chicken soup.” He’s taking off his beanie. He smells like the outside; crisp and fresh air, earthy sort of scent. Seongwoo just wants to burrows into him and go back to sleep.

“Stop acting bratty.” He pokes his forehead. “And sit up already.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

Daniel snorts, and goes back to his plastic bags, rummaging for something.

Seongwoo sits up groggily; “I hate everything right now.”

“First,” Daniel declares, making it quite clear that he’s loud on purpose; “Let’s heat up some food.”

“Can Jisung come and replace you as a babysitter? Not that I actually need one, because _I’m fine_. ”

“Nice to meet you, _fine_ , I’m Daniel.”

Seongwoo leans his head back onto the wall when he snorts, because he can’t keep it up. “Just for the record, I’m laughing because it’s lame, not because it’s funny.”

“Nah, dad jokes never get old. I thought you want a Jisung as a babysitter. And I already got the dad joke part of Jisung’s personality in my pocket. Clearly I’m a _bomb_ babysitter. I have a keen sense for the poor and the needy. I take charity cases upon myself. I mean - I’m friends with Jaehwan.”

“Wow, you’re the mother fucking reincarnation of mother teresa.” Seongwoo laughs.

Daniel is grinning as he takes out cartons from another bag, shoving stuff around and banging pans together as he moves them out of the way or into the cupboards.

It smells good.

His belly burbles unpleasantly, and he rubs it and straightens his back. His interest and focus slightly higher than minutes ago. Maybe he _is_ slightly hungry.

Daniel shoves something into the microwave, then squints at it, willing it to do its magic. Because it’s old and had been there for quite a few tenants, the thing doesn’t even have letters on it any more.

“Green button.” Seongwoo reminds.

“Got it, got it.” He pushes it, then continues to rummage inside one of the plastic bags.

“Secondly, let’s assess the damage so we can continue treatment.” He finally finds what he’s looking for, waving a carton box left and right.

“First lemme have some food. My tummy feels empty and you know that makes me more irritable.”

Daniel grins, mouthing the word ‘tummy’ as if he can’t believe Seongwoo said it, but doesn’t make an effort to even glance at the microwave or reply to him, because he’s texting with somebody.

“ _Dude_.” Seongwoo whines, and it comes out a bit too shrill, and cracks near the end, making Daniel laugh.

“Okay, okay, settle down. Minhyun said that if the temperature is higher than 40°C, I should take you to the emergency room.”

“You just told everybody I’m sick?”

“Minhyun is a med student. He knows stuff. And now I know stuff.”

“Yeah, you can practically be a doctor, by association alone.”

“Doctor Daniel is going to take real good care of you, don’t worry.” He flaunts. “The brattiness is terminal, though. Can’t help with that.”

He comes over, reading the small print of a painkiller package, then offers Seongwoo a thermometer.

Seongwoo isn’t sure why he’s frustrated at this point.

He wants to eat, he wants to nap, he wants to drive Daniel crazy, too.

He opens his mouth readily, and lets him stick it in.

If Daniel was busy with the packaging before, now Seongwoo has his full attention. He can see the exact moment his pupils dilate.

His lips part, but it takes him an actual moment to produce words; “Uh - um—” He looks away, swallowing; “This painkiller should be taken before food.”

“I got cold medicine.” He counters, though he’s not sure if that’s exactly what he says, since there’s something in his mouth.

“Minhyun says this is much better.”

“ _Okay,_  Doctor Minhyun’s-friend.”

The thermometer beeps and Daniel pulls it out, biting his lower lip, _hard_ , when it makes a little _pop_ when it leaves Seongwoo’s mouth.

Daniel stares at the thermometer for such a long moment, that one might think he’s going over a 500 word text.

This is fun.

“38.3°C,” He reads, finally.

“Tell me, Doctor, Am I going to die?” He uses a small voice and leans back a little.

“Can you please let me do my job?” He opens the painkiller package, and takes out the bottle.

“What exactly am I doing?”

“You know what.” He opens the bottle and pops out a pill from the set.

Seongwoo leans a bit closer, and draws out his tongue for it.

Daniel’s nostrils flare, but he’s wearing an odd half-smirk on his face; he places the pill very gently on the tip of his tongue, before reaching out to a cup of water on the stand so he’ll be able to wash it down.

He draws back to the kitchen, shaking his head and mumbling something.

The chicken broth is yummy, a bit salty, but it comes down easily down his throat and makes his entire chest warm. Even his nose doesn’t feel as clogged. Daniel is eating chicken wings, though, and doesn’t let him have any, because he’s sick (he lets him have 3). He actually feels relieved afterwards, but with that comes drowsiness.

They’re talking about an assignment, but that’s literally the last thing he remembers.

When he wakes up he feels much better.

It’s dark and rainy - Friday night.

Usually there’d be a party or a get-together of some kind, like every week, but instead Daniel is asleep on his armchair. His legs are on the bed, underneath Seongwoo's blanket, barely touching his thigh, and his hand is on Seongwoo’s wrist.

He looks so exceptionally uncomfortable. Seongwoo wonders how he even managed to fall asleep in that position. He also wonders if it’s even possible to like somebody the way he likes Daniel. In the most excruciating, bittersweet way possible. He wants to do everything with him, and it makes him deliriously happy that Daniel would rather stay with him, risking getting sick, than to attend a party.

He sighs and picks up his hand into his and presses the back of it to his cheek. It’s unbelieving cold on his skin. Daniel stirs, and rubs his eyes.

He stretches a little, then squeezes back his hand. “Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Bratty. But better.”

He snorts. “You’re still a bit hot.”

“Why are you still surprised by this?”

“Yeah, that joke stopped being funny yesterday.” He stretches then crawls into bed.

“You’re going to get sick, too.”

“I already had the flu, this year. I didn’t act like a bratty baby and came to classes.”

“You’ll see, it’ll mutate on me. My germs are hardcore.” He sniffs, but doesn’t push him away.  

He scoots closer to the wall, and Daniel fits himself right beside him, just on top of the blanket.

“Oh no, not Ong Seongwoo’s mutated germs!” He laughs into his ear.

It’s odd - because the same thing literally happened two weeks ago, just without Seongwoo being sick, and Seongwoo woke up all tense and hoped the ground would swallow him.

“Why am I the little spoon?” He asks.

Daniel bursts out laughing, and Seongwoo can’t tell if it’s out of embarrassment, or because he didn’t notice they’re spooning. “I want to be the big spoon.”

“Fine.” He says, still slightly mid-laugh, and turns away from the wall.

Seongwoo turns to him and rubs his face onto his back. One of his hands sneaking beneath Daniel’s arm so could hug him.

“You’re so warm.” He says into his shirt.

“Why do I have to be the little spoon?” Daniel asks, all of the sudden.

“Because I’m older. Sorry. I don’t make the rules. Unless I want to be the little spoon, in which case, I do make the rules, but I’m still older. Also I’m sick. I’m very very sick.”

“Don’t you think it’s odd you play the seniority card only when it’s convenient to you.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get the memo, but that’s why the seniority card _exists_ . God, my feet are just freezing.   _what the fuck._ ” He rubs his feet on the mattress to generate heat from friction, but it’s short lived.

Daniel is just about to fall asleep, when Seongwoo tries to take off his socks.

He can tell that Daniel is smiling, even though he’s not saying anything. That’s until he realizes what he’s trying to do - he uses his toes and then his heel to get the socks off - and Daniel’s feet feel amazing. Soft, a bit dry, but so so warm.

“ _Dude_.” He bristles, half laughing. “You’re ridiculous. How is your face so hot and your legs so cold?”

Daniel sandwiches one of Seongwoo’s feet between his, and Seongwoo sighs against him and buries his nose into his hair.  

“Magic.” Seongwoo replies.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord, did I struggle with this chapter.  
> And I'm still not satisfied. I don't know why this particular part was so hard to write - but it just was. Maybe because not much was happening.  
> Anyway, yay an update! *hides*


	3. Cosmo Tip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** THIS STORY IS MARKED EXPLICIT FOR A REASON. THIS CHAPTER IS ONE OF THE REASONS.

It’s a big step forward.

It’s so big, that it’s suddenly uncharted territory, and Seongwoo is sort of paving his way, and exploring new boundaries.

Daniel stays with him for the entire weekend, sleeps in his bed, wears his biggest sweatshirt because he doesn’t feel like heading home for a change of clothes, eats his food, argues with him which marvel hero is the correct marvel hero, falls asleep while watching a marvel hero movie to prove a point, and cleans his dirty, snot-filled tissues when his surroundings become scattered in it and doesn’t let him breathe. They study for a project in Art History, and nap like maybe 3 times.

Jisung comes by to pass a judgment and nurse him for an hour or so, arguing with Daniel about his methods of nursing. (“No, Daniel, sitting with him on the same bed isn’t going to make him feel better, he doesn’t need human touch to heal. I’m honestly surprised I have to spell this out to you. I knew you’re going to be shit at this. I literally sent a text to Minhyun that said; ‘Daniel is going to do a shit job, we might as well say goodbye to Seongwoo now’ like hours ago.”) but the best thing about it all is that Jisung brings his rubber hot water bag, which Seongwoo promptly fills with sizzling hot water and presses to every single part of his body, including his face, while they argue.

Sunday afternoon, Seongwoo keeps glancing at the sun, praying to any god out there to let it sink - just this once - a bit slower than usual.

It feels like once he’ll leave, the magic of the weekend will expire, and their time together will forever stay nothing but a memory, and he hates that. Daniel starts leaving at 7pm, but only actually comes out of the door at midnight, and even then Seongwoo stands at the door for like half an hour, saying goodbye like 12 times, until he starts sneezing from the draft, and Daniel pushes him in and closes the door.

It’s _that_ absurd.

Seongwoo roams around the room, feeling exceptionally naked and vulnerable for another 15 minutes, until he finally decides to just go to bed. The sheets somehow still smell of Daniel’s deodorant, and he want to be buried in them.

Now that the sickness is gone, Seongwoo is left with leftover fatigue and weakness, and needs to suck on cough pops to ease out the scratchy dry throat. Thank god Daniel bought him the one for kids that tastes like strawberries.

He sits there in class, rolling the thing with his tongue from side to side, and annoying the people around him by the clinking it makes when it meets his teeth, and tries to get a hold of this thing in a way that his small head can contain it.

Daniel _likes_ him.

Daniel likes- _likes_ him.

At least, he’s clearly somewhat attracted to him.

It gives him a vague sort of hope that makes him feel his heart beating relentlessly against his ribcage like he just ran a marathon, and along with it he’s terrified to the point where he feels like peeing every ten minutes.

Before his butt even fully touched the bed in his dorm, he’s already opening _out.kr_ because he feels like he’s losing it.

**Whiskers: so hypothetically**

**DestroyerD: good afternoon to you too lol**

**DestroyerD: glad to see you’re not dead yet**

**Whiskers: oh yeah sorry about that**

**Whiskers: I was sick on the weekend**

**Whiskers: but it was the *bestest* weekend of my entire life**

**DestroyerD: huh**

**Whiskers: i need you to focus really hard at the problem at hand**

**DestroyerD: lol okay**

**Whiskers: so hypothetically**

**DestroyerD: hypothetically, okay**

**Whiskers: if I had like**

**Whiskers: A suspicion**

**DestroyerD: A hypothetical suspicion**

**Whiskers: Yes! A hypothetical suspicion!**

**Whiskers: That my crush might like me back**

**Whiskers: How would I be expected to act?**

**DestroyerD: You didn’t have this hypothetical suspicion beforehand?**

**Whiskers: No**

**Whiskers: Maybe like a little**

**Whiskers: But I wasn’t sure**

**Whiskers: I didn’t think he’d be interested in me**

**Whiskers: But now I kind of think he is???**

**Whiskers: And seeing things that aren’t there**

**DestroyerD: Okay**

**Whiskers: Okay?**

**DestroyerD: How did you figured out that he likes you all of the sudden?**

**DestroyerD: I mean, what changed from before?**

**Whiskers: Idk?**

**Whiskers: I feel like I’m deluding myself at this point, to be frank**

**DestroyerD: ???**

Seongwoo drops on the bed, face first into his pillow.

**Whiskers: Do I sound nuts?**

**DestroyerD: Yes!**

**Whiskers: I don’t know.**

**Whiskers: But I do feel like - something changed.**

**Whiskers: From before**

**Whiskers: My knees just feel so weak when I think about him**

**Whiskers: I’m beyond terrified.**

**Whiskers: Because I know I’m going to fuck this up somehow**

**Whiskers: God**

**Whiskers: My sheets still smell like him**

**Whiskers: I’m never changing them**

**Whiskers: ARGNS**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**Whiskers: fuck**

**Whiskers: What do I do?**

**DestroyerD: First, stop freaking out**

**DestroyerD: Nothing happened yet**

**DestroyerD: Since this is all a very hypothetical realization**

Seongwoo takes a large inhale, closes his eyes, and yeah, okay - he’s right. He needs to stop freaking out. There’s no point in it, either way, especially considering everything might be in his head. He turns to his back.

**Whiskers: Okay**

**Whiskers: Okay**

**Whiskers: Okay**

**Whiskers: I’m done freaking out.**

**Whiskers: Unless you want me to actually google stuff**

**Whiskers: Give me some tips**

**DestroyerD: Not with the tips, again**

**Whiskers: Fine, I’m googling it**

**DestroyerD: pls don’t lmfao**

**Whiskers: this cosmopolitan site seems legit**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #345 - wear your hair down, men like it when you’re free and wild**

**Whiskers: I guess I could use less hair gel**

**Whiskers: I have like a leopard print shirt somewhere, that should also take care of the wild part**

**DestroyerD: wear it with your hot pink pants**

**Whiskers: you’re joking, but I actually happen to own a pair somewhere**

**DestroyerD: lmfao now I’m curious what else does cosmo offer**

**Whiskers: remain discreet and mysterious, says cosmo tip #451890**

**Whiskers: yeah that’s not going to work with us lmfao**

**Whiskers: We once drank too much and had a competition on who can fart the longest melody, and I won. I think the mystery was gone after that.**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**Whiskers: I farted to twinkle twinkle little star, by the way, in case you were wondering. I think I broke a guinness record. I got all the way to the end of the second verse. It’s one of my proudest moments. He failed miserably with itsy bitsy spider - couldn’t get past the “down came the rain part” and I gave him like 3 shots**

**DestroyerD: idk man, itsy bitsy spider sounds like a hard tune to fart to**

**Whiskers: That’s exactly what he said! Lmfao**

**DestroyerD: twinkle twinkle little star is an easy lightweight fart song**

**Whiskers: we can’t be penpals anymore if you keep doubting my abilities like this**

**DestroyerD: what else you got there in your cosmo tips?**

**Whiskers: okay next tip says “join them in the shower, wearing a white tee and nothing else. You get the picture.” huh? I get the picture??? My shirt will get wet???**

**DestroyerD: I’m crying lmao**

**Whiskers: the next one says I should take him lingerie shopping with me**

**Whiskers: Is there such a thing as men’s lingerie?**

**Whiskers: don’t google it!!! Don’t google it!!!!**

**Whiskers: I’m deleting my browser history fuck**

**DestroyerD: STOP MY CHEEKS HURT FROM SMILING**

**Whiskers: You’re so unhelpful**

**Whiskers: My romance is clearly a joke to you**

**Whiskers: I came here to get advice and this is what I get**

**DestroyerD: drama queen**

**DestroyerD: Also, maybe you should like**

**DestroyerD: see the men’s lingerie images**

**DestroyerD: Okay, no, I just googled it, and no**

**DestroyerD: Maybe the elephant one tho that’d be hilarious**

**Whiskers: Yeah that one is acceptable for the funsies lol**

**DestroyerD: My point is like**

**DestroyerD: get familiar with dicks**

**Whiskers: I hate being the bearer of the bad news but**

**Whiskers: I also happen to have one**

**Whiskers: quite familiar with it, too**

**DestroyerD: lol I meant like ones that aren’t yours**

**Whiskers: lol I’ve watched some porn**

**DestroyerD: Yeah, but it’s not going to be like in porn**

**DestroyerD: I mean, in porn - they just sort of get into it**

**DestroyerD: If you just sort of get into it without advanced prep, it will be a bloodbath - and I mean an actual blood bath coz somebody’s butthole will be bleeding - and will probably end in a long trip in the emergency room**

**Whiskers: wow**

**Whiskers: gay sex sounds even sexier now**

**DestroyerD: It’s a tip! You wanted tips!**

**Whiskers: The person I’m with - My crush… He’s probably the one person in the entire world, who I trust not to hurt me.**

**Whiskers: I told you, didn’t I? How gentle he is with me. And he even stayed with me when I was sick this weekend. Fuckkk, I like him so much :(((**

**Whiskers: Also I feel like once you’re in an actual relationship… you just sorta let things flow. I’m pretty sure nobody is going to force their way into my asshole without any lube.**

**Whiskers: Unless I’m into that kind of thing**

**Whiskers: I’m new to all of this**

**Whiskers: and I’d sort of like to explore what’d I like**

**Whiskers: With my boyfriend**

**Whiskers: *future boyfriend**

**Whiskers: **or not**

**DestroyerD: well**

**DestroyerD: okay**

**DestroyerD: yeah**

**DestroyerD: when you put it like that**

**DestroyerD: I’m just a bit worried**

**DestroyerD: because you’re straight**

**Whiskers: That’s the thing, *I’m* not worried at all**

**Whiskers: Just because I never actually touched another dick doesn’t mean I don’t like it?**

**Whiskers: I’m actually really open-minded and super chill**

**DestroyerD: yes, so like your weird nervous breakdown from earlier was a part of the ‘super chill’ you?**

**Whiskers: I have no recollection of that**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**DestroyerD: How convenient**

**Whiskers: ::smiling emoji::**

**DestroyerD: A lot of curious straighties want to explore, but back away last minute, when they understand it’s not a game**

**DestroyerD: I guess what I’m trying to say is that… even if you back away, I’m sure you’d be able to return to good terms with him, because you’re first and foremost friends**

**DestroyerD: Just don’t end up hurting him in the process.**

**Whiskers: Curious straighty!**

**DestroyerD: Is that all you took from everything I just said?**

**Whiskers: I’m gonna get this tattooed on my butt cheeks**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**Whiskers: But on a more serious note**

**Whiskers: The whole reason why we’re chatting right now is**

**Whiskers: Because I’m terrified of hurting him**

**Whiskers: Getting hurt myself**

**Whiskers: losing each other, drifting apart**

**Whiskers: I’d never ever ever ever**

**Whiskers: EVER**

**Whiskers: Try to hurt him.**

**Whiskers: That’s why I’m just trying… to figure out what I want. What I like. And what he likes. And if there’s a middle ground somewhere between all of those.**

**Whiskers: And if I decide I’m all in - I’m all in. I’m not going to back away.**

**DestroyerD: Okay.**

**DestroyerD: I understand. That’s good.**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip and decides that he might want to get out of his jeans or something, now that he’s home. It’s a bit overwhelming that talking with DD has this effect on him. He manages to lose track of time and get lost in the conversation.

Usually only Daniel has this effect on him.

 

.

 

He’s still a bit nasal on Tuesday, but mostly he stops taking the toilet paper with him everywhere, and his nose finally stops looking like the cheap clown, foam noses they sell everywhere during the holiday seasons.

He struggles with his commissions, mostly, since he lost a precious weekend.

He still has the crafts project next week, which he keeps pushing until the last minute. He doesn’t even have a vague sense of what he wants to sculpt, and just ‘getting in there’ (like Daniel puts it) doesn’t really work.

He keeps on thinking that he’ll sleep over it, but it’s been days since he went to sleep in a sane hour.

He knows he should probably stop, and get his precious beauty sleep back - but he can’t stop chatting. He wants DD’s opinion on every touch, every smile and everything Daniel does. It’s almost like an addiction. Sometimes he worries he’s saying too much or revealing too much, but the greed of having a second opinion takes over him before he can help it.

On top of it - it’s so rare to have an equally witty, equally goofy person who gets your humour, and doesn’t want to hook up.

He makes himself some food as he finishes his last commission on Thursday. Daniel should be still in his design class. He opens his laptop, to play a game but ends up googling things he probably shouldn’t google in his free time.

**Whiskers: Oh hey**

**Whiskers: Here’s food for thought**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #9821 says**

**DestroyerD: IS THERE AN END TO THOSE TIPS**

**DestroyerD: You’ve been sending them for days, and the numbers are just randomized**

**DestroyerD: There’s no order or logic to them, it’s like the works of the devil**

**Whiskers: “Sexting - a sure way to get into a man’s pants, is to send a sexy text or a dirty photo.”**

**Whiskers: It didn’t specify who to sext! I got one thing right!**

**Whiskers: I totally win at this seduction thing**

**DestroyerD: Lol do you mean me?**

**DestroyerD: We did it, like, once**

**DestroyerD: Weeks ago**

**DestroyerD: And I was sorta drunk that night**

**Whiskers: Yeah, I was kind of tipsy myself**

**DestroyerD: That doesn’t count**

**Whiskers: Yes, it does.**

**DestroyerD: It doesn’t**

**Whiskers: It does**

**DestroyerD: For it to count you have to do the other part**

**Whiskers: What other part**

**DestroyerD: the dirty photo part**

**Whiskers: Oh that part**

**Whiskers: Maybe some other time :)**

**DestroyerD: chicken shit strikes again!**

**Whiskers: ::middle finger emoji::**

**Whiskers: Don’t take it personally but you can keep your 2 inch dick to yourself**

**DestroyerD: Ouch**

**DestroyerD: That really hurt, man**

**DestroyerD: What makes you think your crush has a bigger dick**

**Whiskers: ughhh my eyes?? I have this strange gift called the ‘sight’ which I use see things.**

**DestroyerD: *things***

**DestroyerD: aka his bulge?**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #234**

**DestroyerD: wait wait wait wait wait**

**Whiskers: “Play hard to get.”**

**DestroyerD: CAN YOU JUST**

**Whiskers: I can do that**

**Whiskers: I can be as cool as a cucumber**

**DestroyerD: Did you observed his crotch or what**

**DestroyerD: Where is this coming from**

**DestroyerD: I need to know.**

**Whiskers: As if you don’t do it???**

**DestroyerD: I do**

**DestroyerD: I watch his ass if the position is right, I don’t even hide it**

**DestroyerD: One of my friend always hits me up the head when I do it lol**

**Whiskers: Then???**

**DestroyerD: Then???**

**Whiskers: Fine**

**Whiskers: I watched him change multiple times - just like down to his boxers**

**Whiskers: He has like**

**Whiskers: tight black CK boxers with a white waistband**

**Whiskers: He’s thickkk af**

**DestroyerD: fuck**

**DestroyerD: Did it turn you on?**

**Whiskers: Pfft I totally shrugged it off, I always turned away in a nick of time and acted like I was doing some other stuff, I was cool as a cucumber**

**Whiskers: If a cucumber was like… rotting in the sun for over a year, that sort of cucumber**

**Whiskers: lmfao during the weekend when he was staying over**

**Whiskers: damn I was delirious as fuck lol**

**Whiskers: after he changed his clothes and we went to sleep - honestly found myself thinking if it’ll be able to fit it into my mouth while he’s sleeping right next to me lollll**

**Whiskers: One way ticket to hell, right there**

**DestroyerD: fuck everything right now**

**Whiskers: Does that turn /you/ on? lmfao**

**DestroyerD: Yeah lol**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #99991**

**DestroyerD: I hate you so much right now, I’m in class, I’m already disrupting because I’m giggling at the back**

**Whiskers: lollll /giggling/ you’re killing the mood**

**DestroyerD: Fuckkk, I swear to god**

**Whiskers: send nudes plz, classroom edition**

**Whiskers: Extra cookie points if it’s like out in the open**

**Whiskers: ::laughing emojis::**

**DestroyerD: Well, since you asked nicely**

**Whiskers: WAIT NO**

**Whiskers: IT WAS A JOKE**

**Whiskers: YOU’LL GET EXPELLED**

**Whiskers: INDECENT BEHAVIOR IN OUR UNIVERSITY**

**Whiskers: I’LL REPORT YOU.**

He sits up on his bed, almost tensely so, holding onto the phone, waiting. Because although he said no, he is kind of curious to see the destroyer dick’s _dick_. And if it’s truly from the destroying kind. Probably not.

Except, when the photo is finally sent, it’s of a cat that had a buzzcut. It looks like a really angry lion.

**Whiskers: Disappointed, but not surprised.**

**DestroyerD: LMFAO**

**DestroyerD: Weren’t you just screaming you don’t want it**

**Whiskers: I changed my mind.**

**DestroyerD: You’re the most indecisive person I have ever met in my entire life, and I’ve like… met /people/.**

**Whiskers: I just changed my mind again.**

**Whiskers: I don’t want it**

**Whiskers: Keep your 2 inches of pride to yourself**

**Whiskers: whatever**

**DestroyerD: LOL**

**DestroyerD: Is that really okay with you?**

**DestroyerD: Aren’t you eaten by curiosity to see if my dick is really that small?**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #4344 says “Prepare yourself to be disappointed by size.”**

**DestroyerD: Are you trying to bait me into sending it, so I could prove you otherwise?**

Seongwoo isn’t sure if he’s excited, curious or embarrassed, or all of them at once.

He falls back onto the mattress and rolls from side to side for a moment, before finally deciding to act like a civil adult.

**Whiskers: Nah, it’s fine**

**Whiskers: I can google “2 inch dick”, I’m sure there’s plenty of footage on the internetz**

**Whiskers: Oh, hey, I did it just now, and it’s smaller than I imagined**

**Whiskers: somehow 2 inches seemed bigger in my head**

**Whiskers: my consolations, man**

**Whiskers: but you know, it’s not the size that matters, it’s how you use it.**

Civil adult, right there. Totally.

**DestroyerD: I swear to god**

**DestroyerD: The Professor just told me to cool off outside and come back when I decide to pay him more attention than my phone.**

**Whiskers: Was your dick out, tho? Asking the real questions, here**

**DestroyerD: jesus**

**Whiskers: OR he didn’t notice it coz it was tiny??? LOLLLL**

DD sends a meme of ‘Why you’re so obsessed with me?’, except the _me_ is crossed out, and he scribbled down ‘my dick’ in a red line.

Seongwoo thinks it’s hilarious.

**Whiskers: I’m sorry I got you kicked out, tho**

**Whiskers: You shouldn’t text at class.**

**Whiskers: Bad boy, DD. You can do better than that.**

**Whiskers: ???**

**Whiskers: Are you mad? Where did you go?**

**DestroyerD: Still here.**

**DestroyerD: Wah, you’re really showing your true colors**

**Whiskers: Didn’t know I was hiding /my colors/ before. What is it that's getting revealed?**

**DestroyerD: That you’re a bit mischievous...  and more playful. Lol I thought you’d be more clueless and virginal about stuff like that**

**Whiskers: I can be virginal!**

**Whiskers: Lemme get into character *clears throat***

**DestroyerD: lmfaoooo stop pls I’m already laughing**

**Whiskers: Hyung, *anime aegyo noises* please treat me gently with your willy**

**Whiskers: Am I going to get pregnant?**

**Whiskers: How is your two inch willy going to fit into my belly button? My belly button is so smoll.**

**DestroyerD: NOPE**

**DestroyerD: NO**

**DestroyerD: This conversation is officially over.**

**DestroyerD: Bye**

**Whiskers: lollllllllllllll**

**Whiskers: Chicken shit! You can’t handle me at my virginal state!**

**DestroyerD: I’m sitting in a toilet booth, laughing, with a painful erection.**

**DestroyerD: My life is a spiralling out of control.**

**Whiskers: before you’re going to have an existential crisis**

**DestroyerD: LMFAO**

**Whiskers: Are you going to send me your dick pic, yes or no?**

**Whiskers: I need an answer, I haven’t got all day**

**Whiskers: I don’t want it, but you keep threatening to send it, so just send it already**

**DestroyerD: I never threatened to send anything! ::laughing emoji::**

**Whiskers: Oh, now you’re acting innocent?**

**Whiskers: Unbelievable, your *true colors* are showing**

**DestroyerD: Just admit that you want to see it.**

**Whiskers: I said I don’t multiple times**

Seongwoo finds a meme of a cat staring at the camera, looking as if he’s waiting patiently for something to occur, and sends it to the chat.

**DestroyerD: That’s literally what you are**

**DestroyerD: Fine**

**Whiskers: Fine?**

**DestroyerD: Yeah, fine**

**Whiskers: What does that mean?**

**Whiskers: Wait should I do a countdown for the dick pic?**

**Whiskers: Wait, I’m not ready**

**Whiskers: puts-on-glasses-to-see-better.jpg**

**Whiskers: What’s taking so long?**

When the image loads - it’s nothing like he imagined.

At all.

And at the same time - it’s everything he ever wanted the picture to be.

There’s no face - of course, there isn’t - just a pair of teeth is visible, because he’s biting onto the edges of his shirt, keeping it up, exposing his ripped, perfect abs. He’s fit, but not from the hulking kind that spends most of his free time in the gym. And below that, what definitely isn’t a 2 inch dick.

It’s not fully erect, but it’s _big_.

It’s not even about how big it is; the shape of it, and the color - how it’s detailed with veins, fuck.

He can hear ringing in his ears, and his heart in his throat. His mouth is both dry and wet, and by the time he actually remembers how to swallow, he has to gulp down a large pool of drool.

_Fuck._

He can almost hear it - he can almost hear somebody _screaming_ at him from behind that _it’s Daniel_.  

It looks just like him, god, it looks just like his build, it looks just like his abs, it looks just like the simple white cotton shirt he was wearing underneath the army jacket today, and the bathroom - the bathroom is definitely their university bathroom, it even vaguely resembles their faculty, although he can’t really see anything beside a faucet and a mirror, and the corner of a booth.  

Fuck.

He puts his hand on his mouth, and lets out a muffled shout, and rolls onto his back. It takes him a moment or two of staring at the blank white ceiling (and screaming into his hand), before he actually raises back the phone and checks the pic again.

Nope, still looks like Daniel.

God, it looks like Daniel’s _cock_.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

He takes a long inhale.

He took his time answering, and now it just looks rude.

**Whiskers: That’s definitely not two inches**

**DestroyerD: Curiosity killed the cat**

**DestroyerD: lol**

**Whiskers: Satisfaction brought him back**

**Whiskers: It’s a really… nice dick.**

**DestroyerD: Nice?**

**Whiskers: It really puts the capital D in the Destroyer**

**DestroyerD: lmfao**

**Whiskers: You’ve proved worthy of your nickname, bear it with pride, Sir DD.**

**DestroyerD: But does it turn you on?**

**Whiskers: Cosmo tip #98788**

**DestroyerD: That’s a yes, then**

**Whiskers: That’s not a yes.**

**Whiskers: If I’d say no, you’d be insulted.**

**DestroyerD: I won’t be insulted lol**

**DestroyerD: Well aware of your straighty status**

**DestroyerD: Be honest.**

**Whiskers: Oh hey, you get bonus points because it’s out in the open**

**Whiskers: Weren’t you scared somebody might come in**

**DestroyerD: Unbelievable**

**DestroyerD: Fine, be like that.**

Seongwoo rubs his face in frustration, and scrolls back to the dick pic, and nibbles at his lip painfully.

It can’t be him, anyway.

It _can’t_  - he’s like a math or biology or some scientific major, he talked about a couple of courses he took; calculus, chemistry, all that. Asking about his major would be privacy invasion, which they’ve so carefully avoided to talk about until now.

He needs to disassociate.

Except it become starkly obvious that he’s been doing the exact opposite for a long while now. He’s talking to him, in a way he’d talk to Daniel.

He’s letting him hog a large portion of his time, in a way he’d only let Daniel.

And when he thinks about it - really thinks about it - he had never associated a body or a face with DD. He had been an abstract form in the back of his head; somebody who colored his hair, somebody who had an earring, somebody who liked to wear caps.

Somebody who was a different Daniel than his own. It’s been _a_ Daniel - but one from another dimension, in his head. And he’s not even sure if this is worse or better - because his body type is just like Daniel’s, too. So very much like Daniel’s. Almost to a fault.

But it’s not him.  If it was, he would’ve already noticed that the events in Seongwoo’s life aligned to his. He would’ve already said something.

He would’ve.

Right.

Right?

Fuck.

**Whiskers: Fine, fuck - you’re hot**

**Whiskers: It’s even sexier, because you’re… just so /right/.**

**Whiskers: Fuck**

**Whiskers: God**

**Whiskers: Your body’s really… it’s hard not to imagine my crush.**

**Whiskers: And that makes me even more hot and bothered.**

**Whiskers: But it also feels sort of…**

Wrong? Immoral? Inappropriate?

**DestroyerD: That’s perfectly fine with me.**

**DestroyerD: I don’t mind if you do that lol**

**Whiskers: Okay**

Is it really?

It really isn’t fair for Daniel, either.

**Whiskers: But like - seriously lol - you have a crazy nice dick.**

**DestroyerD: Cosmo tip #2 - please never use ‘nice’ to describe a dick.**

**Whiskers: Well, it looks… very… welcoming.**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emojis::**

**DestroyerD: You struggle so much.**

**DestroyerD: It’s endearing.**

Seongwoo can’t help but go the extra mile and download the picture to his phone, and pop it into an editing app; he crops it, paints a shy smile at the head of the dick, a pink blush, and a set of eyes with eyelashes, before sending it back.

**Whiskers: See??? It looks friendly.**

**DestroyerD: Did you just paint a face on my dick?**

**Whiskers: Yes.**

**Whiskers: Oh, hey, I could dress it up, too**

**Whiskers: idk if it’s the face I painted on, but it looks cold.**

**Whiskers: omg imagine if you really dressed it up**

**Whiskers: I guess I could make it a small cowboy hat.**

**Whiskers: I COULD MAKE IT A SWEATER**

**Whiskers: I have a fabric class on thursdays, I can totally do it. It’ll be the best dick sweater, ever. I can give it a cool design, too. Black and red. I’mma even put a ‘Supreme’ logo.**

**DestroyerD: LMFAO I’M DONE WITH YOU**

**DestroyerD: I’m crying and laughing at the same time**

**DestroyerD: Please stop being excited about it**

**DestroyerD: This is the oddest reaction to a dick pic I have ever seen.**

**Whiskers: stop judging me, this is my first dick pic.**

**Whiskers: well, the first dick pic that matters**

**Whiskers: I’m shocked that you’re *not* excited about this.**

**Whiskers: It could be a start-up idea.**

**Whiskers: Feeling the cold winter chills down in your pants?**

**DestroyerD: I’m just**

**Whiskers: Dick warmers!**

**DestroyerD:  LMFAO STOP**

**Whiskers: Cock Sweaters…?**

**Whiskers: Dong Pockets…?**

**Whiskers: Pecker Pullovers!**

**DestroyerD: Tool Wool**

**Whiskers: You’re have a big dick /and/ you’re a goddamn genius**

**Whiskers: Your mama must be so proud**

**DestroyerD: I regret every decision that led me to this point in life**

 

.

 

On wednesday DD is coaxing him to send his own dick pic, using Seongwoo’s own trademarked _cheap provocation methods_ that don’t really work on Seongwoo, but he indulges him with the idea that they might.

He actually feels in a disadvantage - because no matter how much pride he takes in his own size - it might pale in comparison.

It’s definitely not that thick.

And in all honesty, he never even sent his dick pics to his past girlfriend. He found that distasteful - and last thing he needs is his schlong ending up in Daniel’s feed somehow.

At some point, Seongwoo sends ‘I’ll think about it, if you send another dick pic’, thinking he won’t go through with it again, not after Seongwoo killed the mood last time with making jokes about it, and painting a face on it.

Except, he does.

And it’s the cutest thing.

This one is taken from above, and not in a mirror, you can see his ripped jeans and a bit of a floor, but it all pales in comparison - DD cut out a small piece a paper and drew a sad face on it (along with a small bubble that says ‘pls’), and held it near the head of his dick.

Seongwoo is touched as fuck. He wants to put it as his phone wallpaper. He legit wants to send it to people to gloat about it, that’s how much he loves it.

After that it becomes a challenge of how ‘creative’ DD is going to get with his dick pics - some of them aren’t really original, but instead are just darn sexy. But some are hilarious and actually pretty witty.

Seongwoo is just heading home on friday, discussing a pic DD took with the sun right behind it, creating a sort of halo, when his classmate comes up to him and starts talking about some projects.

Seongwoo’s attention is strained - because he’d rather talk about dicks, what a plot twist - but then she mentions the sculpture for crafts. Saying how she used a metallic wire, and she finished it just on the nick of time before weekend. Because the deadline is on monday.

Seongwoo is calling Daniel before he even says ‘bye’ to her.

“Daniel,” He stretches the ‘el’ - even though they’ve seen each other like an hour ago.

“Seongwoo.” He answers, stretching the ‘woo’.

“Dude, remember that sculpting thing?”

“Yeah.” There’s some shuffling, and he’s clearly back in bed, because his class got canceled. “Ugh, you forgot about the sculpting thing, didn’t you?”

“Do you have like some sculpture you can lend me?”

“Just get some clay and sculpt a thing.”

“Where am I going to get clay? I should’ve attended class yesterday but I was sleepy and woke up late. Now the workshop is probably already closed for the weekend.”

He mutters something along the lines of “Unbelievable,” on the line, so Seongwoo decides to cut to the chase.

“And you have like a gazillion sculptures in your dorm.”

He snorts. “I knew it. This is what happens when I enable your sorry ass. You steal my cigs, you steal the credit for my work, and you steal— away. Other stuff.”

“Are you grumpy because I woke you up from your nap?”

“I wasn’t sleeping anyway. I was doing things.”

He laughs; “What things?”

“Things.” He sighs. “I got some extra clay in the storage room.”

“You’re a life savior.”

“Nah, I’m not doing shit. Come over tomorrow, and do something yourself. I have tools.”

“I’ll make a sculpture to commemorate your cigarette addiction.”

He hums, and it comes out a bit deeper on the phone; “Don’t get too ambitious. Otherwise you’ll end up with another vagina with teeth sculpture.”

“It was the goddamn Kraken, how many times do I have to explain it?”

“I can’t forget how creeped out Daehwi was by it when he first saw it, oh man.” He starts laughing, because he enjoys Seongwoo’s pain - the worst part about it that their professor on that course was a young female, and she gave him an F. He didn’t mean for it to look like any sort of female part, evil or not, but it was the joke of the entire class for his entire freshmen year.

“Jaehwan still shows it to people when he tells ghost stories at parties.”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Hang up, then. I’ll be awake at around 10am.”

Seongwoo snorts; “On a saturday? I doubt it. But I’ll let myself in.”

“You do that.”

“I will.”

“It’s a date, then.”

“So it is.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“ _Fine_.”

Seongwoo chews on his lip so much it feels abused by the time he’s home.

Thank god, he has DD to preoccupy him with dick pics, otherwise the looming alone-time with Daniel would’ve turned him into a mess before he even went to sleep.

 

.

 

When he opens the door, Daniel is fanning the smoke out of the window, hurriedly.

His dorms are bigger than Seongwoo’s, but further away from the university. He has a couch and a tv, and even a storage unit downstairs, but he has to share his bathroom with the next door neighbor - which isn’t all that bad, because this year he got Guanlin as his neighbor (and Jihoon, by association, because he’s always at Guanlin’s place - and Woojin by association of association, because he always hangs out with Jihoon, therefore always hangs out with Guanlin, too. It’s actually like a goddamn commune, because Sungwoon lives across the hall, too, and as the senior in charge of the floor, he’d always come in and bark some empty orders about the laundry duty or ask who used his snail cream when he specifically said they can’t).

Seongwoo would always feel a bit out of place in Daniel’s dorm, especially if they’re alone. As if he’s not supposed to be there. But at the same time, it's one of his favorite places, because all the Daniel _stuff_ are right there, in one place. His cactuses, his bed that’s overfilled with plushies and pillows, his collection of cat mugs, his photo wall (which Seongwoo has the honors of dominating), and his workspace with the sculptures and the designing projects, and quirky forms from magazines and books that serve as inspiration.

It always just smells distinctively of something sweet, clay, and Daniel’s deodorant - a fresh smell, somehow always reminding him of the countryside, or of forest soil. Seongwoo wants to wash himself with this scent.

Now it just smells like marlboros.

“Morning, asshole.”

“Morning.” Some smoke comes out of his mouth, because he was keeping it in. His hair is a mess, and he’s wearing an worn grey tee and black sweatpants, no earrings, no brand shoes - he just looks so crazy domestic, that Seongwoo has to soundly ignore the tightening in his stomach.

Seongwoo offers his open palm to him.

Daniel stares at it, then sighs and takes out his cigarette pack out from underneath the pillow and puts his pack into his hand, begrudgingly.

“I’m very disappointed.”

“I’m quitting _quitting_ smoking.”

“Did you smoke yesterday?”

“No.” He makes a face; “Yes.”

“How much?” Seongwoo checks the pack. Three gone. “Ah, what a shame. And here I was thinking of rewarding you.”

“What sort of reward are we talking about…?” His lips stretch into a lazy smile.

“We’re not talking about any reward, are we?”

He goes back toward the entrance where he discarded his bags, and takes out the coffee he bought in the cafe down the street from his dorm building.

“Well, get up, we have a long day ahead of us. I brought us coffee. We still have to binge-watch an entire season of a show, nap, order pizza, drink some beer, maybe go to a pub with Minhyun - and when it’s really late, you’re going to give me one of your sculptures and I’ll go my merry way back to my dorm.”

Daniel looks so smug. “Sorry, buddy, you’re getting your hands dirty today.” He reaches out for the coffee, but Seongwoo holds it out of his reach.

“Are you sure you want to go down that path?”

“Yes.”

Seongwoo gives him his coffee cup, and he snorts, taking a sip while staring right at him.

He grunts when the flavour hits his tongue; “Caramel? _Thank you_.”

He snorts and pushes his shoulder.

“Did they already fix the refrigerator? I bought you those lunch boxes you liked, but I didn’t know if I should buy more, because if it’s not working, it’ll spoil.”

“The one that’s by Daehwi’s dorm?”

“Yeah.”

“You took a detour to buy me food?”

Seongwoo turns around to glare at him, but he smiles charmingly at him from the bed. “Hey, a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’m touched.” He places his hand on his chest to emphasis this.

“Jinyoung said they have a new menu for the spring and I wanted to try it out, too.” He reasons, but feels his cheeks kind of tingling. He hopes it doesn’t show.

He opens the refrigerator and feels the inside. Cool - but not _cold_. The freezer part also doesn’t have any ice in it.

There’s still some stuff inside, but it looks empty; some healthy shakes, two beer cans and candies, cucumbers.

“They sent a technician, and I had to lose two classes for it, but the guy didn’t know what he was doing.” Daniel gets up and stretches, somewhere behind him. Seongwoo can literally hear his bones clicking into place all the way in the other side of the room. “It’s sort of working, but not the way it used to.” Seongwoo shoves his stuff in, anyway.

He bought 3 lunches, so they might be still good until tomorrow.

“I’m heading down to the storage to bring your clay. Don’t bother Guanlin, because he went to sleep at 5 am.” He picks up his keys off the stand near the door.

“Because of Jihoon…? Do you hear them making out or something? Oh - do you hear them having weird petty pre-teen fights? Like which digimon is the best digimon? Just how thin are the walls?”

Daniel pokes him on the forehead.

“Because he was cramming for his test, idiot. He left a note on the bathroom door, with a sad smiley face.”

“Poor baby.”

“Which digimon is the best digimon,” Daniel repeats after him, already at the door; “Sounds just like what marvel hero is the best marvel hero.”

“Iron man.”

“Spiderman! I already gave you all the receipts!”

“ _ron man_.”

“This is why you’re going to die alone, Seongwoo. Nobody likes an iron man fan.”

“But everybody love Peter Parker, don’t they? Why is he always at school and he never graduates, huh? He fails his classes, Daniel, that’s why.”

“I’m done with you.” Daniel points a stern finger at him and slams the door closed.

“No you’re not!”

“I am!” He says through the door.

Seongwoo smiles and nibbles at his lip, looking around. He pokes some of the newest molds and casts and weird little sculptures, wondering which one he’s going to take home with him, because he’s seriously not going to sculpt anything, he’ll just waste time until Daniel will give up on him. One of the statues is actually still wet, and he comes too fast at it to stop - he makes a huge dent. Right in the eye area of the statue, too.

He looks back at the door, sucking his lips in. Daniel is going to kill him.

He wastes a few seconds in the bathroom and reads Guanlin’s note.

He’s an exchange student from Taiwan, incredibly smart with numbers and all that, but his Korean is still a bit broken, so he got a few mistakes here and there. The sad face he drew has three hairs sticking up. He’s so cute.

Seongwoo takes out his phone.

He sent DD good morning back when he headed out of the house, but he didn’t reply. He was probably sleeping, like all sane people at 9:30 on saturday.

But there are a few messages unopened from the app on his phone, now. Actually sent 20 minutes ago, but Seongwoo had his hands occupied with plastic bags and coffee cups. He had to type in Daniel’s door code with his nose.

DD sent back a _good morning_ , and a dick pic, because he’s an asshole.

Seongwoo snorts, and bites his lip, still smiling.

In the photo, he’s lying on a bed, one leg raised, and his cock is sort of peeking through a lowered waistband of his adidas sweats. Fuck, he has a nice dick.

“Whatcha smiling at?”

Seongwoo is so fucking startled, he jolts, and the phone - having a mind of his own, and all - just jumps out of hand. He scampers to catch it, but it bounces out of his hand and onto the floor - where it ungracefully slides its way right into Daniel’s slippers.

Daniel dumps a huge lump of clay at the stand by the entrance and bends down to pick it up.

That’s when shit really hits the fan.

Because it’s only then his mind recovers from ‘ _Urgh it might be broken from hitting the floor so hard_ ’ to ‘ _Daniel is going to see the dick pic_ ’.

“No - No - No, please— don’t—” He dives for it, and he does manages to catch it out of his hand - but not before Daniel has a nice long look at the penis on his screen.

Seongwoo wants to combust.

He feels like burning alive. He _is_ burning alive, but from the inside. Except it’s not enough.

Let him just die.

He’s not sure if he’s thankful for feeling a like he might have a seizure or a heart attack. Everything just feels too bright and his heart is drumming against his ribcage out of sheer, unadulterated embarrassment. His knees feel weak, as if his body is ready to make a run for it out of the door.

Daniel doesn’t let him have the opportunity, because he clears his throat so loudly the walls shake.

“Okay,” He picks up the lump of red clay he brought, and carries it to his work desk, dumping it there.

It looks heavy, and the sound it makes on the wooden desk confirms it - but Daniel makes it seem light, carrying it with one hand, and treating it like it’s cotton candy.  

“So I suggest, coming up with a vague concept you’re going to go with, that isn’t a vagina-faced monster. Also use the applied techniques we studied about.”

Maybe he didn’t see it.

Maybe it was too quick of a glance, and he didn’t realize what it was.

Yes. If there is any god out there somewhere, he would hear Seongwoo’s plea just this once.

Daniel rubs his head, looking at lump for a moment; “I went for a more modern dick— I mean, approach. Modern approach.” He looks too smug with himself for it to be a mistake, and he confirms it by adding; “But you can always go old-school. And create something more cocky—”

“I hate you so much right now.” He cuts him off, feeling his blush going down to his collarbone.

Daniel bursts into laughter, and Seongwoo covers his face with his hands.

“Can we just please forget this ever happened?”

“Yes. Okay. We can do that.” He removes Seongwoo’s hand, by pulling his wrist. “Sorry.”  He doesn’t look sorry at all, because he’s wearing a shit-eating grin.

“I ruined one of your sculptures.” Seongwoo decides to tell him.

The smile immediately falters and he looks over the rack; “Which one — Not the statue! I worked over an hour on that eye!”

“It wasn’t on purpose!”

“Ah-uh, like a bull in a china store.” He sighs, and squeezes onto his wrist, before leaving to fetch it to the desk, too.

 

.

 

Seongwoo isn’t very good with clay, but he likes the smell of it, and the texture of it in his hands.

During freshman year, they had a pottery class, and he really loved spinning and shaping things - he created really tall vases, with a dotted pattern on the rims, and got A+ on all his works.

But sculptures are tricky, because you have to nail the concept right, and all that.

And what worse, Seongwoo was really bad at maximalism, which is mostly what the techniques this particular craft class was intending to teach.  

He hates how dirty it is, too - although he brings the oversized button up he usually works with, it doesn’t take long until there’s some on his jeans, his face, and his hands are covered with it until his elbows.

Daniel is a bit cleaner, but it’s probably because he works with a smaller part of his sculpture, and not the entire thing. Seongwoo glances at him.

His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration as he works, hair swept up and out of his eyes with a hairband. They’ve been working for about an hour or so in silence; Seongwoo on one side of the desk, and Daniel on another.

They’ve had a few exchanges, Seongwoo asking to exchange the water bowl, and Daniel asking if he can use one of the tools Seongwoo was working with. Daniel hates small talk during work, it’s distracting.

Daniel looks up all of the sudden, meeting his eyes over the clay, and Seongwoo looks away, back onto his own ugly creation.

Because it’s maximalism, he needs to create something ugly. And because he wants to spite Daniel and press on his buttons, he decided to make a huge cigarette with cigarettes sticking out of it, and actual cigarettes sticking out of those cigarettes. He’s going to use the entire pack, too. And it’s going to have an iron-man theme. He isn’t sure how to incorporate all that, just yet, but that’s where he’s aiming. So far it feels like he’s back to kindergarten, and he’s making a really tall mud pie, with little mud cones sticking out of it.

How is Daniel so good at this? It can’t be that hard.

He glances back at him.

His hands work fast; experienced, careful. He bites onto the edge of his lip, tilting his head a little as his brush gets into one of the crevices. Seongwoo holds his breath along with the line the brush makes.

When the brush stops, he lifts his eyes up to Daniel’s face, and he’s staring back at him, wearing a smug little smirk on his face.

Seongwoo turns away fast, as if scorched, and clears his throat.

Daniel snorts, and Seongwoo stifles down the urge to look up to him again.

After a few minutes, Daniel drops his tools, and heads to the kitchen, and washes off his hands from the extra clay.

When he returns, he leans down the table, inspecting his statue from all sides, before looking back at Seongwoo.

At this point Seongwoo just makes a face at him, without shying away, then sighs.

“How’s it going over there?” He asks, finally.

“Oh, it’s going alright. Just at a snail pace.” Seongwoo replies, and sticks another clay cigarette on the bigger clay cigarette, he does it with such contempt some of it flattens. But he’s okay with that, because he already knows it’s not going to turn out well, either way.

Daniel comes to his side of the table, and Seongwoo takes a step back, to marvel at the beauty of it.

So far, it’s turning out exactly like he wants it to look. Ugly and unexplainable. He’s going to fail this class so hard.

“Well?” He asks, not sure what sort of answer to expect from Daniel.

He’s nodding in approval for a moment, before lifting his hand up to hide his grin; “W-what is it?”

“Can’t you tell? It’s a cigarette, with cigarettes sticking out of it. And then there will be more cigarettes, at some point. Maybe actual real ones.”

Daniel bursts out into laughter, though, and that’s not exactly what Seongwoo wanted; “Why is that funny? FYI, the cigarettes are going to be yours.”  

“Last time you did a vagina with fangs, now it’s a dick with thorns on it.”

Seongwoo looks back at his sculpture, and yeah.

 _Yeah_.

Now he can see it.

“Oh my god.” He puts his hand on his forehead, then cringes, because his hand is dirty with clay.

Daniel thinks it’s the most hilarious thing he’s ever seen. He’s almost floored from laughing so hard.

“It really says something when all your iconic pieces are organs of reproduction, unconsciously.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m going to take a picture of it.”

“No.”

“Yes, it’s going to be my wallpaper.”

“You’re going to get a phone full of clay, if you do that.”

“You can call it; _A Thing I Want But Can’t Have_ .” He bursts into another fit of laughter when he sees the scandalized expression on Seongwoo’s face. “Or better yet - _A Thing That Makes me Smile Creepily At My Phone_.”

Seongwoo crouches on the floor burying his face in his knees. “Can the ground just swallow me, _god_.”

Daniel simmers down after a few more moments, and crouches beside him, tugging onto his hands. “That’s okay, man. If you liked girls and now you’re on the more… phallic part of the spectrum. That’s okay.”

“That’s not what I wanted to hear!” He can see bits of Daniel’s pants, and his slippers, and he finds that the right moment to notice that he’s wearing the same adidas pants, like the ones DD wore in the dick pic he sent; “Can today just please be over already?!” He screams into his jeans.

It’s like some divine intervention is looking to put him into a state of continuous misery, and now, on top of it all, a boner.

“Okay, okay, calm down. Let’s think about another sculpture idea that isn’t a penis.”

“This is never going away.”

“I’m sorry, man, it’s teasing material for at least the next 10 years.” He pulls at his hands, even though they’re super dirty; “Hey, how about what you did for the garbage project thing, last year? You can do that, but in a pile form.”

“I got an A+ on that project.”

“Yeah you did. You can color the clay after it dries down tomorrow.”

“Can I still use your cigarettes to spite you?”

“Yeah. I’ll pretend to be angry at you. I’ll even do that thing with my eyebrows.”

Seongwoo looks up to him, and he tries to make a stern face, with furrowed eyebrows and puckered lips, but you can still tell he’s sort of trying not to smile.

“Okay, that can work.” He sniffs, and wipes his nose, with the back of his hand, even though technically he hasn’t been crying. “Just without the thing you’re doing with your lips. I know it’s very hard for you to experience feelings like anger, but, like, that’s not how humans express it.”

Daniel snorts and interlaces their hands, before getting up and pulling him up with him; “Yes, us, bisexuals, don’t experience human feelings. Because of the lizard blood.”

Seongwoo laughs at first, then trails off, when he understands that DD was using that joke before, and not Daniel.

Daniel releases his hands, and walks back to the table; “It’s a common joke. About how bisexuals aren’t lizards.”

“Yeah, I… uh… heard it before.”

“Anyway, want to destroy your penis? That’s the fun part.”

Seongwoo snorts and comes closer to examine it. He just had to choose one of the most phallic-looking objects, ever.

“It just needs to look like a pile? Right? Or do I actually have to form objects?” He sits back onto the stool, he hates Daniel’s kitchen stools because they’re high, and they don’t have any proper back rest.

“Well, you can form a few objects at the top, but I guess the bulk of it, need to just look like stuff sticking out. So yeah.” Daniel slaps his hand on the side of it, flattening a few cones-cigarettes that stuck out.

Seongwoo nods, and tries to really gets his hands in there, digging inside. It’s a bit harder where it’s thicker, and some parts already developed a layer of crust - but he does get fistful, and closes his fist until it squeezes out from between his fingers.

“Oh god, that feels good.”

Daniel laughs, puts his hand into the dirty water bowel, and lets it trickle down onto the clay, to make it easier to break apart.

When he tries to get into the next section, Daniel helps him, fitting his fingers between Seongwoo’s from his left side and helping him knead it out of it’s former form; his hand is wet, and the clay on Seongwoo’s already dried, and it feels oddly satisfying, like his movement range finally returning to him.

Daniel is way quicker at disintegrating pieces.

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip; “Okay, how are you doing that? Why doesn’t mine fall apart that way? Maybe this clay has prejudice against me, now that I’ve turned it into a dick.”

Daniel snorts and moves the water bowl closer; “Dip.”

Seongwoo does as instructed, expecting some verbal explanation to follow, but Daniel is more of a visual aid sort of dude - he reaches his other hand around him, and trails his wet hands from Seongwoo’s elbows down to his wrists, positioning them around the clay.

“Use your knuckles.” The tips of his fingers press onto Seongwoo’s and dig into the leftover form. “This way it doesn’t have any place to go other than between your fingers.” He pushes onto the base of his hand with his own next, and the clay gives away easily between their fingers.

Seongwoo doesn’t give two shits about the clay at this point, he’s struggling keeping his breathe steady - Daniel is standing right behind him, only slightly taller because of the height of the stool, and his words send a gust of warm hair down his ear, and into his shirt.

Daniel keeps his hands on his, even when there’s nothing left to squeeze.

Seongwoo swallows the lump in his throat that threatens to come out as an explosion out of his mouth, and straightens slightly, meeting Daniel’s chest with his back - just to show he’s not afraid to touch. Except that’s probably not such a good idea, because when he squeezes out the next batch, Daniel’s voice right at his ear.

“That’s good.” He says, voice lower than usual, and _jesus_ , there shouldn't be any sort of nerve endings there attached to his dick.

He wets his hands again, and places them back onto Seongwoo’s, to help him with the last part, but instead of keeping them there, like before, he sinks his fingers between his, before trailing them down to his wrist.

His thumbs press down onto the prodding wrist bone under his own thumbs, and his hands are just… so big around him, that for a moment he just doesn't breathes.

It’s a slick, slippery sort of touch, that should feel pretty disgusting, but considering the circumstances, it feels sensual, gentle and attentive. 

Daniel’s hands move downwards, toward his folded sleeves, and then back upwards, he repeats that movement, fingers drifting down his arm, again, and _again_.

He can’t even think straight, because Daniel’s rubbing his nose into his hair, burying his face into him, and he’s touching him, _touching_ him, in a way that he shouldn’t.

“Fuck, you smell so good.” He whispers.

When there’s nothing left to destroy, and Seongwoo can no longer control his breathe, his chest rising and falling quickly, Daniel slips his hands back up to his fingers and interweaves their hands together.

Fuck, it’s happening, it’s actually happening, and Seongwoo is scared to close his eyes, afraid that this might disappear if he blinks.

He leans down a bit further, and places the softest, cruelest kiss exactly where Seongwoo’s neck becomes his shoulder. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” He snorts, fitting his nose into his skin, and when he inhales, Seongwoo inhales with him.  “Is that okay?” He asks, and Seongwoo can’t process it, can't digest it in a way that would make sense outside of his elaborate daydreams.

Never in his life did he want something - somebody - the way he wants Daniel. Every fiber in his body is tense and ready and he **knows** , knows how much he wants it, wants _this_ , wants _him_.

“Seongwoo?” The way he says his name, quietly, adding it to the question - that should be enough, but he also nips his neck, dragging his teeth on his skin. It makes Seongwoo’s fingers squeeze onto Daniel’s.

“Fuck,” He can’t even control his own voice, it sounds shaky and alien, as if somebody else is speaking. “Yeah, that’s… okay.”

He can feel the sharp inhale Daniel takes; a vibration on his back, and he turns to look at him, leaning slightly onto Daniel’s shoulder.

He never seen him this up close, actually - it’s kind of terrifying, really - everything about Daniel is.

When their lips meet for the first time - he tastes of coffee and cigarettes.  

It’s so weird, because it’s just a smack of lips on lips, not an actual kiss, even, because the angle doesn’t allow it, not properly at least. Daniel draws back for a moment, but doesn't open his eyes. His lips are red and wet. 

Then, it's Seongwoo turn to kissing him, lifting one of his hand to Daniel’s face.

This kiss is more opened, _careful_ , wet.

It’s different.

Different than how he imagined it.

Different because it’s real, and it’s so much better, and Daniel’s hand is big and wet on his waist, he can feel the clay seeping in through the shirt.

“Daniel,” The door is slammed behind them, and they both jolt away from each other. Seongwoo already knows who it is from the fake british accent. “Whatcha doing, bud?”

Jaehwan makes his way to the table, slurping on a bubble tea cup. “Oh hey, hyung. You’re here, too? Perfect, because I also convinced Woojin to come over. Ohhhh, clay time! I want to play, too!” He immediately folds his sleeves and sits on the stool Daniel was previously sitting at, on the opposite side of the table.

Daniel’s laughter is short and quick, almost like a primal reaction to surprise he didn’t anticipate.

Fuck Daniel’s dorm to hell and back. Literally everybody know his door code, too. It’s 1996, What a goddamn surprise.

“Maybe you should change your door code.” Seongwoo suggests, hands back in his clay.

“Fuck.” Daniel laughs again, and wipes his face with the back of his hand.

“Don’t be cruel, you guys,” Jaehwan sips some more from his tea, then puts it onto the table; “Jisung kicked me out because he needed to finish up on some assignment.”

Long story short, Seongwoo is semi-hard for long 7 hours, and lowkey thinks about hurting Jaehwan for the first 3 of those hours. In a painful way.

It’s not a bad day, overall, though, because he finishes his sculpture, while Jaehwan makes a bunch of mini-me-Jaehwans sculptures. After that Guanlin wakes up, and Woojin comes over bearing lunch, and they sit there on the couch, and watch national geographic channel because there’s an interesting show about outer space travel - during this, Daniel sits right below his spot on the couch, and massages his ankle bone, fingers climbing up underneath the rim of his jeans, or smiling at him whenever their gazes cross, and it’s so _normal_.

Like they didn’t just made out.

He wants to stay. Needs to stay, especially as everybody are filing back home, but Woojin wants to leave when he leaves, because his house is down the road from his.

He helps him carry his goddamn stupid sculpture of a pile of goddamn fucking garbage, that has goddamn actual cigarettes on it (Daniel did his angry face at him while he was pouring them in, but with the puckered lips, and even Jaehwan asked him why he was doing that weird expression), had been incorporated with Jaehwan’s figurines (he demanded credit for his hard work), and a garbage bag that Daniel had in his dorm room. He’s expecting a C- or a D, he’s fine with whatever at this point as long as it’s a passing grade.

Woojin actually asks him what got his panties in a knot, today, and yeah, his panties need to seriously lay off the _knot_.

He decides to compose a really long text professing his undying love for Daniel, but the more he thinks of it, the dumber that idea sounds.

Who says Daniel even likes him back?

Maybe he got swept up with feeling up Seongwoo’s hands? Stranger things have happened.

He didn’t even seem all that distressed that Seongwoo was smiling at other dicks on his phone? In fact, he joked about it. From his past relationships and what Jisung told him, Seongwoo remembers that he’s crazy jealous, too. Maybe because Seongwoo is a guy, he doesn't care. 

Daniel never actually dated a guy seriously, now that he thinks of it. He hooked up with some guys, but it ended just as swiftly as it started.

But Daniel wouldn’t play around with him like that. That’s just cruel.

Daniel isn’t texting him, either.

Fuck.

But DD is. He sends him a ‘ **Heyy** ’ somewhere around 8pm, and Seongwoo manages to ignore it for 12 long minutes, but then he feels like he needs to do something, _anything_ , to get his mind off of things, otherwise he’s going to overthink himself into a aneurysm.

**Whiskers: Hi**

**DestroyerD: What’s up?**

**Whiskers: My dick is up, that’s what’s up**

**DestroyerD: wooooooooooooowww ::laughing emoji::**

**Whiskers: Fuck everything right now, I feel like combusting**

**DestroyerD: lmfao what happened**

**DestroyerD: Your crush?**

**Whiskers: Yeah.**

**Whiskers: We kind of kissed**

**DestroyerD: Oh shit! Really?**

**Whiskers: Yeah. Really.**

**DestroyerD: ::30 clapping emojis::**

**Whiskers: :: upset emoji ::**

**DestroyerD: Why?**

**Whiskers: Nothing is working out the way I want it to.**

**DestroyerD: Didn’t you want this, too?**

**Whiskers: Not like this!**

**Whiskers: MY FRIEND JUST CAME IN RIGHT WHEN THINGS WERE GOING DOWN, I LITERALLY FELT LIKE TRANSFORMING INTO A FIRE BREATHING DRAGON**

**DestroyerD: Out of embarrassment?**

**Whiskers: wtf lol no**

**Whiskers: Because I wanted to kill him**

**Whiskers: I legit thought of 25 different ways of murdering him and dumping his body while he was making dumb clay figurines urgh**

**Whiskers: on another note, I got to sculpt a really awesome realistic pair of shoes**

**Whiskers: Are you still wearing those adidas sweats?**

**DestroyerD: Yeah**

**DestroyerD: Why?**

**Whiskers: Can you send another dick pic?**

**DestroyerD: Dude lol**

**DestroyerD: Is this for science**

**DestroyerD: Or some other ideas you’re having**

**Whiskers: My crush was wearing the same pants today**

**Whiskers: And honestly, I really want to jack off right now**

**DestroyerD: We can just chat instead**

**DestroyerD: How about that?**

**Whiskers: What? Cyber?**

**DestroyerD: Yeah.**

Seongwoo scrunches his nose on the thought of that. No. That feels wrong. 

**Whiskers: No, man**

**Whiskers: I’m sort of… like… getting together with my crush**

**Whiskers: That would be like cheating**

**DestroyerD: LOL**

**DestroyerD: But me sending you a dick pic isn’t?**

**Whiskers: No.**

**DestroyerD: ???**

**DestroyerD: Please explain, the logic eludes me**

**Whiskers: Well, dick pics are like porn**

**Whiskers: But sexting is more personal… I guess…?**

**DestroyerD: So let’s say, you hook up with your crush**

**DestroyerD: Do you think he’d be okay with random guys sending you dick pics?**

**Whiskers: Don’t take this personally**

**Whiskers: I really like you.**

**Whiskers: I think you’re awesome.**

**Whiskers: I think we would be great real life friends**

**Whiskers: We click crazy well, too**

**Whiskers: And you seriously have the nicest looking dick I ever saw**

**Whiskers: But if me and my crush hook up, I don’t want to be in anybody’s business but his**

**Whiskers: And I don’t want anybody’s dick pics, either**

**Whiskers: Ugh, I’m sorry if I sound like a bad person**

**DestroyerD: Don’t… worry about that**

**DestroyerD: I don’t think you’re a bad person**

**Whiskers: It’s just… almost too easy to imagine you as my crush.**

**Whiskers: That’s why it’s like porn lol**

Seongwoo actually feels bad for saying it.

It's fun chatting with DD.

But it’s the truth.

From the start, DD was Daniel in his head. It’d be denial to say that he wasn’t. They were just too alike to make them apart in his head. That’s why Seongwoo even stuck around for as long as he did - because it was like a free-pass into what he _thinks_ is in Daniel’s head. 

It sucks that he's frustrated, and sucks even harder that he's letting it out on a completely innocent person who didn't do anything wrong. 

**DestroyerD: That makes me feel a bit used lol**

**DestroyerD: fuck, but it makes you even more perfect**

**DestroyerD: Fuckkk**

**Whiskers: Pls don’t say you’re crushing on me too now :(**

**Whiskers: :((**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip when no answer comes.

Today is just horrible.

And he feels like a horrible person too.

Next thing he knows Daniel is gonna call to apologize or something and then they’ll stop being friends.

Except then - DD does text him back.

Not a message, but a dick pic.

It’s not even exactly a dick pic; well, it is, his dick is fully pulled out of his adidas pants, out in the open, and spent against his abs. A trail of cum on the abs glistering from the flash he used.

**Whiskers: That’s cruel, man**

**Whiskers: :((( I know I’m not a good person but I didn’t deserve that**

**Whiskers: Fuck**

**DestroyerD: Well, you didn’t want to join in for the fun, didn’t you?**

**DestroyerD: Going to take a nap**

**DestroyerD: Feel free to enjoy yourself :)**

**Whiskers: Fuck you, too**

**DestroyerD: ::laughing emoji::**

Seongwoo logs out of the app.

Then logs back in, and downloads it.

The photo itself is a bit dark and grainy, probably because it’s nighttime.

It looks just like him. He can imagine him holding his dick like that - even the hand in the picture is _veiny_.

Seongwoo’s hand is already in his pants, before he even thinks about Daniel’s cock. And when he does, his toes curl and his back tenses. It’s almost electrifying to see it on the screen of his phone.

It’s not his cock, but for now, he imagines it is, big and warm.

If he and Daniel become a couple, is he going to send him dick pics too? Is he going to get creative?

God, he can’t even process what he’s doing after that, rolling from side to side, and grunting whenever he imagines Daniel’s lips, his big hands holding his above his head, interlacing them and squeezing them when they grind together.

It doesn’t take him all that long to get off, because he’s already ready - been ready for frickin’ hours to find the release he was looking for - and when it does, it’s on his belly. He bites the pillow to stop the moan from coming out, the fabric of the sheets helping him get the grind he was looking for.

It’s so senseless, that he can’t even think, not even for the next fifteen minutes after he stained his sheets. Everything is a mess.

His life is a goddamn Jackson Pollock painting.

 

.

 

He wakes up much less angry, and decides that the day is going to be productive.

So the first thing he does, is head over to Jisung’s to bring him back his rubber bag.

After that, he’s going to text Daniel, and ask him to come over.

Once he’ll collect enough courage.

Later.

Surely, it’ll happen during some point today.

After he’ll finish his homework, maybe.

Jaehwan opens the door, earset on his neck, and cord trailing after him.

“Hey, bud. Want to play league of legends? Jisung is being a jerk, so we have a free computer.”

“I’m using the computer!” Jisung yells from inside.

“No, I got stuff to do.” Seongwoo sighs.

He used to love playing it, but it got old real fast. Sometimes one battle can last for hours. Even the character variety became oversaturated.

Jaehwan throws his hands up and lets them fall in exasperation, before walking inside and leaving the door opened.

He’s on the sofa in the dorms he shares with Jisung, ready with two energy drinks, and a large pack of chips, which he already opened and scattered around.

Jisung is in the kitchen. “Yo. What’s up?”

“Brought you back the bag.” Seongwoo puts it on the table. It makes an oddly wet noise, because there’s still water inside of it.

“And you didn’t even empty it.” Jisung is staring at him, not as amused as Seongwoo hoped him to be, before sighing; “Procrastinating, then. What are you avoiding, now?”

“Nothing.” He sits on one of the kitchen stools, though.

“Nothing?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.”

“Okay.” Jisung sing-songs, and continues tapping on his computer. He’s probably busy.

Seongwoo watches Jaehwan, slightly interested when he hears him mentioning Daniel’s name.

“Daniel said he’s up, so just wait one more minute. Well, that’s because you’re dumb. You too. Woojin, you’re support. Because I said _so_. Fine, be like that. I can’t be support, I clearly only have rad mage skills. Fuck you too, Sewoon. And fuck your iguana, too.”

“Are you going to just sit there, or spill the beans about you and Daniel?”

Seongwoo turns back to him and Jisung is giving him the _raised eyebrows_ , and Seongwoo hates the _raised eyebrows_.

Seongwoo groans; “How did you know?” He covers his face with his hands.

“I know everything. Got the power of vision. Woojin said that you two were weird as heck yesterday. He also said that Daniel was tenting - I presumed, since we’re talking about Woojin here, that he meant an erection was happening. In Daniel’s crotch area.”

“I want to die.” Seongwoo dumps his head on the table.

“Want to tell me about it? Because Daniel had been in complete and utter radio silence about this. Hell, I’d knock him up his head whenever I’d see him eyeing your ass, but I didn’t think something might actually happen. I always thought you knew.”

“What? He did what? Knew what? Jesus, do you think I have eyes at the back of my head? How would I know he’s eyeing me? Fuck. I’ve been crushing on him for years like a dumbfuck.”

Jisung snorts, and pats his head affectionately; “Well, I’m glad that you figured it out. Finally. All that tension between you two would always make me hungry.”

“We didn’t figure anything out. We just kissed. And then Jaehwan barged in. And nothing happened, and he didn’t even text me.”

“Just  _communicate,_ already. With actual words! Listen, send him a text. _Now_. He’s probably just as confused as you are.”

“I don’t wanna.” He whines, shaking his shoulders in defiance and making a weird face expression.

“Give me your phone, I’ll do it.”

“No.”

“Seongwoo, look at me. You already kissed, the hard part is behind you. You know he likes you. He knows you like him. What are you angsting about?”

Before Seongwoo can answer, Jaehwan lets out a shriek, before deepening his tone; “YES! _DestroyerDan_ is in the house!” He yells into the mic, drumming on the table in excitement. “Freaking finally! How long did it take you to brush your teeth, Daniel? Stop enabling him, Sewoon, you’re support. Because I said _so_.”

Seongwoo looks at his hands, then up at Jisung’s face.

“Do you want me to tell him to text you? I’ll be super subtle. I can tell Minhyun to tell him to text you. Oh - I can tell Sungwoon. I vote Sungwoon, because he’s makes things like that seem super nonchalant.”

“No - uh—” He points toward Jaehwan, a question forming, and then disappearing, because Daniel is DestroyerDan. That’s his in-game nickname.

His in-game nickname is _DestroyerDan_.

Destroyer-fucking-Dan.

“What?” Jisung furrows his eyebrows at him; “What happened?”

Jesus fucking christ.

DestroyerD _._ Destroyer _Dick._ Danik. It fucking rhymes, for the love of god, how did he not see that?

Fuck - it feels like somebody spilled cold water on him, and the room is spinning for a moment, simply because everything is clicking into place, in a way that makes him sick.

And the thing is, it was right in front of his face the entire time.

“I - um - I need to go.” He’s already off the chair when he says that, and then he’s out of the door.

He stops only when he understand he has no idea where he is. He has no memory of actually getting there, he should take the bus back to his dorm - but now that he’s there, he leans down the red brick wall and looks straight ahead. Then sinks down.

Fuck.

The street is still empty; too early on Sunday for anything to be properly opened. It’s a bit foggy and cool, too.

But it doesn’t fucking make sense.

Except it does - the abs, they were Daniel’s abs. The adidas pants were Daniel’s pants. The jokes were Daniel's jokes. The words were Daniel's words. He knew exactly what to say because he _was_ Daniel all along.  _DestroyerD_ is _Daniel_.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** the scene was inspired by the sexy scene from ghost, but turned out totally different, sigh, idk what I'm doing anymore lmfao  
> BUT HEY LOOK A CLIFFHANGER TO MAKE YOU EVEN MORE MAD AT ME!  
> Bet you didn't expect that!  
> *runs into hiding from the angry mob*


	4. Nothing Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay sooooooo  
> YAY IT'S HERE!  
> I want to take the opportunity to apologize for taking so long with it. It still needs some mild editing/proof-reading, but I feel like it's most complete, so there you go!

When Seongwoo first met Daniel, he thought he’s a real cool dude.

He remembers shaking his hand. Talking vaguely about their minors. Daniel was speaking to another classmate actually, and Seongwoo barged in, thoughtless, because he needed something, and only then he thought ‘wow’. It’s not just his image - Daniel makes an impression. Even the way he stands, pose confident, smile charming, the way he holds the cigarette. You get a taste of what you’re buying. It made Seongwoo feel a bit self-conscious. He was walking around with an oversized hoodie and worn jeans with paint blots, and one of his sneakers was untied and the shoelaces trailed after him.

Freshman year, first semester - new faces, new names, new friends, classes, schedules, assignments, and a whole new load of anxiety. Seongwoo barely remembered classroom numbers during that mess - but he remembered Daniel, right away. Because it was hard not to.

They became friends only later into the semester, when they got paired for a project.

Goofy, cat-obsessed Daniel, who played League of Legends until ungodly hours, and could potentially wear his sweatpants to his own wedding. Within weeks, Seongwoo was ready to tattoo his name on his fucking forehead.

He kept thinking; “How is it possible that I click so much with a person who is so different from me?” and “How the heck did I just spent my entire weekend chatting with the same person about nonsense?” Because it just seemed bizarre to him that it was even possible for him to reach that level of comfort with somebody he barely knew.

And here he is; thinking it happened _again._

With some other dude. Who is coincidentally from the same university as him. Who coincidentally had the same personality Daniel had. Who has the exact same body type. Like it’s a copy-paste.

And thing is - that he didn’t have to do much to keep up the lie; he barely spoke about himself. He never talked about things in his life, unless Seongwoo asked, there were no events that were happening that made him spring up and report it to the chatroom. Seongwoo knew zero about his day-to-day life, while he himself literally itched to log in and spray the chat with his word vomit because Daniel _sneezed and it was cute af_.

Seongwoo already had a high opinion of Daniel, and never in his life he would assume, he’d go around with a dumb nickname such as Destroyer Dick (even though that rhymes with Danik, and made it much more plausible - if not _intelligent -_  to use, especially if he was using DestroyerDan someplace else.)

After that it didn’t matter, because he already convinced himself. It was probably a sprinkle of denial and dissociation, mixed together with exactly what his mind wanted to hear and see - a faceless knight in shining armor that appeared in a time of peril, who always knew exactly what to say, and it was always exactly what Seongwoo wanted to hear.

Seongwoo comes home when it’s already dark outside.

He’s hungry, and nauseous at the same time. He vaguely remembers, but those hours roaming outside, just seem lost on him right now. Like looking into a void.

Daniel sent him a few messages earlier, too.

But he just felt so numb and shook that he couldn’t even unlock his phone.

He takes off his shoes, then lies down in the foyer and stares at the ceiling.

On one side, he’s deeply hurt.

Daniel had several chances to explain himself, both while chatting, or when they were doing things together. He clearly knew who he was talking to. There’s no doubt about that in his mind. It’s not like him at all, to lie and cheat his way through something.

It’s not something he could see Daniel do. He feels used, like Daniel turned him upside down, and shook him, and all his secrets spilled out of his pockets. But at the same time - it’s not like he’s out there spreading rumors and making his life a miserable hell.

He used it to break the barrier.

Talking to DD - to Daniel - gave him the courage not to shy away, and gave Daniel the courage to make a move.

So on the other hand - it’s a good thing?

Daniel would never hurt him. Not on purpose. Seongwoo still _truly_ believed in that and yet…

He puts his hand on his heart.

Why did everything have to be such a goddamn mess?

He takes his phone out of his pocket.

**Daniel: Hey**

**Daniel: Can we talk?**

**Daniel: ?**

Seongwoo sighs. He sent it hours ago.

**Self: Yeah, we should talk**

**Self: Come by tomorrow after classes?**

He wants to joke, and add that he has a lock on his door, but he’s not sure if he should pretend everything is fine when it’s not.

**Daniel: Okay :)**

Seongwoo stares at the smiley for a long moment, before getting up and taking a long inhale.

He’s fine, this is _fine_ , there’s no use to angst about things he can’t control, except that’s easier said than done, and his hands are shaking when he pours hot water over his ramyun cup.

Fuck.

He has no idea how he’s going to face him.

“Hello best friend of 3 years that lied to my face for the past few weeks and pretended to be somebody else, so you could get into my pants!” He says to his noodle cup. “I’m dandy, and how are you?”

The cup is silent. Seongwoo has to wait 3 minutes. Seongwoo sighs and turns back to his room.

He just feels jittery with nerves, like he might explode.

He takes out his phone out of his pocket again, and logs into the app.

**Whiskers: Hi**

**DestroyerD: Heyyy**

**DestroyerD: No hard feelings about yesterday?**

**DestroyerD: You were logged out, I couldn’t send you messages**

**Whiskers: Yeah, I needed to think about stuff**

**DestroyerD: What sort of stuff? :)**

**Whiskers: Just stuff**

**DestroyerD: Stuff about your crush?**

He’s fucking fishing.

 _Fishing_ to talk about it, and he’s been doing it all along. Not being there for Seongwoo, but trying to figure out his mindset. Seongwoo grunts.

**Whiskers: Yeah, I guess**

**DestroyerD: Don’t wanna talk about it?**

**Whiskers: Maybe later**

**Whiskers: If you and your crush kiss, what you’d do?**

Now Daniel has to answer what _he_ thinks.

**DestroyerD: I’d be scared out of my wits that he’ll chicken out on me.**

Fucking asshole.

**Whiskers: Maybe that should be the least of your worries.**

**DestroyerD: lol?**

**DestroyerD: why’s that?**

**Whiskers: idk**

**DestroyerD: What else should I worry about?**

Seongwoo almost writes it; he almost writes ‘deceiving your way into his pants by playing pretend on the internet should be a bigger worry’, but he takes a large inhale, and decides to take the adult way out of the situation.

**Whiskers: A lot of stuff.**

He looks around the room, thinking about what other stuff Daniel should be worried about. He’s feeling vindictive. One of the newspaper he stacks in case he’s doing something messy has a smiling male model.

**Whiskers: Like maybe now that he’s open to the idea of gayness, he might find other people to crush on, while you’re… off… being scared.**

**DestroyerD: wowww**

**DestroyerD: I mean**

**DestroyerD: That’s totally not passive aggressive at all.**

**DestroyerD: Are *you* crushing on somebody else now?**

**Whiskers: No**

Seongwoo’s leg bounces annoyingly out of impatience. Or anger.

**Whiskers: Maybe**

**Whiskers: I was doing the laundry, and we have this new tenant at the dorm lol**

**DestroyerD: Do you now?**

**Whiskers: I helped him out. With the laundry.**

**Whiskers: He’s kinda funny.**

Seongwoo isn’t sure what this pettiness is going to achieve.

It’s more like curiosity mixed with pettiness, just to see how far he can reach up his own ass to drive Daniel up the wall. It’s like he needs to make sure it’s Daniel.

There is no fucking neighbor, he spent the entire day sitting in a park, looking at people, and distracting himself out of a crippling realization that the reason why he and Daniel kissed isn’t some… star crossed, long awaited climax of a story, but an elaborate, carefully executed persuasion under the name of DestroyerD - and he needed to make peace with that.

He still hasn’t.

**DestroyerD: Are you sure this isn’t just the straighty panic driving you to self-destruct mode?**

**DestroyerD: You finally got what you wanted, but now it scares you, because it means committing to something you’re not sure you want anymore, now that you have it. So now you’re looking for an easy way out.**

Asshole, _asshole_ , **_asshole_ **.

He’ll show him straighty panic, until he’ll _gay_ panic.

**Whiskers: ::laughing emoji::**

**Whiskers: pfft**

**Whiskers: I’m not going to get all self-destructive, don’t worry**

**Whiskers: orsleep with the first dude I meet**

**Whiskers: Or whatever the eff you imagined there lol**

**Whiskers: I just think I got the whole… gay thing now**

**Whiskers: the dude got all flirty**

**Whiskers: He also took off his shirt. So he could wash it too.**

**Whiskers: I’m hypeddd**

**DestroyerD: Oh**

Seongwoo is just sipping from his water bottle waiting for him to reply.

He doesn’t. Somebody else does, though.

**Daniel: are you sure I can’t come over now? :))**

Seongwoo spits out the water, like it’s a goddamn fountain. He almost sees a rainbow. He doubles down from laughing so hard.

This is fun!

Is he actually jealous?

Over a nonexistent imaginary dude?

**Self: ummm**

**Self: Not really**

**Self: a bit busy with some stuff**

**Self: still have to paint my sculpture**

**Self: I’m sure you can wait until tomorrow.**

**Self: :))**

**Daniel: :))**

Seongwoo eats his already completely soggy noodles while staring at the chatroom, thinking what else he can do. He needs to think this through without being obvious that he figured out.

If Daniel can play this game, so can he.

And yes, he vaguely understands that he wants to inflict pain on him.

It’s toxic, and dangerous, and he shouldn’t do it, but he’s so petty, that he feels like pointing a finger and yelling ‘He started it first!’ like he’s in second grade. He feels cheated, and wants to push on all his buttons. At once. Make this lying sack of balls _sweat_.

**Whiskers: sorry omg**

**Whiskers: he came over to ask to use the microwave because his is not working**

**Whiskers: and he’s still shirtless lol**

**Whiskers: this is exciting**

**DestroyerD: What exactly is exciting about some dude you barely know?**

**Whiskers: idk lol**

**Whiskers: he saw the project I’m working on, and was like**

**Whiskers: wow are you an artist?**

**Whiskers: do you do nude paintings?**

**Whiskers: I can model?**

**Whiskers: lmfaoooo**

**DestroyerD: Is he still there?**

**Whiskers: yeah he’s checking out my portfolio**

**Whiskers: why?**

This is so easy.

To lie online.

Unless he comes over, he has no way to confirm it.

He can say whatever the fuck he wants to, because in real life, lying is definitely not his strongest point.

He almost craps himself when Daniel texts him again.

**Daniel: I kinda want to talk now**

**Daniel: Like right now**

**Self: Hmmm**

**Self: What would you want to talk about so urgently that can’t wait until tomorrow? ::thinking emoji::**

**Daniel: Dumb doesn’t suit you**

**Self: Impatient doesn’t suit you, either.**

**Daniel: Okay**

**Daniel: You’re right**

**Daniel: Sorry**

**Daniel: I’ll see you on Monday, then. :))**

**Self: :) See you then**

He’s totally jealous.

He’s so jealous.

And that dumb two parentheses smiley is the most passive aggressive thing he’s seen Daniel do in his entire life.

**Whiskers: oh jeez he spilled water on his chest on purpose**

**DestroyerD: lame and pathetic**

**DestroyerD: I hope his chest is even worth looking at**

**Whiskers: Well, it sure looks more ripped than yours**

**Whiskers: You got a bit belly fats, like a tiny bit**

**DestroyerD: …**

**DestroyerD: fucking where**

Seongwoo is having too much fun with this.

**Whiskers: lmfao was that a sensitive topic? sorryyy**

**Whiskers: Should I offer help cleaning him, because he’s taking an awfully long time patting the tissue on himself lol**

**DestroyerD: wtf**

**DestroyerD: no**

**DestroyerD: he should clean his own fucking chest if he spilled water on himself**

**DestroyerD: how long is his food cooking in the microwave???**

Seongwoo throws his head back from laughing.

Transparent as hell.

**Whiskers: pfft calm down**

**Whiskers: He was eating his microwave meal and looking through my portfolio**

**DestroyerD: he sounds like he’s making you uncomfortable**

**Whiskers: so far, it sounds like the only person he’s making uncomfortable is you**

**DestroyerD: and your crush**

**DestroyerD: if he’d know about him**

**DestroyerD: He totally wouldn’t be cool about it**

**Whiskers: nah he’s cool**

**Whiskers: He wouldn’t mind**

**Whiskers: yesterday he saw me looking at your dick pic and totally shrugged it off and laughed about it**

That’s right, asshole, you reap what you sow.

It takes him a long while to answer, and Seongwoo check his phone every second to see if he sent something, finally he does.

**DestroyerD: was that before or after you kissed**

**Whiskers: why does it matter**

**DestroyerD: because now that you’re sort of hooking up, he might not be cool with that**

The struggle!

Seongwoo can’t stop laughing.

**Whiskers: Maybe I’ll ask him, next time I see him.**

**DestroyerD: Yeah, you should do that.**

It’s incredibly hard to focus on his assignment after that, and he keeps messing up the colors as he types in other extravagant things his imaginary neighbor is doing around his house.

Lifting the bed for him, like Seongwoo had been asking Daniel to do for over 3 months now, because his favorite brush rolled in underneath a hole in the wall.

Helping him bring his laundry from down the hall. Flirting and jabbing into all of Daniel’s painful points.

At some point he snaps, just like Seongwoo expected him to.

**Whiskers: Ugh, he’s adamant about giving me a massage, what should I do?**

**DestroyerD: Say you don’t want to get a massage wtf**

**Whiskers: Oh wait, this isn’t so bad**

**Whiskers: he’s /good/.**

**DestroyerD: wtf**

**DestroyerD: Okay, sorry to bring you down from your newly acquired gay-high**

**DestroyerD: but he sounds like a sleazy, rape-y douche**

**DestroyerD: from the guys that go to gay clubs only to get blowjobs in the toilet**

**Whiskers: Rape-y? ::laughing emoji::**

**DestroyerD: He’s been hanging out with you for like over an hour now. He’s clearly expecting this to go somewhere, and he’ll get upset once he’ll realize it won’t. So… make sure he won’t slip something into your drink while you’re not looking.**

**Whiskers: Thanks for the heads up! ::thumbs up emoji::**

**DestroyerD: Unless you want it to go somewhere.**

**DestroyerD: In which case, bon voyage.**

**Whiskers: Aren’t you a little too upset about this?**

**Whiskers: Nothing is going to happen**

**Whiskers: He’s just an overly-friendly neighbor, leaving now, anyway**

**Whiskers: And here I thought you’re cheering for me and my sexual orientation exploration. Tsk-tsk.**

**DestroyerD: I totally am.**

**DestroyerD: But ‘scuse me for feeling bad for your crush.**

**DestroyerD: Who's probably waiting for the other glove to fall**

**DestroyerD: While you’re doing**

**DestroyerD: whatever it is you’re doing**

**DestroyerD: With somebody who you don’t even know.**

**Whiskers: Pry tell, what is it that I’m doing that’s so wrong?**

**Whiskers: I already made it very clear that hooking up is off the table.**

**Whiskers: Feels nice being openly courted, for once**

**Whiskers: He has the balls to continue doing that, after I already refused**

**Whiskers: My crush has been too busy being scared to ever do that, because rejection is painful boo-fucking-hoo**

**DestroyerD: Is that so.**

**DestroyerD: so like.**

**DestroyerD: strangers sending you dick pics is okay.**

**DestroyerD: and strangers loitering in your dorm room half naked is okay.**

**DestroyerD: but sexting isn’t okay?**

**DestroyerD: Just trying to make sense of you and the mess you’re creating for yourself**

**Whiskers: :( You’re being kind of mean today**

**Whiskers: Is this because of yesterday?**

When Daniel takes super long to answer, Seongwoo giggles. There is no other verb to describe it. It’s an evil giggle, triumph coursing through his body for a long moment, until it leaves him even more empty.

So he fills it in with more pettiness.

**Whiskers: wait**

**Whiskers: Don’t tell me I was right and you’re actually crushing on me :(**

**DestroyerD: if i was, would you give me a chance to ‘openly court’ you, too?**

**Whiskers: Well, you do have a nice dick**

**DestroyerD: yesterday you said, if you hook up with your crush, you wouldn’t give two shits about anybody else**

**DestroyerD: Now you changed your mind completely???**

**DestroyerD: What happened???**

**Whiskers: I’m indesivice and bipolar**

**Whiskers: You just don’t know me very well**

**DestroyerD: I think I know enough to say that you’re the complete opposite of it.**

**Whiskers: You’ve been chatting with me for a few weeks and you already claim to know me enough?**

**Whiskers: You’re acting super hostile**

**Whiskers: siding with my crush**

**Whiskers: even though you don’t even know anything about the two of us**

**Whiskers: So you’re either jealous**

**Whiskers: Or you know my crush personally??? Which if that’s true and you didn’t say a thing until now - fuck you.**

**Whiskers: of course, I got my guards back up!**

**Whiskers: I trusted you to be my friend.**

**Whiskers: Told you shit I didn’t tell anybody.**

**Whiskers: I’m kind of done.**

**Whiskers: You’re the same as everybody else.**

**Whiskers: The only person I can truly trust is my crush**

**Whiskers: He’d never cheat or lie to me**

**Whiskers: Or do anything to hurt me.**

**Whiskers: Or have some agenda up his sleeve**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip.

He can literally feel Minhyun and Jisung standing behind him, both wearing identical ‘oh, honey’ expressions on their face, giving him the pity eyebrows.

This isn’t doing anybody any good.

Not even himself.

He’s just being cruel.

But he feels cheated, and wants to stab something continuously until this feeling will pass.

Never in his life would he think Daniel would make him feel like that.

Not even for one second.

Daniel doesn’t answer, because he’s panicking out of his wits right now.

Seongwoo can literally hear him screaming and pissing his pants.

He’s not the only one apparently, because the next thing that happens, just as Seongwoo washing his brushes in the sink, is that Guanlin sends a message.

**Linlin: dude**

**Linlin: you broke Daniel hyung**

**Self: lollll what did I do**

**Linlin: isn’t he texting you or something?**

**Linlin: he only ever gets this worked up if he’s talking to you**

**Linlin: come fix him, I think he’s going to cry**

**Self: LMFAO if he cries send me a video, i wanna see**

**Linlin: harsh**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip.

But curiosity takes the best of him.

**Self: wait, what is he doing? Beside crying?**

**Linlin: he came to sit and watch tv with me, started texting, stood up, sat down, got red to the tips of his ears, went back to his room, came back and slammed the door, pointed at me and wanted to say something, then went back to his room and screamed.**

**Linlin: really loudly**

**Linlin: Sungwoon hyung opened the door to my room and peered in and asked if he should call the cops**

**Linlin: now he’s back here and he’s pale like he’s seen a ghost**

**Linlin: He smoked a whole pack, too**

**Linlin: He looks like those wolves in cartoons that fill up an entire mouth with cigs and smoke them at all at once**

**Linlin: can’t you, like… work your magic with him?**

**Self: hmmmm**

**Self: I’ll think about it**

**Self: Busy**

**Linlin: hyung just call him, he’s on his phone right now**

**Linlin: he’s been trying to compose a message for 10 minutes**

**Self: oh no**

**Linlin: ???**

**Self: Listen, just let him stew a little**

**Self: He’ll get over it.**

**Linlin: Are you guys fighting????**

**Self: Not yet**

**Linlin: yet?????**

**Linlin: ?????????????????**

**Linlin: hyung you’re older**

**Linlin: I’m telling Jisung hyung : <**

Seongwoo sighs, irritated, and continues washing his brushes. He brushes them a little too aggressively, then throws them into the sink and turns away from it.

Why should he be the one who takes the adult way out?

He’s the victim here!

He clicks his tongue, because he’s not even angry at Daniel. He’s angry at himself, for not noticing sooner, for trying to jab him back, for seeing how far he can go.

Fuck!

He decides to just go to sleep so tomorrow can come already, because he’s losing it.

He takes a shower, changes clothes, and closes the lights and stares at his phone, until a message finally comes.

But it’s nothing like what he expects, at all.

**DestroyerD: You’re right. And I apologize. Sincerely. For today and generally. I think perhaps I’ve been projecting things on you and thinking of you as my crush and I shouldn’t have done that. It’s dumb that I even use that word. /Crush/, like a teenager, because he’s definitely not a crush anymore. He hasn’t been just a crush for well over two years now. When I met him, my life was a complete and utter mess, and he was the only thing that made sense in all of it. I wish I could have seen it sooner, how perfect he is for me, because maybe I would’ve acted out on it when the time was right. Now it’s too late, and he became my entire world, and losing him would be like losing a limb, so that’s why I’ve been hesitant in making a move.**

**DestroyerD: Maybe that’s why I was a bit hostile. Because it riled me that after everything we’ve been through together, there would be a possibility that he’d prefer somebody else over me. Maybe it’s selfish, but I know that I can make him the happiest, and we would work fucking good together, because I’m in love with you.**

**DestroyeD: *him**

Fucking smooth, Daniel.

Seongwoo isn’t even angry anymore.

Now he just feels a crippling, gut wrenching anguish. Guilt.

He feels nauseous, hot and cold, and his mind is spinning. He wants to cry, but no tears come out, instead there’s a thick lump on his throat that won’t come down.

He wants everything to just go back to before.

He should have never logged into that dumb site.

He should have never even opened his mouth about it.

They would’ve figured it out eventually, somehow.

They would’ve.

And if they wouldn’t have - that’s also fine. At least there wouldn’t be such a huge mess. It’s never going to go back to the way it was before.

Seongwoo wants to go to sleep, and wake up in the past.

Redo everything.

Start anew.

 

.

 

He rereads the messages a million times, but doesn’t reply them. He doesn’t know what to reply.

He doesn’t know if he even has an answer. He doesn’t know what to say.

He screenshots it, and logs out of the application, then uninstalls him out of his phone.

He done talking with DestroyerD.

He doesn’t need to.

He wants to talk to _Daniel_.

But by the time he’s home, he’s already calm.

At least, he hopes he is.

Seongwoo is finishing up on a commission, when Daniel comes over. He knocks, and peeks in.

Seongwoo glances from behind his aisle; “Hi.”

“Hey.” He returns, but doesn’t come in, as if waiting for a permission of some kind.

“I’m almost done.”  He sniffs; “Chinese?”

“Yeah,” He comes in, the paper bag crinkling as he does. His hair is a mess today. No earrings either. A flannel shirt and sweatpants. “I figured, you never eat lunch when you got commissions on Sunday. So you’re probably going to be hungry.”

“And you wouldn’t want me to be _hangry_ , now would you?” Seongwoo can’t help but mutter, more to himself, than to Daniel, but Daniel still snorts, because he heard him.

“No, I wouldn’t want that.” He takes out the plates from the cupboard.

Seongwoo _is_ hungry. Just the smell makes his water salivate. He barely wipes his hands off with some clothe before attacking his share. Once the initial hunger is sated, he squints at Daniel.

“You’re kind of early, aren’t you? You have classes until 4pm, no?”

“Took a day off.” He answers, avoiding to look at him as he eats.

Seongwoo swallows and continues to stare at him until he finally looks up and their eyes meet - he immediately turns his gaze away, because he’s literally shitting himself as he’s sitting there, trying to feign everything’s fine.

Seongwoo continues eating in silence. He hates small talk.

When they’re done, Daniel is rubbing his palms on his thighs, nervous. It’s his turn to stare at Seongwoo, and Seongwoo’s turn to avoid his eyes.

“So… what’d you do today?”

“Went to classes. Did some commissions.” Seongwoo picks up his plate, and Daniel’s, along with the utensils.

“Cool. And yesterday?”

“Was at Jisung’s at the morning. Then came home.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.” He takes them to the sink. Now that he’s not facing him, he finally feels like he’s able to take a deep long breath, as if he was holding it during the entire time he was eating. He doesn’t want the most important confrontation of life to be with his back to him, but he can’t - he _can’t_ find the courage to bring this up right to his face. “If you mean my hot new neighbor, I made him up.”

He should’ve planned this better, he should’ve thought out exactly what he wants to say. Instead of that he's panicking and cleaning the dishes in a terrified frenzy.

“Oh.” Daniel finally says, after what seems like forever, and Seongwoo feels like slapping him. “When did you—” He pauses; “When did you figure it out?”

“DestroyerDan is in the house!” Seongwoo mimics Jaehwan’s voice, though it comes out squeaky and shrill, then throws the sponge into the sink, making it splash water and bubbles everywhere. “Fucking _DestroyerDan_.”

“Seongwoo—”

“When did you find out, huh? Daniel? That you were talking to me - when did _you_ find out?” He turns his head to him because he wants to see his face when he says it, but keeps his body turned toward the sink, because he feels vulnerable and tense and he can’t face him completely yet.

Daniel’s hands are collected in his lap, and he’s looking at them, head bowed, shoulder slumped, and he looked defeated.

He snorts all of the sudden, and finally looks up to him, meeting his eyes; “Five minutes in.”

Seongwoo turns back to the sink, squeezes out the sponge.

“I mean… You’re a first timer at the chat, after the conversation we had. And you were looking to explore your sexuality. And... Whiskers? You really bad at the anonymity thing.”

“And you used that.”

“No - Seongwoo—” He stands up, and takes a step closer, but Seongwoo holds his arm out, to keep him away, so he stops.

His limbs feel weak, and at the same time he’s literally buzzing with unspent energy. He wants to throw a punch.

“When were you planning to tell me?”

Daniel is quiet for a moment.

“You were planning to tell me, right? At some point?”

“Yeah, I was. But not like this.”

“And would you think I’d be okay with that?”

“I didn’t think it’d matter by then. Because we’d already be together. And then you wouldn’t need a reason to push me away.”

“Get out.”

He looks up to meet his eyes, as if he can’t believe that Seongwoo said that.

“Get out.” He gestures the door with his head. “And take your shit with you, so you wouldn’t _have a reason_ to come back.”

Daniel presses his lips to a thin line, turns around, takes his bag and slams the door after himself.

Seongwoo sucks in his lower lip.

At least they didn’t screamed at each other, which is nice - at least, it was civil.

He promised himself while he was falling asleep that he’s not going to cry, but it’s easier said than done. The tears just flow out of his eyes the minute he looks away from the door, like somebody opened a goddamn faucet.

He’s wiping his eyes, when the door flies open.

“No, fuck that.” Daniel throws his bag off his shoulder; “I know, I messed up! I get that. Fuck, I knew there’s no way in hell you’d let some dude massage your goddamn shoulders - Just let me explain everything—”

“Okay, then.” Seongwoo wipes his face with his sleeve; “Explain.”

Daniel looks troubled. It’s either because he probably never saw Seongwoo crying, not like this, at least, quiet tears streaming down his face - or maybe it was because he didn’t expect Seongwoo to actually let him explain. His eyebrows are furrowed, he doesn’t even blink.

Seongwoo snorts and nods, wiping his face again; “That’s what I thought.”

“No— that’s— I knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away from the app. I knew it. Because it’s you. And because you’re like a curious kitten that keeps on shoving things off the table to see my reaction - but I didn’t think… God, I don’t know what I was thinking. And don’t pretend you’re blameless, because the sole reason you logged into that app was to look for me, too. I actually thought you’d be able to guess who I am. But you never did and… I couldn’t stop.”

“Yes. But I would never go as far as you did! Jesus, I even told you I started the std rumour—” He covers his face, and falls unceremoniously down on the floor, simply because his legs just buckle underneath him.

It’s quiet for a moment.

Daniel removes his hands. He sits down next to him, and stares at him for a moment, before lifting up his sleeve to wipe his cheeks.

Seongwoo is stumped, stuck in this weird area where he can’t decide how to proceed, it’s terrifying. He _wants_ Daniel to go away, but _needs_ him to stay. Because he knows he looks like a mess and doesn’t want him to see him like that, but he wants Daniel to make it right.

He’s staring at him, as if taking in his face.

“Don’t cry, Seongwoo… I’m… that’s why it was so hard to stop.” He takes a shaky breath along with that sentence. “You have no idea what it was like for me - to finally _talk_ to you. It was like being reborn into a new person. It changed everything. The goddamn fabric of the universe was altered overnight. I thought I was going insane. I didn’t even… Fuck, I thought you’re crushing on Minhyun or something at first.” He laughs, and Seongwoo laughs, too, because hearing this makes him feel delirious. They’re sitting on the floor in his dorm, and Daniel is wiping his tears, and it’s a surreal experience he never thought would happen in his entire life. “When I realized it's me you’re crushing on, it’s my hands that turn you on - fuck,” Daniel is smiling, as if remembering makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside and bites his lip; “I was literally vibrating out of excitement. So - I know, _I know_ I messed up, Seongwoo.” He wipes away the new tears that come out, and leaves his hands on Seongwoo's cheeks. “I apologize. I do. I didn’t want to make you cry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He kisses his cheeks and his eyes. It’s intimate - it almost surprises him that Daniel is capable of this sort of gentleness, even though he knows. “But I don’t regret it, if I had to redo it again, I’d probably be more careful and up front - But I wasn’t looking to use it, I wasn’t planning anything. I loved talking to you, without this burden hanging over us. This is how I want us to be; to be able to tell each other _everything_ , without any tension. At first I was planning to stop and never talk to you again, pretend this didn’t happen, but I got so addicted to openly flirting with you. Even if it’s just online.”

Seongwoo is relieved and nervous. He feels like laughing, and he’s still crying and as all of that is happening, the back of his head is filled with jittery hysteria. He never thought it’s humanly possible to be this terrified. It’s a new emotional high that he never experienced before, endorphins swimming in there with with adrenaline, and everything just feels heightened and fast.

He doesn’t want this to be it. The moment they get together, but it’s already happening.

“What I said yesterday - on the app, I meant it. I love you — and I—”

He panics and leans up to kiss him.

It’s a sloppy kiss, and his cheeks make a wet sound when they meet Daniel’s, chaste and quiet and soft, and nothing at all like the intense first kiss they shared.

When Seongwoo draws back, Daniel leaves a few more quick, damp, open mouthed pecks on his lips, as if he doesn’t want to stop.

Seongwoo leaves his hand on his cheek.

“But you can’t do that, anymore, Daniel. Doubting me and the decisions I make.”

“Okay.” He nods, serious, and goes in for another kiss, but Seongwoo reels back a little, sliding his hand off his cheek to his chest to stop him.

“And I need some time. To think. Because I can’t just… un-hurt. And I need you to understand why I’m hurt.”

Daniel looks down, and nods. He seems to mull over something, before he meets his eyes again; “What if you think too much, and you don’t want it anymore? What happens then?”

“This is exactly what I’m talking about. You need to trust me, if you want this to work.  I’m not looking for a reason to bail on you, I’m not scared of commitment.” He swallows; “I want to be with you, but if you keep second-guessing me without hearing me out, and thinking I’m going to have an episode and run for the hills every time you lift your hand, then it’s not going to work. So you need some time, too.”

Daniel takes a long inhale and gets up.

Seongwoo didn’t mean that he needs to go think right now, but he doesn’t stop him, either.

“Daniel,” he calls out when he’s at the door. He sluggishly picks up his bag, and looks back at him, as if he’s expecting to get hit. Seongwoo bites his lower lip for a moment, then says; “This is not me rejecting you. This is me asking for some time to forgive you. I need you to understand that.”

“Okay.” He’s nodding his head; “Yeah. I understand.” He still sounds disappointed.

Seongwoo wants to yell; ‘I’ll text you’, but it stays unsaid, resonating between the four walls of his tiny dorm room, along with the door clicking into place.

 

.

 

He doesn’t text him.

He’s about to come into class on tuesday - but right at the door frame, he sees Daniel sitting there, at the back of the auditorium. His hair is illuminated by a light halo from the window, and Seongwoo feels overwhelmed suddenly. He’s not smiling or talking to anymore, just looking out of the window and when he turns away Seongwoo does the most adult thing _ever_ , and hides.

He is so nailing this adult thing.

Jesus fucking christ.

Some classmates nod to him as he stands there, near the wall, and he nods back, hugs his bag and leaves.

Maybe it’ll be okay to take a day or so off.

He’s very productive on the two days he takes off; he actually has a shit load of time to spare, and he uses it to think. When he thinks, he feels… better.

Less angry.

And as the hours pass by, what Daniel did feels much less of gravid. It doesn’t make his throat clog up anymore, and he had a vague realization, that had this been done, they probably would’ve never moved on from the spot they were in caught up in.

But it still… hurts.

Wednesday it’s raining cats and dogs; a cold unpleasant rain, and Seongwoo can feel the chill up to his bones. He still opens the window, and lets the crisp of it in, watches the lights turn off one by one down the street.

**Jisung: You okay, buddy?**

**Self: yesss**

**Jisung: Want me to come over**

**Self: Nooo**

**Self: Seriously, I’m fine.**

**Self: How do you always know when something happens**

**Jisung: I have the gift of vision**

**Jisung: it insults me you never believe me, I really do possess super powers**

**Jisung: I can see it! In my third eye!**

**Jisung: you and Daniel had some sort of a meltdown because dealing with feelings like adults is out of the question**

**Jisung: also, you’re pregnant**

**Jisung: also, Daniel is actually a cyborg sent from the future to save you from ruining yourself, but now he has to go back to the future**

**Self: Did Guanlin ratted us out?**

**Jisung: Yup**

**Jisung: Then I called Daniel, and he spilled the beans.**

**Self: I’m fine, seriously**

**Self: *We’re* fine. At least I think we are.**

Seongwoo nibbles at his lip when he stares at the sentence he wrote. ‘We’ seems odd and out of place, but fitting. He’ll have to get used to that, too.

But it’s a good thing to get used to.

**Self: I just needed to think a bit**

**Self: Because it hurts**

**Jisung: It always hurts when you do something for the first time, hun**

**Jisung: Oh, hey, this has double meaning, because you actually thinking hurts, and buttsex hurts!**

**Self: We didn’t get there yet, hold your horses**

**Jisung: Oh, man! Now I’ll have to do the ‘stay safe’ talk with you, because I’m the responsible adult.**

**Self: Har-har.**

**Jisung: Wanna talk about it?**

**Self: Ummm**

**Self: Not yet.**

**Jisung: Okay.**

**Jisung: Just don’t talk to Jaehwan about it, nothing good can ever come out of that**

**Jisung: He’ll tell you how men’s butts in porn are intimidating and then draw the ‘my friend daniel is a bi’ card.**

Seongwoo snorts because that’s exactly what he did, and that’s exactly how he ended up here. He should’ve talked to Jisung.

He was just so scared of Jisung knowing immediately why - because he would.

**Self: Soon. We'll talk.**

**Jisung: Oh**

**Jisung: Hold on**

**Jisung: I saved something for this occasion**

It takes him awhile to get back to him, and when he does, he sends a video attachment.

Seongwoo presses play, then immediately cringes.

He’s a year younger, the spotlight is on him, and his hair looks like a mess, and the light in the pub makes him look sickly.

“Okay, so I know it’s slam poetry night today but a special friend of mine has a birthday today—” He points to the crowd, and the camera switches to a less lightened part of the pub, where Daniel sits on the bar, his cap backwards, grinning. He points back at Seongwoo, and Jisung snorts.

“JUST GET ON WITH IT!” Jaehwan yells from somewhere.

“You shut up!” Seongwoo continues, taking out a crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket.

Oh god, he was drunk of his mind that time, he was so thankful Jisung edited this part out of the birthday video he made for Daniel, it was just horrible, horrible time for his hair, and his complexion. And literally everything. Everything was just horrible. 

He clears his throat, and some people clap, and Jisung is already laughing.

“Roses are red, violets are blue,

you’re my best friend, and I love you.”

Seongwoo starts and you can hear a loud and clear Jihoon yelling; “Yuck, so cheesy!”

And a more faint one from Minhyun; “Somebody take him off the stage, for the love of god.”

“Roses are red, violets are blue,

The sun can’t warm my heart, the way you do.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

We always stick together, and things are just shitty without you.

Eating out alone sucks, I keep stirring at my stew

Can’t stop thinking about you, I can’t even chew

So Roses aren’t really red, and Violets aren’t really blue,

Unless my boy Daniel is there, dude, I love you.”

There’s some clapping and cheering, this time only from their company, because nobody from the poetry slam night thought this was acceptable. Seongwoo also gives him finger guns.

Ugh, he wants to die just remembering the cringe. Good thing Jisung kept it to himself. This should never come up anywhere. This should be burned and the ashes should be scattered in the ocean. 

Worst part is when he tries to get off the stage, his shoe gets stuck in the microphone wires and falls down. Face first. So graceful. Jisung is laughing, but rushing to see the damage, and the video cuts. When he starts again, Minhyun is slurping from his margarita, while jazz music is playing in the background.

“Congratulations on being a big boy, Daniel. When can we leave? This place sucks so much and Jaehwan is annoying me.”

“When is he not annoying you?” Jisung clicks his tongue; “So what did you think about the poem?”

“A lot of second hand embarrassment.” Minhyun leans into the camera some more; “Are they hooking up… or…?”

 _Oh my god_.

Jisung snorts; “Nope. Seongwoo just fall asleep.” The camera shakily reverts to the corner seats, it's unsteady and unfocused, but then he zooms in, and you can barely tell Seongwoo is napping on Daniel’s lap.

“Ten bucks this never gets resolved.”

“50 bucks, it will.”

“You’ll regret this so much, oh my god. 100 bucks.”

“Deal.” They shake hands.

Video is cut again, this time to Daniel.

He’s beaming at the camera.

“Are you enjoying your birthday party, bud?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You should get up and mingle or something, I’ll take care of him.”

Daniel takes a sip of his beer; “It’s fine.” He looks down and puts his hand through Seongwoo’s hair.

Jesus christ, Seongwoo was _drunk_. He doesn’t even remember the poem, he just remembers googling what rhymes with ‘blue’.

“Look what I found.”

Jisung holds out a crinkled paper for him.

Daniel takes it and unfolds it, then turns it from both sides; “What is it?”

“It’s the poem he dedicated to you.”

“There’s nothing here. It’s blank.”

“That’s because he made it up as he went.”

Daniel looks utterly speechless, and looks down at him as Jisung laughs. 

Oh god.

“Fucking cute.” He looks down again at Seongwoo in his lap, and tucks some of his hair  behind his ear. “Cutest.”

“Oho… Are you going to confess back now?”

Daniel looks up, grin fading off his face; “Stop.”

“Oh come on, man. Do you need him to spell it out for you?”

“He didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m pretty sure he did. He can’t eat his soup without you. That’s big, man. That’s marriage material.” Jisung half-laughs, but Daniel  shakes his head left and right.

“Why does it have to be such a problem? He likes you, you like him - go for it.”

“It’s a problem because he’s straight.”

“Dude—”

Seongwoo stirs awake and opens his blood shot eyes at them, mumbles out a ‘no’ and buries his face into Daniel’s hoodie, making him laugh.

“Seongwoo, hun, do you need to puke? I asked Sungwoon to bring some ice for you, in case you wake up—”  Jisung continues; “Do you want some?”

“Where am I?” Seongwoo sits up in a sudden move, and hits Daniel’s chin with his head in the process, then immediately apologizes, and starts nursing him while he laughs.

Jisung turns the camera at himself, making a judgmental face, before turning it back to them. Seongwoo is holding onto Daniel’s chin and jaw, as if it might fall off. “I’m taking it off now, please don’t bleed all over. I need you alive.”

Daniel is laughing; “How many bottles of Soju did you have? Jesus.”

He takes his hands off, and inspects the wound for a moment. There’s no blood. Or wound. Obviously. “Looks good.” He says. “You’re going to live.” He sighs in relief.

Daniel snorts, and they share a long dumb look between them during which, Jisung turns the camera on him, again to do a judgmental face, as if he needs to do live reaction to the shit they pull him through day-to-day.

Except then, Jaehwan runs into the frame, yelling; “I spilled Minhyun’s drink, I spilled Minhyun’s drink!” into the camera.

The video is cut off.

Seongwoo laughs and rewatches it again, rewinds maybe two times the way Daniel is looking at him while he’s sleeping. And nibbles at his lip.

**Jisung: I edited it out because uh… you two clearly weren’t ready to face harsh truths back then, but saved it so I can have my 100 dollars, in case Minhyun becomes forgetful.**

**Jisung: Everything okay?**

**Self: Yeah. Thank you.**

**Self: For sharing.**

**Jisung: You’re welcome, bud**

**Jisung: Go easy on him**

Seongwoo rubs his face.

He goes through their dumb facebook posts, and dumb long threads, where they’d answer each other for days, instead of heading back to the messenger, simply because they both though they’re hilarious. They _are_ hilarious.

Seongwoo laughs, and smiles and rolls around in his bed. Back before he started this whole out.kr shabang, things were so easy, just the two of them, texting for hours no end.

He doesn’t even need to scroll that far on their Kakaotalk chat - it’s all over the place. Six weeks ago, on saturday, Daniel texted him from the moment that he got up until he went to sleep that day, because he went to visit his relatives in Busan. He was complaining about the auntie that smells like candies, but keeps scolding him out, and told him about the auntie that always smells like cats, and wonders if he'll become her in a few years. Seongwoo could almost be there with him - he _wanted_ to be there with him, but it would’ve been weird if he tagged along.

On one of the tuesday Seongwoo live-texted their teacher having a mental breakdown because one of the students submitted an old smelly shoe as ‘art’ to her. Daniel had to stay home to finish up on some stuff, and he eventually didn’t finish anything because he was glued to the screen texting him back and laughing.

He _misses_ that.

He really misses him.

He goes over his photos, going as far as his phone can take him, then accidentally goes to far and reverts to the start. The last thing he saved on his phone was the screenshot of DestroyerD confessing his love.

“I know that I can make him the happiest,” He reads out loud; “ _We would be so fucking good together._  Arrogant.”

And yet - Daniel’s confidence brings him confidence.

And he feels ready.

Because he knows this is what he wants. He wants to be with _him_. That's what he wanted from the start. That's what he wanted to say with a screwed up poem he made up while being super drunk. He wanted this for a long time, and he _still_ wants it. 

He feels ready to face him. He feels ready to forgive.

So on thursday, he comes to class, with a speech prepared and a whole day planned out, but Daniel is nowhere to be seen. Not even at lunch.

On friday, he waits by his morning class, but he doesn’t arrive either.

He thinks he catches a flannel shirt disappearing at the end of the hall, but literally everybody are wearing them these days.

He angsts about texting him, but he really wants them to meet upfront and talk, first.

When he comes home, he’s haunted by thoughts that Daniel changed his mind, or misunderstood it anyway and thought he was pushing him away.

He has too much spare time on his hands, and even oil painting to relieve himself of stress feels nerve-wrecking. Thankfully Jisung saves his Saturday.

**Jisung: you coming to Doyeon’s party, babe?**

**Jisung: I’ll pick you up on the car if you make sure Jaehwan doesn’t drinks**

**Self: Is Daniel going?**

**Jisung: Do you want him to????**

**Self: wtf lol of course I do**

**Self: I think he’s avoiding me**

**Jisung: Imma tell him that**

**Jisung: I’m so done with all your bullshit drama**

**Jisung: It’s been days, can you please just figure yourself out**

**Self: ugh what**

**Jisung: He gave me his side, then you gave me your side, then Sungwoon retold me everything Daniel told him, just using the words ‘these fucking losers’ like 12 times**

**Jisung: and honestly Jinyoung is asking me for updates every morning and those cat-emoji-peach-emoji is Woojin’s way of talking about you without actually mentioning you.**

**Jisung: it’s like I’m in a relationship with your relationship, and I really want to break up**

**Jisung: at this point I’m ready to guide his penis into your anus just so I don’t have to hear about this anymore**

**Self: thank you for being so involved**

**Self: also why not my dick into his anus wtf**

**Jisung: sigh**

**Jisung: fine, your dick into Daniel’s anus. Happy?**

**Self: Yes**

**Jisung: did you know Guanlin has panic attacks whenever he hears Daniel doing stuff in his apartment**

**Jisung: he said he has nightmares that daniel snaps and kills everybody because seongwoo drove him insane**

**Self: oh please**

**Jisung: he’s a very sensitive boy**

**Jisung: his emotional intelligence is very high**

**Self: stop, he’s dating jihoon**

**Self: their collective emotional intelligence literally equals -1 and I’m being generous**

**Jisung: he’s not dating jihoon**

**Self: … sure, jan**

**Jisung: is that why they’re hanging out together all the time??????**

**Jisung: why can they keep such secrets from me, while you and Daniel didn’t even get together yet, and the goddamn pope calls from rome to ask if you’re together?????????**

**Jisung: if you don’t come to this party, so god helps me, I will make Jaehwan stand on the table and yell that you like daniel’s dick**

**Jisung: for as long as he likes. Depending on the amount of cups he drinks, this can go on for hours.**

**Self: I’m already coming**

**Self: that’s true anyway, he can yell that**

**Jisung: hold on Imma go emptily threaten Daniel, too**

Seongwoo showers, then gets out, and wonders if he should prepare his butt or something.

He goes online.

The internet scares him with all the things that can go wrong if he does that, and he decides he is not going to do that. If Daniel wants his butt tonight, it’s a no-go.

He spends a whole hour doing his hair.

Then he decides what to wear.

Seongwoo wonders for a terribly long time if he wants it to be a yes-go on his butthole.

No, it doesn’t.

Daniel is younger. He should sacrifice his butt as a tribute. For the sake of their relationship.

Seongwoo is ready to guilt trip him.

He changes his clothes, because the shirt doesn’t match his jeans.

He watches some porn, just to investigate.

He changes his clothes again, because the jeans make him look too casual.

He doesn’t want to look too casual.

He stumbles upon a video of a woman smoking a cigarette out of her vagina on the porn site, decides he is completely done with the internet for today, and he is probably never going to have sex again and Daniel is just going to make peace with that.

He changes his clothes for a fourth time because he can’t go with tailored pants to a goddamn college party, what the fuck is he thinking.

He yells into his pillow for 3 minutes.

He texts Jisung, telling him he decided not to come. Jisung tells him if he’ll have to drag him by the fucking ear out of the house, he’ll do it, and that Seongwoo needs to stop being such a wuss.

He changes his clothes for the last time, deciding to just wear a flannel button up and jeans, which is what he originally decided 4 hours ago.

Then he texts Minhyun.

**Self: why does the internet make anal sex so bad**

**Minmin: beside the risk for fecal inconticious (losing control on your bowels), anal tearing, infections, HIV, a prolapsed anus and eventual anal cancer, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.**

**Minmin: Go get them, tiger ::heart emoji::**

**Minmin: Daniel has a big dick, though, so go get them… really slowly, with a condom and a whole bottle of water based lube. ::peace sign emoji::**

**Self: why are we friends**

**Self: how do you know the size of daniel’s dick**

**Self: ?**

Minhyun doesn’t answer, because he’s actually that much of an asshole.

Seongwoo misses his ride, because he decides to shower again.

His state of being before walking into the party can only be described as _palpitating_ . He can’t even breath. The music is loud even outside the house, there’s a shitload of people he doesn’t know, Woojin and Daehwi greet him at the door with a beer and push him inside, and Daniel isn’t even _there_.

Jisung pats his back fondly and gives him an apologetic smile.

Seongwoo has his second beer right after his third, and waits some more. He gets hit twice by sorority girls who think he _looks lonely_ , so he heads out to the balcony with his third beer.

It’s freezing cold. Doyeon's house has a pond, it’s not frozen, but Seongwoo stares in, trying to make out if there’s something in the water.

It’s pitch black in the dark, though. Just like his life, at this point.

Seongwoo takes the last bus home, instead of worrying Jisung.

Because he’s buzzed, he writes a 600 words long text to Daniel, trying to convey exactly what he’s feeling, he even edits it like 3 times, but never sends it.

He deletes it and decides to rewrite a sober one, once he’s home, but when he looks up from his phone, he sees Daniel sitting on the steps of his dorm.

Seongwoo pretends he doesn’t see him, even when he gets up when he comes closer.

“It took me 5 hours to get ready to that stupid party, you could’ve at least texted me you’re not going to show up.”

He laughs; “Sorry, I missed the last bus.”

Seongwoo is pressing the code to the dorm, while giving him a long look.

His hair is wet and he smells minty, like toothpaste, wearing a white sweater and holding onto a six pack of beer, and he missed him so fucking much that he feels the absence of him up to his bones.

He leaves the door opened, and goes in, throwing his denim jacket onto the rack. “I texted Minhyun about gay sex, and he was like ‘anal cancer’ and ‘anus prolapse’, and I decided we’re never having sex.”

“Okay,” Daniel is smiling as he puts the beer onto the counter, and tears out the carton to take himself one; “Cool.” He uses the edge of the counter to open it, and it sizzles when it pops opened.

Seongwoo turns on the heating, taking probably a bit too long with it, then he should’ve. When he’s done, he turns back to him, taking a long deep sigh, and leans on the wall of the kitchenette. He takes a crazy long sip, his adam’s apple bobbing up and down when he swallows.

God, he missed everything about him. He missed his scent when he hugs him. He missed the way he smiles, toothy and unguarded, the way he looks at him, the intense way he behaves.

He didn’t even know he was even missing him this bad. He couldn’t tell because he was just so preoccupied with everything else, and now every fiber in his body is tense like newly tuned guitar strings.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He asks.

“Because you were avoiding me first.”

“That’s very mature.”

“Hiding when I notice you at the door was _crazy_ mature too.”

“Not my proudest moment.” Seongwoo scrunches his nose. “I wasn’t ready yet. To face you. I should’ve stayed home. But when I was - you were gone.”

Daniel takes another sip, and squints at him.

It takes him a moment to finally speak; “I figured, you needed some space, and went back to Busan for a few days. Stayed with my mom for a bit. I was planning to stay until Monday, but then Jisung texted me that you’re _dying_ to see me at the party. I barely made it to the last train. Had to stand the entire 3 hour ride.”

“I was not _dying_ \- there was no dying on my part, Jisung greatly exaggerated.”

“Of course, he did.” He’s not smiling, but there’s smugness on his face that really gets under Seongwoo’s skin. “I - um… you were right. About taking some time. I think I convinced myself that this was the only way to get together. When I left your flat, I was angry and upset that you wouldn’t see it my way, and ready to just give up - but… uh. I kind of get it now. I’m sorry, Seongwoo. I should have… been more tactful. And approached it more carefully, instead of I just… plunged into it with a 15 ton truck.”

At least it sounds sincere.

He snorts; “Also my mom beat me up.”

Seongwoo raises his eyebrows; “You told your mom? About me?”

“You know I tell her everything. You included. She knew that I liked you before _I_ knew that I liked you. You’re all I ever talk about.”

“Huh.” Seongwoo crosses his hands on his chest. “You’re such a mama’s boy.”

He sips from his beer again keeping eye contact. “You got something you want to tell me?”

Seongwoo shakes his head once.

“Nothing?”

“Nope.”

“At all?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.” Seongwoo was about to leave it there, but he also adds;  “You already know all you needed to know.”

Daniel takes another sip from his beer, but makes sure to keep eye contact with Seongwoo, this time, and that sends a chill up his spine.

When he’s finished, Seongwoo says; “Put the beer down.”

“What?”

“Put it on the counter.” He gestures his chin at it emptily, simply because he doesn’t give a fuck where Daniel puts his beer.

Daniel obliges, and it makes a cold, stony noise when it clinks on the counter. Only then he asks; “Why?”

“Now take off your hoodie.”

He snorts, because he thinks Seongwoo is joking, but he Seongwoo urges him by raising his eyebrows ever so slightly, his lips spreading into a little smirk.

“Okay,” Daniel’s answer sounds more like a question than agreement, and Seongwoo can hear the smile in it.

He still takes it off.

The shirt underneath rides up with the hoodie over his head, but he makes no attempt to hold it down.

Seongwoo swallows thickly.

Daniel drops his clothes on the floor, and the way he’s looking at him - fuck, Seongwoo loves _that_. It’s not any different than how he’s always been looking at him, just so intense it makes the hairs on his arm stand up.

He probably had too much to drink, and should stop, but he just wants to touch him so much.

It’s been less than a week but it feels like a small eternity passed between them, and he just itches, and he just wants - he _wants_ him, so much.

They should talk about this, should talk about everything, and decide what they want to happen, and how and why - but his mind insists that all that can happen in a moment.

Now, he just wants this.

Now he just wants Daniel.

Even after being hurt by him, even after taking time apart, even after everything, he still wants him in the same toe-curling first-crush gigging-schoolgirl way.

He lets his eyes run on his body, now that he’s finally allowed to look, now that it’s not some stranger’s dirty picture.

He doesn’t need to imagine whose body this is; here it is.

And he’s allowed to touch, too.

But he doesn’t, just yet.

He wants to, but he doesn’t.

“Now,” He tries to control his voice so it wouldn’t come out too shrill, because it threatens to; “Unbuckle your belt.”

“Wouldn’t you want to do that by yourself?”

“Maybe some other time.” He looks up to his eyes, and smiles.

Daniel starts laughing, though it’s short and maybe a bit nervous. “Chicken shit.” He says, more quietly, then licks his lips, slides his hands on his belt.

His fingers are so long - so fucking long - and his hand is so big, even if it’s just unbuckling a belt.

But watching him do that, makes Seongwoo’s mouth water.

His back feels tense and his body feels alert, awake, _ready_.

When the buckle clicks out of place, Seongwoo takes a large, shaky inhale, parting his lips to take in more air.

“Now, the button.” His voice sounds oddly unfamiliar, a bit too high, so he clears his throat.

Daniel teases his thumbs against his waistband before slipping one in to hold it as he unbottoms it. Seongwoo takes a step closer, his fingers are almost shaking from anticipation.

“And the zipper.”

Off the zipper goes, a muted metallic sound that leaves his ears ringing even after Daniel’s hands leave it.

“Now what?” He asks, and Seongwoo looks up so he could look into his eyes.

“Now…” Seongwoo trails off.

He doesn’t know what comes now.

He only know that he wants, wants, wants him so much.

He wants to touch.

And conquer.

And kiss.

And he wants it to be tender and rough, quick and slow - all at the same time. He wants all of it. All of Daniel - all that he is willing to give.

Seongwoo places his palms on his abdomen - his skin is warm, and real, and he can feel him shudder under his touch, not because he’s cold - but because it’s Seongwoo’s whose touching him, and Seongwoo can feels it under his fingers, like muffled vibration.  He runs his hands up, over his chest, to his broad shoulders.

He has plans - some other plans, vague plans of what he wanted to touch first, what he wanted to do first, but Daniel ruins it by kissing him.

And it makes Seongwoo wonder if every time they’d kiss, it’ll be different, new, because it’s nothing at all like the first two kisses they’ve shared before - it’s intense and greedy, and Daniel holds onto his waist, and pulls him against his body.

Seongwoo sucks in a short, quick breathe, as if the air got knocked out of him when his body meets Daniel’s, and Daniel dips his head backwards to kiss it right out of him.

He wants to touch him everywhere, he wants to feel everything. His arms and his abs and his back underneath his fingers.

It might come off sloppy and inexperienced but god, it feels so right to just touch him, slide his fingers up and down his back.

Daniel hauls him by his shirt even closer, and turns him around, the cold countertop digging into the small of his back. He doesn’t even break the kiss - their lips make a soft wet sound.

He drags his fingers on his scalp, then pulls his hair a bit, adjusting their angle and Daniel moans, throwing his head back and breaking the kiss.

“Okay?”

“Yeah, fucking okay. Do that more.” He dives in for another kiss but Seongwoo draws back, and sits up on the counter, moving the beer out of the way with his ass. He reels Daniel closer by his waist, between his legs, and locks his hands around him.

“Okay.” Seongwoo says readily, and kisses his shoulder. “Where were we?”

Daniel hums into his hair for a moment, inhaling him and wow, Seongwoo feels his heart drumming in his ears, and doesn’t know if he’s delirious or still asleep.

Daniel caresses his back softly. Ans kisses his temple. And eyebrow. “Should we - um… talk? First?”

“Yeah, we can do that.” Seongwoo bites his jaw.

He nods his head, and rubs his cheek against Seongwoo’s.

“Pants are staying on.” Seongwoo decides, digging his fingers into the small of his back until he hears the moan vibrating in his chest, and his neck. Daniel is showering his neck with kisses, up and down, nosing at his ear, and god, there really shouldn’t be any nerve endings there, connected to his dick. “No butt touching, yet. I’ve been deep diving google today, and you already know nothing good ever comes out of of that.” He leans in for another kiss.

This one is slower and more audible, and Daniel smiles and breaks it; “No - I meant like…” He stays close - close enough that his lips touch his, barely, ghosting on his cheek; “talk about us.”

“You can start, then.” Seongwoo kisses his neck; he’s a bit shorter than him when he sits, perfectly aligned with his neck and shoulders, and he’s going to abuse that.

“Seongwoo—” Daniel’s word is cut short with a gasp when Seongwoo sucks onto his collarbone. He hisses softly; “I meant— I can’t think like _that_ , much less talk.” Although he says that he presses the back of his head, making him do it harder.

Fuck, that feels good.

Seongwoo pulls away with a wet, audible smack, to have a look at him.

He sucks in the saliva, as they study each other.

Daniel takes a long inhale.

“I’m hard.” Seongwoo says, because he feels like something should be said here.

Daniel snorts; “Why are you so frustrating— Don’t you want to… I don’t know? Take it slow? And all that? Are we dating now? What is happening? How many beers did you have?”

“Not nearly enough. Three. They had fancy indie beer brands. You missed out. And honestly, even if I did - I feel so fucking sober right now, I just want to...” Seongwoo doesn’t know how to continue that sentence, he just wants to make out, so he gives him another kiss, cupping his cheeks, until Daniel finally draws away.

Daniel still looks unsatisfied, so Seongwoo decides to be the adult; “Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Very adult. Practically junior high level.

“Yes…!” It comes a bit of a declaration, with an air of finality and relief to it, as if he was waiting for it, and got stumped out of words when it finally came out.

“Great. Me, too. Good talk.” Seongwoo gives him a short quick peck, sliding his hands down his torso.

He bites onto his lip, and looks down, lifting the waistband so he could peek in. “Looks about right.”

Daniel laughs into his ear; his breath hot and tickling on the wet spots he left on his neck. “Finally the product looks exactly like in the ad.” He jokes some more, mostly because he’s nervous and he doesn’t know how to deal with that. “Such a rarity these days.”

“You… don’t have to. If you don't want to.” He probably can hear it in his voice - because he _knows_ him better than anybody else. He bumps his forehead into Seongwoo’s. “Let’s take it slow.”

“I want to.” Seongwoo says, and it’s true, he does.

“But it doesn’t have to be now. If you’re not ready.”

“But I’m hard. And you’re…” He places his hand on the exposed underwear, sneaking his fingers a bit under the zipper to have a nice good feel of him. “Hard, too.”

It’s even thicker than he expected.

Daniel makes a short sweet sound, and bites his bottom lip.  

Seongwoo looks up to him; “I’ve thought about this a lot. About how you’ll touch me. And how I’ll  touch you… but I’ve never actually… touched a dude. I want to do everything. At once. I want to know everything. I want to know - how you like it…? Slow? Quick?” He squeezes him gently, and it’s so warm inside his underwear.

Daniel looks like he can’t believe his luck, pleased and surprised and smug. His eyes glazed, hazy almost. He looks hungry. “What you’re doing is perfect.”

Seongwoo leans up to give him a short peck, but he draws back after him and gives him another kiss, a deeper one.

And then they’re kissing again, wet, and Daniel’s hands fumble with maybe two buttons on Seongwoo’s button-up before he gives up and breaks the kiss, to tug it off of Seongwoo.

He tries to do it gently, but Seongwoo struggles, helping him by wriggling out of it and throwing it to the other side of the , and then run his eyes down his body once, making Seongwoo a bit self-conscious about it - but then he’s back for more, breathless and clumsy at his lips.

He draws him in closer with one quick move, pulling at his backside, and Seongwoo yelps into his lips, half laughing, because he almost falls down.

Daniel’s hands move down the side of his jeans, gentle but steady, guiding his thighs around him, then he hauls him even closer, until their crotches meet.

Fuck, that feels good - Seongwoo shuts his eyes as hard as he can, and bites his lip.

“I’d rather do it together.” He says into his ear and yes, Seongwoo is ready to do anything he’ll ask for. “Is that okay?”

“Yes. Fuck. That’s more than _okay_.” He pushes his crotch back onto Daniel’s, stifling another moan by biting onto his lip. “Even though this is totally 9th grade grinding.” The last part comes out as a gasp when their crotches meet again, and he lulls his head backwards, letting Daniel trace more kisses into his neck.

God, he’s hard as a rock inside his underwear, big and ready - the feeling of Daniel’s cock touching his own cock feels muted because of the jeans, and the friction isn’t nearly as enough as he wants it to be.

He squeezes his thighs, trying to get him closer, trying to get more friction by locking his legs together above Daniel’s butt.

They’re kissing, only it’s a sloppy mess of pecks and tongues, and Seongwoo runs his hand up to his chest, rocking gently against the counter and Daniel’s cock.

Daniel’s hands are on his thighs, just holding him, and they’re so close to his cock it hurts.

“Fuck.” He can feel the hard surface of his counter against his balls, and his jeans feel too tight.

He fumbles with his zipper - messing up because his hands are shaking, until Daniel puts his hands on top of his own and leaves him there, stopping him, as if to sooth him for a moment, before he removes them, and unzips him.

He doesn’t even breaks the kiss, his hands careful, calm, pulling at the zipper in a calculated, slow pace, while Seongwoo just wants to hit him so he could get off already.

Thankfully, he doesn’t wastes time and pulls Seongwoo’s dick right out of the underwear, and thank god for that, because Seongwoo felt like he’s about to suffocating or blowup or both.  

His hand is so big on him.

It’s exactly like how he pictured it - except better, fuck, more realistic than anything he could ever imagine, because Daniel looks down, rubbing the head of Seongwoo’s cock from the few beads of precum that leaked out.

Seongwoo can tell by the expression on his face what he thinks about his dick, which is somewhat insulting and hella embarrassing. He looks at it with the sort of grin he has when he’s petting cats, or standing next to a pet store and pointing at cute doggies. He thinks his dick is _cute_. It’s fucking horrifying.

Seongwoo feels his blush literally in his ears.

“Take a picture, why don’t you? It’ll last longer.”

“Sorry,” He gives him a kiss. “I didn’t expect… uh…”

Seongwoo wets his hand with his tongue, then shoves it into Daniel’s underwear, and makes him squirm, shuddering between his thighs.

He slaps his hand away, so he can bring their dicks closer, just like they do in porn, except, Daniel barely fits in his hand, let along with Seongwoo’s dick, so he has to compromise and use both of his hands.

It’s intimate, and warm, and nothing like he expected it to be - feeling the length of him against his own cock. Feels good.

Feels _so_ good.

Fuck, it feels fucking amazing.

Feels like nothing he ever done before, and his heart just booms in his chest.

He’s hot, he feels like he’s fucking burning, when Daniel keeps on rubbing his thumb on his nipple, kissing him everywhere, leaving marks.

They regulate a pace, steady at first, shuddering at every friction and every contact, but it doesn’t take too long for the control to slip, for Daniel to help him hold it together, because his grip keeps slipping, because his limbs just feel weak from so much work.  

“Seongwoo.” The way he says his name, utterly out of breath - yeah, that’s… perfect; “Fuck,  that’s beautiful.” He says, looking down, and Seongwoo can feel those words deep in his balls, _jesus_. Seongwoo clutches onto his hair and bites onto his jaw when he cums, as if to keep him exactly there, but the moan still comes out, needy and loud.

He almost loses his senses for a moment; the orgasm is so long, that he can feel every inch of Daniel that’s touching him, their bellies, and chests, and cheeks and hands. It’s like the only thing that keeps him inside his body, otherwise he is halfway to somewhere else. Daniel keeps him there for a moment longer, close against him.

He comes down super slow, feeling like the sky and earth switched places. He can feel the wetness on his belly now. And Daniel’s fingers digging onto his back when he tries to collect him to himself, as if they’re not close enough.

Their chests rising and falling quickly against each other, in complete synergy - Seongwoo breathes in, Daniel breathes out.

“If you call my dick cute,” Seongwoo pauses to take another inhale; “We’re breaking up.”

Daniel makes a motion on his mouth like he zips his lips, but he got cum on his fingers, and Seongwoo groans, leaning back until his head meets the cabinet, while Daniel reaches out for the kitchen towel.

“Fine, fine.” He agrees emptily as he cleans their bellies, then seems to stare at a specific spot, almost as if transfixed, and runs his fingers on Seongwoo’s happy trail.

“It really does feel like peach fuzz.” He says, amazed; “Oh my god.”

“Stop it!” Seongwoo laughs and tries to stop him, because it mostly tickles. “We’re breaking up.” He warns emptily and Daniel snorts and kisses his temple, then helps him off the counter.

Seongwoo feels unsteady for a moment, wobbly and naked, even though he’s still in his jeans.

“Wet wipes are in the bathroom,” Seongwoo mentions, and takes a sip from Daniel’s unfinished beer.

Daniel gives him another kiss, and Seongwoo can get used to this so easily, god, it’s perfect - before heading toward the bathroom.

Seongwoo adjusts his floor heating to higher, before taking off his pants completely, discarding him as he goes toward the bed, and dives face first, placing his thumb on the lip of the bottle so it doesn’t spill.

It creaks awfully loud.

“Do you want one?”

“No. C’mere, already.”

Daniel snorts, and crawls up to him, between his legs, staying suspended above him, by his arm , then takes away his beer bottle and has a long sip.

“Ah, a cigarette would be nice right now.”

“If you smoke, we’re breaking up.”

“Are you going to threaten me with everything now?”

“Yes.” Seongwoo laughs when he lowers himself down and slumps on top of him and kisses his chin. “Fuck, yes. If you thought I was bratty before, I’m going to out-brat myself. You’re going to regret every moment you spent pining over me. I’ll press on all your buttons, all the time. I’ll drive you up the wall in ways you’ve never thought are possible. And just when you think I’m done, I’ll text you a picture of my belly button and tell you it’s my asshole.” Daniel laughs at that, nuzzling his neck, so Seongwoo adds; “God, I’m going to make you so miserable.”

Although he says that, Daniel is smiling against his jaw. “Is that a promise?”

His body is heavy on top of his, but Seongwoo doesn’t hate the weight of it. He doesn’t hate anything at all right now. He’s not even capable of thinking that hate exists in the world.

He didn’t feel this deliriously happy in years.

“Yeah,” he answers. “Yeah, it’s a promise.”

 

.

**Deedee: god this sucks so much.**

**Self: lmfao we’ve been here for 30 minutes, chill**

**Self: just admit you’d rather have me alone**

**Deedee: what**

**Deedee: no**

**Deedee: I had enough of you last weekend lol**

**Deedee: lmfao my balls went dry**

**Deedee: I’m just bored**

**Deedee: I don’t want to watch this movie**

**Deedee: why do we have to watch a movie**

**Self: because we got invited to watch a movie, genius**

It’s Saturday night and Jisung’s was hyped all week to watch this movie by his classmate. He’s history major, and this was supposed to be a must-watch so he invited all of them over to watch it.

There’s special cinematography.

Dramatic, WWI movie, with very green shading.

Seongwoo has yet to find out what’s it about. He got that theme is war, but beside that, nothing. He’s been waiting for something to happen the first 10 minutes, but perhaps that was just too much to hope for. The artistic shots of the male and the female actors, got him even more lost. There’s not much dialogue. It’s very deep.

Jisung seems to be really invested though, furrowed eyebrows and everything.

Jihoon and Woojin are asleep, each taking one of Guanlin’s shoulders. Guanlin is also asleep, but his head thrown over the backseat.

Daehwi seems interested, though. Sungwoon is playing candy crush in silent protest.

**Deedee: let’s go home :(((((((**

**Deedee: Plz**

**Deedee: You can finish what you started yesterday**

**Self: Mmmnnn**

**Self: Maybe some other time**

**Deedee: Can’t believe you’d leave me hanging like this :(**

**Deedee: I thought we had something special :((**

**Self: You deserved it.**

**Deedee: I know you were a tease, but you took it too far :(**

**Deedee: we’re friends before we’re lovers**

**Deedee: you’re breaking the bro code :(**

**Self: what does the bro code say about shoving your tongue against your cheek every time I try to talk to a classmate**

**Deedee: I checked and that’s allowed :(**

Seongwoo clears his throat, and raises his head a little, until Daniel raises his head at him. He’s sitting on one of the armchairs, fiddling with his phone.

Seongwoo raises his eyebrows at him, and he raises his eyebrows back at him in defiance, then proceeds to adjust his balls in his goddamn pants, because of course he would, and Seongwoo rolls his eyes and looks away toward the tv.

Last night, they had an evening class together, and five minutes before the end of class, Seongwoo slipped his hand into his pants underneath the table in the auditorium (since they were sitting at the back, and pretty far from the other students). He got rock hard within minutes, and his underwear even got sticky, but then the teacher told them to have a great weekend, so he took his hand out, kissed his cheek and ran out of the auditorium.

Daniel has been sending him sad emojis and sad smiley faces for the entire evening. Except he had no reason to, because he spent friday making obscene gestures at him whenever other classmates were talking to them, since in the morning, he gave him a blowjob.

This had been a recurring theme - teasing the hell out of each other, even back when they were just friends - so why shouldn’t it translate to something more when they’re boyfriends?

**Self: Boohoo**

**Deedee: This isn’t fair! It’s Saturday! We should be drinking beer, and idk...**

**Deedee: making out in the bathroom in complete secrecy.**

**Deedee: :(( I can’t believe Jisung is enjoying this.**

**Self: Don’t be like that**

**Self: this is important to him.**

**Self: If you behave, I’ll let you blow me.**

**Deedee: Oh, will you?**

**Deedee: Lucky me.**

Seongwoo rises his eyes to see Daniel clearing his throat, strained not to smile.

**Self: Are you pretending you don’t want to, now?**

**Self: Well, then**

**Self: The offer is off the table**

**Deedee: I’m not pretending anything, I just don’t think you’ve earned it yet**

**Deedee: And the offer isn’t off the table**

**Self: it is.**

**Deedee: it’s not off the table until I say it’s off the table**

**Deedee: we should discuss this more seriously in the bathroom**

**Deedee: I’ll go first**

**Deedee: you excuse yourself in like 5 minutes**

**Deedee: 5 minutes is too long, make it 45 seconds**

**Self: how to be obvious 101**

Jaehwan shifts beside him, sighing when one of the characters in the movie starts crying without any explanation (again).

Seongwoo pretends interested in the movie.

**Self: So hypothetically**

**Deedee: Oh! We’re back to hypothetical scenarios!**

**Deedee: I like this game.**

**Self: shut up lol**

**Self: So hypothetically**

**Self: If we do sneak out to the bathroom, what would we even do?**

**Self: this is our first time being sneaky**

**Self: I am hypothetically excited**

**Deedee: Well, I could blow you.**

**Deedee: since you already suggested it**

**Deedee: hypothetically**

**Self: what if there’s not enough space, and they’ll hear us**

**Deedee: What if there is and his bathroom is soundproof? ::smirking emoji::**

**Self: A tiny apartment he shares with Jaehwan - soundproof? ::thinking emoji::**

**Deedee: I guess we could just make out against the shower stall**

**Deedee: And do what we did on wednesday**

**Self: no more of that jesus**

**Self: jerking off while standing is not for me.**

**Self: my leg muscles still hurt**

**Deedee: weak**

**Self: stfu**

**Deedee: I’ll train you next time**

**Self: ::middle finger emoji::**

**Deedee: Have you ever heard of edging?**

Seongwoo swallows, not sure if that’s something he’d like to experiment with, or not.

It’s been two weeks since they got together, and they were trying to take it slow, but Daniel is a kinky son of a bitch, and he’s _always_ horny.

Admittedly, that makes Seongwoo horny, in turn.

He still forgets himself at times, forgets that he can reach out and touch, if he wants to. It’s still feels unusual and new and at the same time right and comfortable, like the way it should have been all along. Like a natural continuation of things.  

**Self: Yes**

**Self: No**

**Self: I don’t know**

**Self: No, wait**

**Self: I refuse to answer this question**

**Deedee: lmfao**

**Deedee: I could tease you until your thighs shake**

**Deedee: and you’re begging for it**

**Self: Mmmnn it’s cute that you think I’ll beg**

**Deedee: You would**

**Self: I won’t**

**Deedee: You would when I’m done with you**

Seongwoo sees him shifting from the corner of his eye. His stomach feels knotted, and the tips of his ears are probably red as hell, right now.

**Self: We’ll just have to see about that, now won’t we?**

**Self: I feel like I could bring you to beg for it sooner, though**

**Self: You’re really sensitive**

**Deedee: lmfao true, when you’re touching me my body feels like it’s on fire**

**Deedee: Fuck I wish you could do it right now**

**Deedee: like yesterday**

**Deedee: while nobody’s looking**

**Deedee: just put your hand down my underwear**

“Seongwoo-hyung is sexting.” Jaehwan proudly announces to the silent room.

Seongwoo whips his head to him, glaring because he can’t believe he’d do something like that - but the rest of the room also turns to him, even the half-asleep faces from the other side of the couch. He immediately holds his hands up as if to make sure he’s not the one at fault here, and he even stresses it out; “I just don’t think it’s a friendly thing to do, when you’re suppoused to be watching this very—” He struggles to think of a proper word; “ _intellectual_ movie.” He just didn’t want to watch the movie, and he was ready to do literally anything, even if it's to betray his friend. Before Jisung made him sit, he had 5 different excuses up his sleeve as to why he shouldn’t be watching.

“Who are you texting with?” Daniel speaks up.

Seongwoo turns to him with his mouth half opened, because he can’t believe that he’d ask that.

The tips of his ears are red as fuck, but he hid his phone somewhere, and he’s trying super hard to keep a serious expression, even though the side of his lips twitch.

He’s forcing Seongwoo to choose; to admit to the room that he’s sexting him, or lie that he doesn’t.

They’ve been thinking about this, telling everybody officially, since the consensus was that they stopped fighting, but were taking their time hooking up. It was a half truth, because they were taking their time,  but it was definitely not some vague weird twilight zone where they were scared to talk about feelings or touch each other (at least, that’s how Jisung put it, and if that’s how Jisung put it, that’s how they all think).

They were not scared to talk about feelings, in fact, this is probably the first time in Seongwoo’s entire life that he is utterly honest with the person he’s with, there’s no guards up, Daniel already knows _everything_ anyway - and they’re definitely not afraid to touch; literally all they did the past two weeks (for every fucking day) is make out and grind on each other like two hormonal teenagers that just found out that touching a penis feels good. Daniel even changed the code to his dorm room for this fine occasion (now it’s 1995 and not 1996), and Seongwoo got the answer to the everlasting question at the back of his head; how many times he can orgasm per day (4 times - well 4 and a half, the last one was kinda just sleepy and drained and Daniel just held on his dick and put a bunch of hickies on his collarbone, before they fall asleep).

Everybody shift their gazes from Daniel, to Seongwoo, movie completely forgotten.

His cheeks are on fire. Fuck.

“Some chick called Deedee.” Jaehwan picks up the phone out of his hand, and Seongwoo snatches it back, hitting him; “ _Stop_. You just don’t watch the movie.”

Daniel can’t hold in his laughter any longer, so he just stands up and slams the bathroom door after himself.

Seongwoo is fucking speechless.

“What, no, I totally love this movie. It’s an amazing movie, hyung. It’s wonderful.”

“Yeah, it’s very educational.” Daehwi tries.

“I liked how they played with the shading? It makes everything look much more murkier.” Jinyoung agrees; “So dark.”

“Asslickers,” Sungwoon accuses, patting on Minhyun who fall asleep over his lap and didn’t even bother getting up.

“Honestly, I was strained to keep my focus after five minutes - I can’t believe anybody would think this shit is good - I just thought some of you like it because nobody is saying anything!” Jisung shakes his head; “Screw the fucking movie — Seongwoo, what the fuck!”

Seongwoo rubs the back of his head.

They’re all staring at him again.

“Hyung, that’s cheating.” Daehwi says quietly. “I can’t believe you’d do that.”

“Why? Who were you hooking up with?” Jaehwan asks, trying to pry the phone out of Seongwoo’s fingers so he could see more.

“Daniel!” 4 people out of the crowd snap at Jaehwan, Seongwoo isn’t even sure who, because  his hands are on face out of embarrassment.

Jaehwan holds his hands up, again, then finally seems to get hit on the face with realization; “Oh hey - was that why Daniel had clay all over his face the other day? Were you two making out? Oh my god, were you having weird hippie art major sex with clay?”

“No,” Seongwoo rubs his face, out of frustration; “It’s—” He trails off. “Fucking can’t believe this.”

“You have to go apologize.” Guanlin nods; “He can’t deal with things when it comes to you. He just disintegrates.”

Jaehwan finally fishes the phone out of his lap before Seongwoo can stop him and unlocks it, but Jisung snatches it away from him.

“That is so wrong, Seongwoo, so wrong. Especially because now you know how long he was pining, I can’t even—” He trails off because he’s reading the conversation, and Seongwoo wants to die.

“I can’t even look at you right now.” Jisung says, disappointed. Jihoon is the next one with the phone.

“ _I wish you could do it right now_ ? _Like yesterday_ ? Dude, not cool.” He reads out loud, and Woojin takes it out of his hands; “Jesus - _just put your hand down my underwear_ , where did you find this chick?”

Jisung is putting his hands onto Daehwi’s ears, as if he’s not allowed to hear this type of content, and Jinyoung just looks like he doesn’t want to be in the room. Sungwoon looks up once from his candy crush to shake his head at him, before going back to his game.

“Look, just - give me that.” Seongwoo takes his phone back. He turns to the bathroom; “Can you come out of there?! Fucking asshole!”

Jihoon pinches him; “You lost the right to curse at him—”

“Go talk to him.”

“Yeah, go talk to him!” He’s ushered up and pushed toward the door, and he feels like he’s about to combust.

Daniel opens the door just slightly, looking smug as hell, showing him his bunny teeth - but Seongwoo grabs his ear and pulls him out of there, while he’s laughing and ow-ing.

“This is Deedee.” Seongwoo introduces; “Deedee as in DD. As in DestroyerDan - or Destroyer Dick. Whatever. Daniel. I was sexting Daniel. Are you all happy now?”

Daniel raises his hand awkwardly, as if he just got introduced; “Joke, joke. I was just messing with him. Because he gave me a handjob underneath the table in class yesterday. We’re together.” He wraps his hands around him, as if it’s an indication for anything, ignoring the fact that he completely TMI-ed the entire room. “He was sexting me.”  He clarifies again, as if nobody got it the first time. 

They’re all wearing identical expressions of horror and surprise, beside maybe Minhyun who didn’t even bother waking up - he just hugs the blanket to himself, clearly upset about the racket and turns to the other side.

“Which I am never doing again. Clearly, _nothing good_ ever comes out of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D OKAY OMG  
> WELCOME TO THE END Lol
> 
> EXCEPT IT'S NOT THE TOTAL END; I'm planning a oneshot/continuation/installment/bonus chapter from Daniel's pov, probably about their first time having sex... :> Because I'm extra lol  
> I haven't decided yet if I want it to be like an additional chapter here, or a whole another fic with its own plot - either way I'll update you! :>
> 
> I apologize if it was lacking anywhere :( I'm a bit sick, but even before that I'm a neurotic mess, so feel free to tell me if you find any mistakes or plot holes or whatever. :) I'm really grateful and happy about the response this fic got!  
> A bit overwhelmed by the anons who keep coming back to my cc or people who keep @ me at twitter! Thank you all so much for making this fic possible! Keep the ongniel flame burning!!!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and stay tuned for my next stuff! 
> 
> You can always find me [here](https://twitter.com/yeolinski), if you need me! :)


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